


Shadowed and Deprived

by anonomoose21



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Coffee Shops, Comforting Magnus, Cuttting, Definitely Jalec in a brotherly way, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Fashion Week, Im out of things to tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Is that what Jace and Alec are called together?, Jalec? Or maybe Ace, M/M, Magnus is a fashion designer, Malec, Orphans, Sad Alec, Some Clace, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 52,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2745398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonomoose21/pseuds/anonomoose21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Magnus is a successful fashion designer and he has it all. The fame, fortune, talent, beauty. What could go wrong? Oh, that sexy yet so average blue-eyed boy working at a coffee shop. Alec doesn't have the best life, he was raised in a violent orphanage and is now re-contemplating suicide. How will Magnus handle this? More importantly, how will Alec?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I originally posted this on FF and it is still there (not yet complete but close) It's under the same username and title so if you don't want to wait for updates on here then go there. Otherwise if you prefer here, updates will come once a week. I feel that posting this on a second site will help motivate me to finish the last two chapters. I told myself that if I post it here then by the time I reach chapters 20 and 21 I will at least have one of them written and finished. So hopefully this will help me finish writing. (Sorry if that doesn't make sense AT ALL, I tend to rant, ignore me).  
> Anyway if you're still there, thank you for viewing and I hope you enjoy this. I didn't go through to fix any mistakes recently, so sorry if you catch any. Please leave a comment and kudos and subscribe... (:  
> Warnings throughout story: Mentions of suicide, death and abuse. Talks as well as thoughts of suicide and cutting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgot to add in the warnings, attempted suicide

**Magnus POV**

Life is easy when everything you want and need is handed right to you. I have everything I could ever want and so much more. I’m rich, young, beautiful and ever so talented. I have one of the biggest lofts in all of Manhattan, I have chauffeurs and butlers and maids. I have no siblings or parents that I have to worry and stress about constantly. Only me and my spoiled-rotten cat.

I am living the all American dream.

I am on the cover of magazines and even made the newspaper which surprised me. People know me and they love me.

I swipe my black credit card and people stop to stare, sometimes I can’t tell if it is from the rectangle of plastic or my stunning good looks. As if that matters. I’m perfect. They should stop and stare. Some of them even get a wink or a smirk out of me and that’s all that is needed for the ladies to swoon.

I own these New York streets. I strut down them like they are my personal runway.

Oh how I love runway. 

I did consider doing runway and photo shoots as an occupation, after all I am flawless. But my true passion is to design what is put on the models, not to be the model dressed up and styled like a damn Ken doll. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be pampered. I make room for it every day. But to be done up in a way that is not how I want it, it’s horrible.

I like to be the one controlling what the models wear and how they look. I like to be the one the celebrities say “Oh yes, this dress is from the Bane Collection, designed and created by Magnus Bane.”

Oh yes. What a wonderful life this is. I’ll be damned if I ever let anything get in the way of it.

**Alec POV**

I kicked the door shut behind me and set the last cardboard box down. I scanned the room with saddened eyes. It is small and dank. Apparently I am “lucky” to have a bathroom connected. There are only my three boxes, two suitcases and one mattress that fill the space. 

At least I have a room with a view, a lovely old women who is shirtless dancing around the kitchen. I couldn’t help but grimace and close the dusty blinds.

I turned on the heater… I think. We will see soon enough. The room felt like the arctic and the snow outside didn’t help any.

My new home made me miss the crowded bedroom back at the orphanage. I had a sudden urge to go back, even after all the years I wished I was far away from the place. 

I couldn’t go back even if I tried. I’m eighteen now. They are no longer responsible for me, they found me this apartment and paid the first three months for me. After that, I’m on my own.

I suppose I need to find a job. Somewhere close by considering I have no car or any money for a taxi or subway.

I sighed deeply. I have no one to blame but myself.

**Magnus POV  
Two weeks later**

Snow trailed in behind me as I entered the small coffee shop I go to every morning. I untangled my arms and unbuttoned my coat to approach the counter.

There is that kid again, the kid that always rings me up and makes my coffee. The kid that never seems to be phased by me while everyone else in the room would stare in awe. The boy with shocking black hair and shining blue eyes.

He watched me approach. “The usual?” He asked, completely bored and uninterested.

_He remembered my drink._ I thought fondly.

_Of course he remembers your drink, Magnus. Everyone would remember your drink. You’re Magnus Bane._

“Yes.” I said.

_Or maybe it’s because I’ve been here consecutively for the past couple weeks, it is the boys job to remember regulars._

The boy began making my coffee. He was working alone today and there weren’t many people in the shop this morning. Probably because of the blizzard outside. Looking out the windows was like looking at a sheet of blank paper.

“How about this weather, huh?” I said before I could stop myself.

The boy looked at me as if he was wondering what language I was speaking but then his gaze shifted to the white windows.

“Fantastic.” He said in a sarcastic, dull tone and went back to making coffee.

I mentally kicked myself. “Uh, so you don’t like the snow?”

“I don’t like a lot of things.” He said quickly not averting his eyes from the drink. I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrow at him even though he couldn’t see it.

I suddenly realized that this is the first time I have ever tried to make conversation with the boy. That would explain his confusion when I first spoke. All the other times I was here there were many people in line and other people were working with him.

“What’s your name?” I asked suddenly. Wait, why do I care about what his name is? He is just a barista at a coffee shop.

The boy put a lid on my drink and sat it on the counter in front of me.

“2.99.” He said without answering my question.

“You should be wearing a name tag.” I said in a teasing tone. For some odd reason, I felt like I needed to make him smile. Much to my disappointment, I was unsuccessful.

“If you paid any attention the last few days, you would know that today is the first day I don’t have it.” He said staring me dead in the eyes. Ugh. His eyes are so blue, I could get lost in them and never want to come out. They are like an ocean on a stormy day, stern and strong yet so beautiful.

_What? Compose yourself Magnus!_

Without breaking our gaze, I pulled out my wallet and dropped a single bill on the counter. I wasn’t sure the amount, if I had to guess from remembering the last time I looked, I’d say a ten.

“Keep the change.” I said and took the drink. Breaking our hold as I turned and went to sit at my usual spot in the corner of the shop by the window.

As I sat down, I placed my drink on the table and pulled out my laptop and sketch pad; preparing to do my every day work I do when I come here. I usually draw new designs for my Collection or finish up others and recreate them on my laptop for a more vivid visual.

As my computer powered up, the blue eyed boy was standing in front of me.

“You sure about that?” He asked holding up my money, I saw it was a hundred dollar bill. _Oops. I guess I missed a zero._

“Tell me your name and it’s yours.” I smirked. I have plenty of money, what’s a hundred dollar cup of coffee? Plus I get his name, we both win.

The boy glared at me. “I’ll be back with change.” He said and stormed off. 

I frowned. What is it with this guy? Who turns down 97 dollars? All I want is his name. I just _need_ a name to put with that face.

He was back again and setting 97 dollars and a penny next to my coffee. I looked up at him. “What is the big deal?” I asked him.

“I don’t need your charity. If you wanted my name you would’ve gotten it by now.” He turned and went behind the counter, heading into the back room.

I watched his every move as he walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alec POV  
The next day**

It was another quiet day at work. Two people sat at tables on opposite ends of the shop, engrossed in laptops. 

_I wonder what they are like. Laptops._

Growing up the way I did, technology was not something we had. The orphanage had landline phones and the only way I could use a computer was at school and it was to do research and print out essays. Never did I use it for recreational purposes. What is the point? I guess I don’t really understand them, though that didn’t stop my curiosity.

I am slowly adjusting to the life of living alone. My home is an ice box, the stupid heater doesn’t work and I have no way to fix it. The silence is strange, sometimes it is nice to have. Other times it reminds me of how alone I really am and I find myself crying to sleep.

I try to stay far away from the place by taking on extra hours of work. I feel rather satisfied by this. The more hours I work, the more money I make and the sooner I can move out of that hell hole that is called home.

_Home._ What is the definition of a home? Because that is not where I am living and the orphanage has never been a home. A home is full of warmth and comfort and it’s where you find people that love you and care for you. I have never had a home but I have never been without a roof over my head.

I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes. There is nothing good about me or my life. I don’t understand why I was born or am even still alive. I am unwanted and unloved. No one would know or even care if I was gone.

Yet, for some reason, the orphanage put me on suicide watch when I was fifteen. What would it matter to them if I was dead or not? They beat me enough and even knocked me out a couple times. What should they care if I tried to kill myself? I would just be finishing off the job.

The door to the shop opened and in walked that regular that comes here every morning. 

His jacket was tight around his body and a tan scarf was wrapped around his neck. His spiked up, black hair held the usual glitter that it did every day and there were snowflakes covering almost his whole body, accenting his olive skin and dark hair more than usual. He carried the brown bag with him that held his laptop and notebook, I can’t help but wonder what use he has for them.

He was at the counter and I realized I was staring. His golden eyes poured into mine, making my insides liquidize. 

I wondered how he can wear eyeliner, isn’t that irritating to his eyes? Though it did him justice. The guy is stunning.

The man smirked at me and I kept my hard expression and scowled.

“Usual?” I asked harshly.

“Of course.” He answered.

I began his drink.

“No name tag again. Now I am beginning to think you’re doing this on purpose.” He said teasingly. 

I didn’t look up at him. “I lost it.” I stated simply. And I did lose it, not that I need to answer to him. This guy is so annoying, why is he taking such an interest in me? 

“My name is Magnus.” He said. “Magnus Bane.”

I stopped what I was doing to stare at him. “Is that suppose to mean something to me?” I said with a out stretched arm, not believing what I am getting form this guy. Take a hint, sparkles.

“I like you.” He said abruptly. This time I had to roll my eyes. Nobody _likes_ me.

“You’re wasting your time, Bane.” I said sourly, putting the lid on his drink and setting it in front of him. “There is nothing to like.”

“I disagree.” He said softly, kindness dancing in his tone and tenderness swimming in his eyes.

No one has ever looked at me like that before.

_He is full of it, Alec. Just like everyone else is when they try to be kind to you. It is all a joke to laugh at you in the end._

“2.99.” I said, my voice sounding less bitter than I would have liked.

He smiled at me, dropping a five on the counter. “Keep the change for a new name tag.” 

“What, you think yesterday wasn’t enough?” I said, remembering the 97.01 he left sitting at his table when he finally left the shop. I had no choice but to take it. I needed the money but I absolutely hated receiving handouts. 

Magnus was grinning in remembrance. He picked up his cup without a word and started to his usual spot.

“It’s Alec.” I blurted out, stopping him.

_Why did you do that?_

He turned to face me.

“Alexander really, but I go by Alec.” I continued, my voice sounding small and frail.

_Stop sounding so helpless. You can save that for a time when you’re alone and safe from humiliation._

“Well, Alexander, it is a true pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Magnus smiled fondly.

Then he walked to his table to set up his everyday station. 

I felt myself smile just the slightest bit.

**Magnus POV**

I couldn’t hide the smile on my face as I sat down. The blue eyed boys name is Alexander, or rather, Alec. What a lovely name, it suited him well.

I glanced back at the counter. Alec stood in front of the register staring blankly ahead.

_I wonder what he is thinking about._

I didn’t realize I was staring until Alec looked at me and we locked eyes. After a moment, he ducked his head down, hiding his pretty face from mine. This made me smile, yet again.

I get that kind of reaction all the time from other people but this time… It was different. This felt like it had deeper meaning.

It’s cute when Alec is shy. It was an honest look that fit him well as opposed to that false, cocky persona he presented the past week or so.

I don’t know what it is about him, but I like him. I want to know him better and that is not something I usually want. No, I don’t want to know him; I need to.  
To be honest, it was a scary thing to feel.

I thought about what he said. “You’re wasting your time, Bane. There is nothing to like.” He said it so harshly, like he sincerely meant it as hatred towards himself. I’ve seen that look only once before. My reflection in the mirror after my parents died.

I don’t understand what happened to Alec for him to feel such a way but I need to find out. I don’t want him to feel that way about himself. He doesn’t deserve to.

_You don’t even know him. What are you talking about?_

I shook my head from the logical thought.

One thing I know for sure, I’m not wasting my time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! Was really sick yesterday and never got the chance to post this chapter, but here it is! Oh, and Merry Christmas !!! :D

**Alec POV**

It’s Sunday and I have the day off, how did I manage to get that? I _want_ to work and avoid the pain of everyday life. 

As a result, I made myself plans.

Right now I have enough extra cash to use public transportation so I’m taking the subway to go and see Jace. There is no way I am spending my day off moping around the house. Who knows what I would end up doing.

I haven’t seen Jace since I left the orphanage. We were raised together and were best friends before he hit the age of four. We would aid to each other every time the other would get beaten brutally for being disrespectful or disobeying the rules. Him and I usually conspired together about the next bad thing to do- Not that we wanted to get beaten, it was more of the challenge and thrill to see how far we could go without repercussions.

When I was thirteen I realized I had stronger feelings than friendship and brotherhood towards Jace. A crush that lasted until I turned seventeen.

I hated myself. I thought I was sick for wanting to be with another person that is the same gender as I. I couldn’t figure it out, I didn’t know what homosexuality was. I saw Jace at school with other girls and I saw other guys and other girls together. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me.

Then I was seventeen and I started to grow apart from wanting Jace in such a way. By this time, I knew everything there was to know about different sexualities, though that has nothing to do with what made me see Jace in a new light.

He told me he loved me. I knew he meant it as a brotherly gesture and I said it back, finding that I actually meant it in the same way he did. I don’t know what exactly made me snap into reality but I felt myself feel sick at the thought of kissing him or doing anything more than hugging.

My whole life has involved Jace, there isn’t a single memory I have that doesn’t include him. Up until now. I miss him terribly. I need someone to talk to and he is the best person to seek for a lending hand.

That is why I have to go and see him. Jace is my rock and I am his. I need my rock now, thank god I worked double shifts to have the income to make it happen.

The orphanage doesn’t allow for visitation but lucky for me, Jaces room has a balcony and a tree just outside of it.

Time to cause more trouble. I felt myself smirk.

**Magnus POV**

I hate meetings. I hate them a lot. I don’t normally issue them unless some kind of event is coming up, which is normally often but not often enough to have to involve my entire staff in one room. My mental state is being tested, I know it.

The meeting is for Fashion Week and I found that the Bane Collection is going to be apart of it. I am sincerely thrilled and excited about this, as I usually am, it’s not the first time my collection is being modeled for one of New York’s biggest events.

Except now I am being told by three of my designers that they are no where near complete with some of my best pieces due to ‘fabric complications’. The fashion show is next week, there is no time for careless mistakes. If the deadline wasn’t so close, I would have fired them.

“We will need extra hands to get this complete Mr. Bane.” Said Ragnor.

I rubbed my temples. “From whom? All my backups have been employed for other companies participating in the show. I hired you for a reason, Mr. Fell. Do not disappoint me any further.” I felt my eyes dart across the table. All the eyes in the room looked away, suddenly interested in their fingers.

I felt myself stand up, looking over my employees sitting at the long conference table and the others standing off to the sides who did not have a place to sit. All these workers of mine and I’m short handed. My glare could not be deadlier.

“I expect you to find a way to fix this problem.” I addressed everyone coldly. “You put yourselves in this situation, you get yourselves out of it. I want all the clothing finished by Wednesday morning and sitting in front of me ready to be fitted onto the models. Those who do not comply with the deadline will be fired. That is all.”

I walked out of the conference room and went into my office. I shut the door behind me and suddenly wished I had blinds on my floor to ceiling windows that over looked the rest of the office. I want to be alone to get myself to relax and I can’t do that when I see people scrambling around like a fish on a hook.

I need to get out of here.

I gathered up my coat and scarf and left my private office, locking the door behind me. Just then, my receptionist Camille was standing in front of me. Her big red lips stood out the most against her pale skin and her pulled back blonde hair. She wore a black pencil skirt and a tucked in silk blouse that was part of my spring collection a few years back.

“Of course, I will relay the message to Mr. Bane. Thank you for letting us know.” She clicked a button against the silver device attached to her ear. “Problem.” She stated to me with concerned eyes.

“Walk.” I said going towards the elevators and slipping on my scarf, followed by my jacket.

I heard the heels clicking against the marble flooring, indicating her presence behind me. “One of the models cancelled, said she has a family emergency.”

I pressed the button for the elevator and turned to her frowning. “Which model?”

Camille hesitated. “Maureen.”

I sighed deeply. Maureen is one of my main girls, she is the best there is when it comes to runway. This day could not get any worse. “Damn it.”

“How would you like to proceed?” Camille asked formally.

Just then an idea came over me, surely I could not find a model to replace Maureen, she is irreplaceable. But finding a model available in the next two days is reaching impossible. I looked Camille up and down, who says I can’t create a model of my own? “You ever do runway?” I asked her.

Camille stared at me, her cheeks growing red. “Oh. Um, no.”

“You do now.” The elevator dinged behind me and I entered, hitting the button with an ‘L’ on it and the doors closed.

*******************************************

I didn’t know where I was walking until I was standing outside of it. I went through the door and took in my surroundings.

Everything was the same, the smell of coffee, the lack of population… Everything was the same except for the person working behind the counter.

_Since when does Alec not work? Maybe I’m too late. No, it’s only ten-thirty. Why is he not here? He works every day._

_Why do you even care, Magnus? How did you even end up here? You don’t want coffee and surely you don’t have the time to waste on some barista._

I approached the counter and was met with a short, red-haired, green-eyed girl. I recall seeing her a couple times when Alec first started.

“What can I get for you?” The girl asked sweetly, I read her name tag, Clary.

“Actually I was wondering if Alec is around.” I said.

“Oh. No he has today off. Our boss was getting mad that he spends, literally, all his time here.” She said like it was unbelievable. It kind of is. 

“Really?” I couldn’t hide the amusement in my voice. “Your boss thought he worked too much?”

Clary laughed shyly. “Well he has a point. Alec is _always_ here. I don’t know much about him but he must have a good reason to want to be here all the time instead of out there.” She gestured towards the door to indicate the outside world.

“Huh.” I was intrigued, no question about it. “You wouldn’t happen to have a number I could reach him at?”

_What? Magnus what are you doing?_

“Actually,” She started with a frown. “he doesn’t have a phone. I have no way to get a hold of him; but he will be back tomorrow morning, so you could stop by then.” 

I felt myself scowl. How could Alec not have a cell phone? 

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” She shrugged apologetically.

“It’s alright. Nice meeting you, Clary.” I said and walked out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Alec POV**

The orphanage is only a couple blocks from the subway and thankfully, it stopped snowing.

I came to a stop at the corner to wait for the signal to cross the street. I stared ahead of me at the large building that is known as _The Institute_ , or less formally, _The Orphanage_.

This is where all my memories were made, good and bad. This is where I was taken when my parents decided they didn’t want me and they didn’t want my sister, who was taken to an all girls Institute. I haven’t seen her since I was two, I wouldn’t recognize her if I tried to find her.

I crossed the street and suddenly noticed a few others were crossing with me and there were several cars around. I don’t remember this area being so heavily populated.

Once across the street I went right, passing the playground and going towards the back of the orphanage. It didn’t take me long to find the tree that was outside Jaces window. Some rooms have balconies, Jaces is the only one with a tree next to it. I looked around to make sure no one was watching then began my climb up to the third floor.

I reached the small terrace and climbed over. Before I got myself on both feet, I was met with a familiar and comforting voice.

“Look at this, my knight in shining armor here to rescue me.”

I smiled wide and looked up at the grinning golden boy. “Jace.”

We ran at each other and embraced in a warm, inviting hug.

“It’s about time you came to visit.” He said as we pulled away.

“Hey, real life isn’t as easy as you might think. I swear these people wanted to get me as far from here as possible.”

“Well tell me all about it.” He said and pulled me inside to his room.

Jaces room hadn’t changed a bit, well why would it in a course of a couple weeks? His single bed sat in one corner, his desk across from it. A chair and lap in the opposing corner and a wardrobe across from it. Leaving very little space in the middle to move around. 

Jace dragged me over to his bed and we sat down and got comfortable leaning against the wall and facing the rest of the room.

“So tell me, how are you?” Jace began.

I hesitated. “Good.” 

“Stop lying Alec, I know you better. Tell me what is going on.” He turned and faced me. When I didn’t say anything he took it for the worse. “You haven’t been cutting have you?”

Hearing the word was skin peeling enough. “No, Jace.” Though I have thought about it and have been considering it. Not that I could tell Jace that, he would put me back on suicide watch so fast I wouldn’t even get the chance to attempt anything.

“Then what?”

“Life sucks.” I sighed.

“You’re telling me.” Jace scoffed, turning to face the room again. “Nothing here has changed.” He lifted his sleeve to show me freshly made bruises.

All I could do was shake my head. “Never could resist trouble.”

“It’s not the same without you.” He said pulling back down his sleeve.

“On the bright side, you will be eighteen soon. You can come and live with me in my crappy, unheated apartment and get a job at the coffee shop I work at. Maybe date one of the girls that work there.” I nudged his arm with my elbow.

“And not get beaten for doing something wrong.” He continued for me.

“Well, that depends on how well you treat your girl.” I smirked and we laughed.

“So that’s your life now? Working and living in the real world? That doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

“You haven’t seen the apartment, I mean I don’t expect something grand and extravagant but I at least expect something that is within living conditions.”

“No heater? Thank god I’ll be moving in during the summer.” He joked.

“Hopefully, I’ll be moved out of there. Jace I’m not even kidding when I say it is smaller than your bedroom.”

We both looked around the room, yes my place is definitely smaller. “Yikes. Well that’s Hodge for you, finding the cheapest place to live for one of his worst orphans.” Hodge is the headmaster at the orphanage, he manages everything. The beatings, room assignments, people moving out like me and soon, Jace. 

“Be thankful I am saving you the trouble.” I said, making the reference that Jace is also one of the main, bad children here.

“By moving in with you? Who says I want to?” He asked teasingly.

“Oh, so you would rather have a crappy apartment on your own?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Pssh yeah. If I’m lucky, I’ll grow some mold and get a pet cockroach.”

We laughed again. It was nice being able to talk openly and laugh. Those are two things that I can’t do with anyone else, not that I want to.

“I just made enough money to take the subway.” I stated.

“It took you two weeks for that?” He asked surprised. “The subway isn’t that expensive.”

“No it’s not.” I agreed. “But when you are paid minimum wage and have to save for food, rent and a phone, it becomes a lot of money.”

Jace didn’t say anything.

“It sucks so bad.” I said quietly, looking down at my hands. Thinking about the scars that lay just beneath my shirt sleeves. Not just from cutting but also the beatings. My whole body is marked, only my wrists and upper thighs are because of me.

“Hey.” Jace soothed. “Look at the bright side, things will get better.”

I always hated when people said that to me, if I had a dollar for every time someone did, I’d be rich. But when it comes to Jace, I listen to him. He is more than just some friend I grew up with. He is my brother, my family, the only family I have ever known and ever will know. I trust him with my life, hell he even saved my life once but that is beside the point. When Jace tells me something, I know he means and believes it too. When he says things will get better, I believe him.

I smiled faintly. “Thanks Jace.” Though the words were encouraging they still didn’t solve the problem. I’m just straight up depressed and feel worthless, nothing but time can change that; if it ever does change.

“That’s what I’m here for.” Jace replied.

*****************************************************************

I spent a couple hours just hanging out and talking with Jace, eventually we pulled out his pack of cards and I kicked his ass at poker. He snuck downstairs and brought up lunch for him and I, I’m sure Hodge will notice the missing food and find Jace, not that Jace even cared. Getting hit becomes something you get use to and your body just adapts.

When I left, the snow started falling and I made it to the subway before it turned into a full blown blizzard.

I boarded the train that took me back to my place but about twelve blocks from my house, the rails for the train froze over and now the subway is officially not an option. I cursed to myself.

I climbed the stairs out of the subway with a small amount of other people that were crazy enough to leave and the wind was being blown at the perfect angle to blow snow onto the stairs and hit me before I finished the ascending the first flight. I watched the crowd people that were entering the station to avoid the whether, they were covered in frost and were pulling their clothing tight against them, great. 

It was nearly impossible to see, I didn’t know which way to go to get home. After I pulled my beanie further down my head, buttoned my jacket and slipped my hands into my pockets, I chose a way and began walking, hoping it was the right way.

After a block and a half, I decided I couldn’t go any further. I’m going to get pneumonia if I continue in this. It felt like it was far below zero outside.

I turned off into a building, going through revolving doors and getting hit with heat that I welcomed happily. I looked back outside at the sheet of white. How did I navigate in that?

I turned back to the building. It was nice. Marble flooring and large white pillars, there was a desk at the back wall with secretaries seated at them. There were glass elevators lining the right wall and hallways branching out on the left.

“Can I help you find something?” Someone asked me on the left. I looked at the man, he seemed about sixty years old and I noticed his uniform, he’s a security guard.

“Oh I-”

“He’s with me.” A voice said behind me cutting me off. I turned and saw… Magnus?

Oh crap.


	5. Chapter 5

**Alec POV**

I stared at the man in front of me. _What is he doing here?_

“Very well, Mr. Bane.” The security guard said behind me, I heard his footsteps recede.

“Funny seeing you here.” Magnus said with a smirk. I felt myself grow angry at my heart for skipping a beat and my stomach growing light, all because of that smirk.

He looked the way he usually does when he comes into the coffee shop- jacket, scarf, glittery hair, eyeliner and his satchel style backpack that holds all the contents that I wish I understood for what seemed like the millionth time. He must have just came in because his nose and cheeks were rosy and there was snow covering his whole body, I probably look the same way.

“Yeah. Funny. I’m going to leave now.” I said and walked for the doors.

“No stop.” He called and came after me before I went through the revolving door. “You can’t leave. You will freeze to death.” Magnus was next to me now, staring at me with those warm golden eyes that made me feel comforted and safe.

_Don’t fall for it, Alec._

“No I have to get home.” I argued and tried to leave but he stood in my way. I sighed in annoyance. “Would you move?”

“No. Alec you’re shivering.” I am? “Come up to my office to get warm and when the weather clears up I’ll drive you home. Please.” He pleaded.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re giving me much of a choice.” I said and then scowled.

“I’m not. Lets go.” He grinned and looped his arm with mine. I tensed at the contact but Magnus didn’t bother to notice. He walked us to the elevator doors and hit the button to go up.

“You know, you should wear beanies more often.” He said and winked at me. I rolled me eyes and Magnus laughed. The elevator dinged and the doors opened.  
We walked in and Magnus hit the button for the fourteenth floor, the top floor. The doors closed and I watched as the people below grew smaller and smaller and finally disappeared as we started going through the floors of the building.

“What kind of person doesn’t have a cell phone?” Magnus suddenly asked, still not letting my arm go.

“What?” I said, trying to understand why he asked something so random rather than _what_ he was asking.

“I went to your work today and you weren’t there. I thought it was strange and I asked the girl working, Clary- sweet girl by the way-”

“Yes I know. I work with her, your point?”

“My point, I asked for your number and she said you didn’t have a phone. It was strange. I would've asked for your address but I thought that would be creepy.”

“Right, and as if asking my co-worker for my phone number isn’t creepy enough.”

Magnus laughed and the elevator dinged.

We walked out and it was like walking into a war zone except more colorful. There were people running around and fabrics flying through the air. People were going over what looked to be design sheets and others were already cutting and sewing them. Some people were making adjustments of full outfits on mannequins.

Magnus guided me away from all the chaos and into a room that was just to the right of the elevators. The door said, Secretary Camille Belcourt. Magnus barged us in like he owned the place and shut the door behind us.

The room is small and has no windows. The room is designed contemporary with the sharp, clean edges and colors consisting of grey, black and white. Completely different from what was out on the main floor. At the desk sat a girl with large red lips and blonde hair.

“I will have to call you back.” The beautiful girl said and hung up the phone. “Just the man I needed to see, we have another dilemma-” Camille stood and walked over to us, only glancing at me briefly before turning her attention back to Magnus.

“Not now Camille.” Magnus raised his hand to her. “I need you to order take-out dinner at Takis for me. The usual and make it a double.”

“But Mr. Bane-”

“Now Camille.” Magnus ordered and Camille ducked her head down and went back to her desk and started making the call.

Magnus dragged me out and to another room. He had to pull out a key for this door that read only a name, Magnus Bane. 

We entered the room and this office space was much larger and more beautifully designed. Hard-wood floors throughout, floor-to-ceiling windows on opposing sides, one overlooking the main floor and the other of the blizzard outside. Colorful couches and matching pillows sat at one side and a grand desk at the other end. It is like a normal office except bigger, more colorful and with a living space that has a fire place to complete it.

The fire place got my attention. I went to it and sat on the couch that was closest. Magnus was right, I am freezing.

I heard the door close and the noise from the workers go with it. The room was quiet and dare I say relaxing, unless I look to the right of the door where I am met with war of the fabrics.

“You like it?” Magnus asked as he came and sat at the couch across from me. I noticed he took off the majority of his clothing, exposing his business attire consisting of a suit that is the perfect combination of casual, formal and sexy.

“Like what?” I asked, knowing Magnus, he could be talking about a number of things.

“My office.” He said with a grin.

“Mind telling me _why_ it’s your office?” I asked, I got the general idea of what this place is, I just don’t understand what Magnus does.

“Because I own the company.” He said with a frown. “As well as the building.” He added.

I stared at him. _Who the hell is this guy?_

I found I was thinking out loud. “Who are you exactly?”

This made him frown even more. “You’re the first person who has asked me that in years.” He said and picked up a magazine that was sitting on the coffee table between us and handed it to me. “See for yourself. Page fifteen.”

I hesitantly opened the book. Do I really want to know? _Yes. Wait, no! Okay, maybe…_

Page fifteen. There are pictures of models wearing ridiculous clothing no one would ever wear in public and a whole article on Magnus that carried over to the following page and had a picture of him and his answers to questions from a recent interview.

“Want some hot chocolate?” He asked me and stood up.

“Sure.” I said without thinking.

Magnus left the room and I started reading the article.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I'm kind of in a rush posting this. Remember the rest (except the final chapter) is posted on FF, so you can continue there if you like.

**Magnus POV**

I left Alec to read the article about my life and career and went to Camilles door. What other things could possibly be going wrong? I definitely didn’t want to find out.

I entered Camilles office and she perked up immediately.

“I ordered your dinner, though it may take a bit longer because of the weather.” She frowned and then looked at me. “I told them to rush it.” She added quickly. I probably looked pissed, though it has nothing to do with the food.

“I’m guessing that is not the dilemma you were talking about earlier.” I came and sat down in the chair across from her desk.

“No.” She sighed. “It isn’t.” She looked at me hesitantly as if she were afraid to continue.

“Camille.” I leaned forward in the chair. “What is going on.”

She bit her lip then started typing something on her computer. After a couple minutes, she turned the monitor to me and I stared in shocked horror.

BANE COLLECTION LEAKED

I scrolled down and saw the sketches of some of my clothing that is going to be in Fashion week. I examined my spring collection with wide-eyes.

“How did this happen? Who did this?” I demanded.

“I don’t know. There is no source of who posted the photos. Mr. Bane,” She leaned forward with a sympathetic look in her eyes. “they are everywhere. It’s all anyone is talking about. It even got out to the other designers who will be showing at Fashion week.”

“What did they say?” I asked nervously. This is bad. If the competition knows what I am releasing then it gives them the chance to alter their clothing and one-up me. Things like that have happened before and I lost hundreds of thousands from it.

“Nothing good.” Was all she said and turned the screen back to her. I could only imagine all the things that are being said, _he wants the publicity. Figures Bane would do this to receive all the attention on the runway. Doesn’t matter, I’ll make sure my collection will be better._

“It was Herondale. I know it.” I spat. “He has been out to get me ever since I started my collection.” The William Herondale Collection is one of the top selling designers in the world, recently I was marked as the number one favorite designer and have been selling more pieces than he has. I would not be surprised if this was all his doing. It would push him back to the number one spot and put The Morgenstern Collection to number two and so on. I would end up at number six for the season; I felt a déjà vu coming on.

“Mr. Bane-” She started.

“No. It was him.” I stood up. “Just like before.” William Herondale use to be my friend, until he stole my pieces I was discussing with him and made them, in everyone else’s terms, “better” and sold them under his name. That friendship ended quickly and the animosity started just as fast.

“Mr. Bane how would Mr. Herondale have gotten the sketches?” She asked, trying to bring me back to my sense of logic.

“I don’t know.” I said quickly and then thought about it. No one has sketches except for my employees that are currently out on the floor and they have all been sworn to secrecy. How did the sketches get leaked?

I felt myself staring at the door. Could someone have betrayed me? I looked back at a frowning Camille, it seems as though she came to the same realization. 

“Get the pictures down. Now.” I demanded and left the room before I could hear her protest about how it will be impossible to remove something that has already gone viral.

I entered the large room of my employees and looked around. They were all hard at work, sewing and matching and cutting and piecing. I trusted each of them dearly and to know that I have been betrayed by one of them, maybe even more than one? It was disappointing to say the least.

“Listen up!” I yelled throughout the room. All the chatter stopped, sewing machines were paused, the snip of scissors and rumples of paper ceased and all eyes were focused on me. “When I find out who leaked the sketches, you will be more than just fired, your career in this industry will be long over. I can promise you that.”

I glared at each of them, making sure they got my point. It doesn’t matter that half of them don’t know what I am talking about, those are the people that have nothing to worry about. It’s the ones that do that should be concerned.

“I will find out who did this. Until I do, all bonuses will be cut this month-” Some groans of protest erupted, I ignored them. “and the person you have to thank for that is standing in this room. If I find out any of you are withholding any information regarding this, you will also be fired. Now get back to work.”

Everyone went back to what they were doing. The familiar sound of cutting, ripping and sewing filled the air. Voices slowly began to echo once more and everything was back on track as if I had said nothing. 

I started back to my office when I remembered why I had left it in the first place.

_Hot chocolate. Alec._

I rushed to the small kitchen that is past the bathrooms and behind the elevators. I boiled milk and pulled out the instant hot chocolate packages. If it weren’t for the snow, I would have gone and picked up some much better tasting kind down the street. I took note that it is getting dark outside and the snow still has not cleared up.

I left the kitchen carrying two mugs full of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. There was something so natural about doing this, making hot chocolate for Alec and bringing it to him while he waited in my office. I felt like it was one of the most normal things I have ever done. 

Camille was just leaving her office and going for mine when she saw me.

“I appreciate that sir. Have a good rest of the evening.” She tapped the screen on her cell phone. I was surprised to see that she was not wearing her Bluetooth device. “I am getting as much as I can removed, but not without a price.” She said to me.

“As long as they will be offline.” I said. “No Bluetooth?” I asked her curiously, not being able to stop myself.

“I seem to have misplaced it.” Camille sighed.

I stared at the phone in her hand.

_He doesn’t have a cell phone._

I felt myself grinning. “Camille.” I said mischievously. “Tomorrow, I need you to go and add another phone to my plan. Get the same phone I have now and deliver it to me.”

_Magnus, what are you doing?_

“Another cell phone?” She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.” I said. “Don’t question, just do it.”

“Right away.” She confirmed and went back into her office.

Alec needs a phone. How else will I be able to get a hold of him? There is nothing I want more than to be able to call and text him repeatedly and annoy the hell out of him. It is so cute when he gets worked up, especially when he ends up blushing. And knowing that I am the reason for it makes me feel giddy.

_Makes you feel_ what _?_

Okay, yes I mentally used the word giddy. But it is true. I don’t know why. I have never had this feeling before and it was so different from anything I have ever felt. I don’t normally want people around me, but Alec, I want to be with him all the time. I want to give him everything and be his everything.

_Uh-oh. You’re in trouble Magnus. You’re in it deep._

I ignored the voice in my head and was at my door when I realized I couldn’t open it. I lightly kicked it a couple times with my shoe and a few seconds later, Alec opened the door.

He had stripped out of his large coat and scarf. He wore jeans, boots and a long-sleeved white shirt. He kept on the white beanie that I found extremely sexy on him; the white contrast with his blue eyes and black hair accented his features in the strangest most perfect way. I felt myself smirking. He looks like an angel.

“May I come in, darling?”

 

**Alec POV**

 

I moved out of the way to let Magnus in. He was carrying the hot chocolate in his hands and went to place them on the coffee table I was sitting at. I looked out at the main floor with curiosity.

_These are his employees. Making his clothing. Making his dream come true._

I shut the door. Physically and mentally. I will never be able to accomplish any life goals like Magnus has. Not that I have any goals or ambitions, but if I did, all they would be are dreams. The only thing I can focus on is survival and even that is something I’m not sure I want.

“So what do you think?” Magnus asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

“About?” I responded and turned to face him. He was looking at me expectantly and maybe a bit nervously. _Wait, nervously?_

“Me.” He said softly and I sat down in front of him. I stared at him as I pondered how to answer but then he added, “All of this,” he raised his hand to gesture to the room. “My job. The article.”

I sighed inwardly from relief. That is easier to answer. “It’s cool, you have gotten yourself far in life and that’s good for you.” I half smiled at him, I hoped he didn’t see how much I didn’t like the subject. All it did was remind me of my failure. I noticed Magnus visibly relaxed. Was he tense? I wouldn’t know why.

“Good.” He smiled kindly and lifted his hot chocolate to take a sip. I looked down and saw the second mug was sitting in front of me and I mimicked his movements.

He pulled his back before I took a sip of mine and I couldn’t help the smirk on my face.

“Does my sipping hot chocolate amuse you?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

I giggled at his ignorance. “You have a whipped cream mustache.”

Magnus’ eyes flashed with embarrassment but he masked it quickly with a smirk matching mine. “Do I look good with a mustache?” He stuck out his chin and squared his shoulders, looking proud.

I involuntarily laughed aloud. “Yes, completely.” I answered jokingly.

Magnus grinned widely and got up and walked to his desk. I found myself checking him out, looking him from head to toe and my eyes lingered on his ass.

_What are you doing, Alec? Stop that! You’re not interested. You’re not interested._

I blushed at my gaze. He has a nice ass… But I can’t be looking at him this way. I turned away angrily; partially from my longing, another from not wanting to end up hurt.

A moment later Magnus was back with a clean upper lip and a couple more napkins. Instead of sitting across from me, he sat next to me and I took a sip of my hot chocolate to distract myself from how close he was next to me.

_Don’t let it phase you, Alec. You’re not interested, remember?_

Magnus smirked. “Well, I think you look great with a mustache.” He commented in a matter-of-fact tone.

I flushed and covered my mouth with my hand. Magnus laughed light-heartedly and handed me a napkin. “You should blush more often. It suits you.”

I took the napkin and wiped my mouth free of whipped cream.

_He doesn’t mean that, Alec. He doesn’t._

My heart skipped a beat. He doesn’t mean it, he can’t mean it. I need to keep telling myself that but it almost hurts. A tinge of disappointment stabbed my chest and I realized I want him to mean it.

_But he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t. Don’t let him get to you any more than he already has._

I turned my attention to the windows outside. The snow still hasn’t cleared up, which means Magnus wont let me leave any time soon.

_Damn myself for getting me in this position._

“Are you alright?” Magnus asked abruptly. Was it that obvious?

Before I got the chance to lie and tell him I’m fine, there was a knock on the door and it opened, revealing Camille and a large bag. “Dinner is served.” She smiled happily, letting herself in. She set the bag that said _Takis_ on the table and let herself back out. 

“Thanks Camille.” Magnus said before she closed the door. “I hope you like Chinese.” Magnus said to me with a grin.

Magnus pulled out the contents and handed me three containers along with a fork and chopsticks. I opened the boxes and found one was Lo mein, another fried rice and the last orange chicken. Magnus had the same three in front of him and began eating.

Magnus complained slightly about the food being cold but after that we ate in silence. The food was delicious, Magnus doesn’t realize this is the first full meal I’ve had in a week. I’m grateful to have a meal sitting in front of me, cold or not.

I remember the last, and first, time I ever had Chinese was with Jace. Hodge grounded us from having dinner because we refused to scrub the floors free from another kids throw-up. Jace and I decided to sneak out on the money Jace stole from Hodge when he wasn’t looking. I smiled to myself remembering the satisfied smirk Jace wore when he showed me the money.

After that we traveled a couple blocks up to a nice Chinese restaurant. We had a blast- until we got back to the orphanage and Hodge found out we were gone.

We got a good beating that night, it was then that Hodge found out Jace stole the money. Hodge was sending me to my room when he was about to give Jace an extra beating for it. I stepped in and told Hodge I was the one who stole it. He stared at me long and hard as if he didn’t believe me but then settled on giving me the beating in place of Jace. Jace was already half passed out, had I not have stepped in, Hodge probably would’ve killed him. I still have the long scar starting from my shoulder blade over to my spine.

“What are you thinking about?” Magnus asked me. I looked over at him and noticed he finished his food and was watching me with a curious look.

I set down my now empty container of rice, it sat with the other two empty containers, and leaned back to look at him.

“My first time at a Chinese restaurant.” I said smoothly yet hesitantly.

“Tell me about it.” He said, picking up his hot chocolate and taking a sip. The whipped cream had by now dissolved so neither of us worried about having a mustache.

This was the reason I didn’t want to tell him what I was thinking. He wants me to elaborate and I don’t know how without bringing up Jace or Hodge.

“Um. I went with a friend of mine a few years back. It was good.” I picked my words carefully and left it as brief as possible.

Magnus looked at me skeptically. “Was it your first time?”

“Yeah.” I said and he kept looking at me like he knew I was withholding information and was wondering why. _I mean, who withholds information about something so insignificant as that?_ “What about you?” I tried to divert the conversation from me, I didn’t like him looking at me like that and definitely didn’t need him to ask more about the subject or my history.

“What about me?” Magnus raised an eyebrow.

“What made you want to become a fashion designer?” I was surprised at how easily I asked the question. I didn’t realize that I actually wanted to know.

Magnus smirked. “Runway.” He answered.

“Care to elaborate?” I asked. I shouldn’t expect an explanation considering I didn’t bother doing the same for him.

“My girlfriend took me to a fashion show when I was fifteen and I just instantly knew it was what I wanted. So I went out and got it.” He shrugged like it was the most simplistic thing to do.

His _girlfriend_ took him? _Girl_ friend. Oh. I felt my heart do something that can only be described as ‘dropping’. Magnus is straight? Have I been reading his signals all wrong or am I just prone to setting myself up for someone who doesn’t even go for my gender? 

_I told you this would happen. You are already hurt and you don’t even know him._

I turned away from him and looked outside. The snow had cleared up enough that I could see the buildings across the street. _Thank god. I need to get out of here._

“The snow cleared.” I said standing up. “I should go. I have work tomorrow.”

Magnus didn’t say anything and I looked at him. He looked out the window and finally said, “Oh.”

Was it just me or did he look disappointed?

_Just you, Alec. Just you._

We cleaned up the remains of our dinner and tossed it out in the break room. We were back in Magnus’ office and I was putting my scarf and jacket back on, Magnus did the same. 

We left his office and I saw all of his employees were gone. Had I really stayed here that long? We took the elevator down and were silent until half way down when Magnus spoke.

“I had a great time tonight.” He said. “I’m glad you wandered into my building.”

_God, why is he so confusing? He wants women, stop talking to me like this._

“Yeah.” I said awkwardly, not sure how to properly respond. “Thanks for dinner.” I said politely. The glass elevator opened up into the large space of the lobby and I watched the lone security guard become larger as we descended.

The elevator dinged and we walked to the entrance doors where I turned to say goodbye.

“Nope. I’m driving you.” He said sternly.

“I have two feet, I can walk.” I snapped in protest.

“I’m driving.” He said and pulled me outside with him. We walked down the block to a black SUV and Magnus opened the passenger door for me and I got in.

_I wish he would stop doing that. Giving off mixed signals like this._

We drove in silence with the exception of me giving him directions to my apartment. I realized I had backtracked from the subway and walked in the opposite direction of my home. We drove for about twenty minutes.

“Imagine if you walked, even without the blizzard you would’ve froze to death.” Magnus said as he pulled up in front of my apartment complex.

_As if I would care if that happened._ I thought.

“Alec?” Magnus asked before I got out of the car, I turned to look at him. “Are you alright? You’ve been acting strange ever since we ate dinner.”

“I’m great.” I smiled at him. I learned to fake smiles over the years and I became awfully good at it. Until this moment. Magnus looked at me with that skeptical look again like he knew I was lying.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” He said and gave me a concerned look that broke my already shattered heart into a million more pieces.

_Not anything._ I thought sadly.

“Of course. Thanks again.” I said and got out of the car before I found myself falling apart in front of him. I didn’t hear Magnus’ car leave until I was opening the door. I went inside and rushed up the stairs, the tears already slipping over and I was suddenly glad that I bought a knife two days ago.


	7. Chapter 7

**Alec POV**

One. Two. Three slices to the wrist.

One for stupidly wanting a straight man.

Two for liking the feelings he gave me.

Three for allowing myself to get close to him.

Four.

Four for never being good enough.

The blood fell from my wrist in a waterfall of red and left a puddle sitting at my side. It wasn’t enough to make me die but it was enough to make me come to my senses. I cannot see Magnus again.

Another tear fell from my eye.

Five. Five for crying.

Six for crying over _him._

Seven; for good measure.

I let the knife fall from my hand and lay next to me. Red rimmed the edge of the blade and it stared at me as if to taunt me; to remind me of all the mistakes I have made.

I felt my vision grow fuzzy and knew I was about to pass out. Did I lose that much blood? Did I really care?

I stood up and found the gauze I use to wrap up one of my many mistakes. 

I held the gauze in my left palm and used my right hand to wrap my entire forearm. 

I’m so stupid for doing this. I promised Jace I would never do it again but I couldn’t help myself, I absolutely deserved it. I haven’t done it in so long, that should count as something right? I mean, I didn’t actually kill myself. I have this under control and it’s not like Jace has to know.

What’s done is done.

_Until next time, my blade._

**Magnus POV  
The next day**

Alecs phone was delivered to me by Camille this morning in the office and I could hardly contain myself. I was dying of excitement and anxiety the moment the phone was sitting in my hand. I had ignored Camilles questioning gazes that she has been giving me ever since I asked for it. It’s none of her business.

Now I am standing outside of Alecs work, staring down at the phone and turning it over in my hand. _I hope he likes it._

With a deep breath, I opened the door to the shop and was met with the same as usual except this time there were no customers and I saw no one was behind the counter. I looked around curiously, _maybe he is in the back?_

Just as that thought occurred to me, Alec came out of the back holding a package of coffee beans. He was wearing jeans and a long sleeved black button-down shirt and a black beanie to match. _Ugh those beanies, the way they push his long hair forward and frame his face in strands of black._ I never found beanies sexy until I saw Alec in one; right now and last night as a prime example. His pale skin stood out much more than normal, probably from all the black he is wearing. I wonder why he isn’t wearing his work apron?

Just then Alec looked up and froze at the sight of me. His blue eyes standing out like flares in the night sky.

“Hi darling.” I said with an eager grin. I’m so glad to see him, more glad than I thought I ever would be. I tightened my grip on the phone in my hand as my heart thumped against my chest.

_What has gotten into you? You never do these sort of things for other people and now you’re doing them for a perfect stranger? Now your heart quickens at the sight of him and you’re glad to see him? This is not you, Magnus. Since when are you the one swooning?_

Alecs eyes turned hard and cold. “The usual, I’m assuming.” He commented and went about his business with refilling the coffee machine.

“I have something for you.” I said, unable to contain myself.

Alec looked at me with a frown. “You what?” He asked as if not believing me.

I smiled and walked to the counter, Alec abandoned the coffee beans and stood at the other side of it.

“Here.” I said and held out the phone, Alec stared at me.

“W-what is that?” He stuttered.

“You said you don’t have a phone so,” I hesitated, feeling a bit bashful. “I got you a phone.” I shrugged to make it look like it is no big deal. _Which it isn’t, right Magnus?_

Alec continued to stare at me, this time I could have sworn his blue eyes are a bit more shiny than usual. “Magnus,” He whispered. “I can’t accept that.”

I rolled my eyes at his seriousness. “Of course you can. Take it. My arm is getting tired.” I said playfully in an attempt to lighten him up.

Alec stared at the device in my hand and then slowly took it with his bandaged left hand.

_Bandaged?_

“What happened to your hand?” I asked him with a frown.

Alec immediately pulled his hand away and pulled his sleeve a bit lower in an attempt to cover it, but failing. He is flushing and looking down. “O-oh um.” He stuttered again, this time from something that sounded much like fear. _But what does he have to fear?_ “I cu- accidentally cut- my hand this morning opening boxes.” He chose his words carefully and spoke them slowly but I didn’t pay much attention to this because my concern outweighed my confusion.

“Are you okay? Were you bleeding? Of course you were. What kind of question is that? Do you need stitches? Let me look at it.” The words fell from my mouth quickly and I couldn’t stop them or mask the worry in my voice.

“No.” Alecs head shot up and his eyes were wide with urgency. I stared in bewilderment at his outburst. “I’m okay.” He looked back down at the phone. “Thank you, for the phone. I’ll pay you back.” He said, changing the subject and went back to his work with the beans.

“Alexander, the phone is a gift. If you try to pay me back I will have to take a personal offense to that.” I mocked being hurt to try and make Alec smile. He didn’t look up from his work. “Where is your apron?” I asked.

“Lost it.” He said blandly.

“Just like your name tag?” I commented, mildly amused.

“My apartment is messy.” Alec shrugged and finally began making my drink. He still didn’t meet my gaze.

“Are you alright?” I asked him. He has been acting strange ever since I showed up. First he was surprised to see me, which is odd because I come here every day. He was very bitter, but that is Alec on a daily basis so I’m not going to read into it. He looked like he was about to cry that I got him a phone, I mean it is such a minor thing, why would he want to cry? And then there is his hand, he was lying when he said he cut it on boxes. What does he gain from lying about that? 

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Alec said and put the lid on my drink, then handed it to me.

He is lying again. Why? What is wrong? I wish he would let me help. I hate to see him like this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Magnus POV**

That afternoon I was back at my office, thoughts of black hair and blue eyes swimming in my brain. I just can’t figure out what is going on with Alec. He seemed fine last night and then he wasn’t, just like this morning. I wish I knew, I want to know but Alec is closed off. He doesn’t seem like he is going to let anyone see past the cocky façade he puts up constantly. _I wonder why that is?_ I plan on figuring it out. I want him to be able to trust and lean on me. There is something about him that I actually _like_ and that is rare for me. There is nothing I want more than to be able to hold him close and kiss him constantly. There is nothing I want more than to call him mine.

I had only just sat down at my desk when Camille burst in.

“I swear, if you say there is another-” 

“Problem?” Camille finished for me.

“Is there?” I asked apprehensively but already knew by the look on her face that there is. 

“It’s Ragnor.” She stated biting her lip. “He, uh, quit.”

“WHAT?” I exclaimed and shot up out of my seat, nearly knocking over the chair and desk simultaneously. “Why?”

Camille shook her head indicating her ignorance on the subject. I stormed past her and out onto the main floor.

“How are we coming on the designs?” I called out to everyone and they all stopped to look at me. “Will they be done by Wednesday?”

Everyone was silent and looked to their feet or anywhere but at me.

“We are very _very_ short handed-” Someone finally said, it was Jordan, one of my well trusted employees- just like Ragnor was.

“Is that a no?” I asked furiously.

“We can make it happen.” Maia chinned in, one of my newer workers, some eyes looked her way in confusion and worry; some even gave her the death glare. “Like you said in the meeting yesterday, you hired us for a reason.”

I clapped once and pointed at her enthusiastically, scaring some of the other designers. “That is what I like to hear! Keep up the good work.” 

I turned and walked back into my office, pulling Camille with me and shutting the door. 

“I bet it was Ragnor that leaked the photos to Herondale. I probably scared the living hell out of him yesterday when I threatened everyone’s job. His career is over, I’ll make sure of it.” I began pacing the floor anxiously.

Camille bit her lip and looked away nervously, fiddling with her hands.

“What is it?” I asked, stopping and putting my hands on my hips.

“Are you sure it is worth the effort?” She asked, now meeting my gaze and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Of course, that man ruined me so I’ll ruin him. Then I’ll give Herondale a piece of my mind by having the best clothing line in Fashion week!”

Camille pressed her lips into a hard line and nodded once. She turned to leave but stopped with her hand on the doorknob and turned back to me.

“You’re going to need a date.” She stated, looking at me with her usual confidence she wasn’t wearing two seconds ago.

“I’m what?” I asked raising my eyebrows. A date, huh? I inwardly smirked. I was already planning on bringing one but if it is suddenly _required_ , then my date can’t turn down my offer to go which he surely would have.

“Word on the street is Mr. Herondale is bringing someone for the week of shows, including the day he is showing.” 

Of course he is bringing someone! Leave it to Herondale to always try and one-up my every move. His date will be flawless too, they always are. But fortunately, my date is also flawless.

“Then I will bring someone as well. Do what you have to to get another seat with us.”

“What about the day you are showing? You will be backstage the whole time-”

“So will my date.” I said simply. It is against the rules to have anyone other than the designers and models backstage but when have I ever played by the rules? If I know William, his date will remain in the audience. He is too work-oriented to have a distraction backstage. Now I am back to having the upper hand. Take that Herondale!

“I will get the seat reserved.” Camille said quietly and left, leaving me to frown after her. Gosh, she is acting strange. I’ll blame it on the nerves from knowing she has to walk on a runway for the first time, in Fashion week no less, and for one of the greatest designers.

I sat back down at my desk, grinning to myself. _I can’t wait to tell Alec._

**Alec POV**

I kicked the door shut behind me and flopped myself onto my bed. I’m so tired but I haven’t been able to sleep. I realized I lost a lot of blood last night and I was surprised that I didn’t die right then. I managed to scrub the blood off the floor but there is a faded shadow from where the blood had stained.

My room is a mess. I had to buy multiple blankets in order to keep myself from freezing at night; my bed is a pile of fabric as well as the small love seat by the window. The window that I now have to keep a sheet hanging in front of because of that damn old woman across the way. 

I got frustrated this morning with my clothing that I flung half my closet across the room. I’m am so sick of wearing the same thing all the time and that made it difficult to settle on today’s wardrobe choice. Not that I have much of a variety to choose from anyway. But by doing that, I lost my apron. I searched everywhere but it was no where to be found. That was just my luck.

I bought a lamp for extra light and that sits alone in one corner on the floor. I have my books stacked against one wall and my fridge consists of fruit and cheese slices.

I’m clearly living the dream in this place.

I scowled remembering how work went today. I saw Magnus. I promised myself that I would never see him again and what happens? He is the first person I see this morning.

_It’s not like you had a say in the matter._

_True, but you did accept a cell phone from him!_

I sighed and pulled the device out of my pocket.

_What was I suppose to do? He wouldn’t take no for an answer!_

I turned it over in my hand. It is an iPhone, clearly the newest version, it’s silver and black and feels weightless in my hand. I unlocked it and explored a little. I found the only contact in the phone is ‘Magnus the Magnificent’ with a smirking and kissing icon next to it. I rolled my eyes.

In the notes, I found a note addressed to me from ‘Magnus the Magnificent’. It gave me the password to the iTunes and App store and said to download whatever I wanted. 

I sighed again and laid the phone down next to me. How could Magnus have done this for me? He bought me a phone, who on earth does that for another person? I have never received something like this before and it’s a shame that Magnus doesn’t realize how deeply this means to me.

_He will never know how much it means to you, Alec because you’re not going to tell him._

The voice in my head is right. Magnus doesn’t need to know about the darkness in my life. Besides, I hardly know him and he is interested in women.

_What does that have to do with it?_

Everything. It has everything to do with it.

I sighed again, the thought making the skin on my wrist burn. Or maybe that is just my imagination.

I was pulled from my thoughts at the light tapping on my door. I frowned. No one knows where I live and it is too early for my land lord to want the rent.

I got up and took three steps to reach the door. I will never get over how small this room is.

I opened the door and immediately my heart picked up speed and my stomach grew butterflies. 

“Hi darling.” Magnus said with a soft grin, making my mind go blank. “May I come in?”

“S-sure.” I stuttered and moved out of the way to let him in. I shut the door and turned back to him. He is examining my room with an unreadable expression. I bit my lip and after a long and uncomfortable silence, Magnus spoke.

“First your name tag and now your apron. I’m starting to see why.” Magnus raised his eyebrows at me.

“Well, I’m sorry it isn’t like the perfect house you most likely have.” I grumbled. “Some of us aren’t as fortunate as others.” I regretted saying it as soon as the words fell from my mouth. Magnus’ expression changed to something more difficult to read. Maybe realization or understanding or perhaps something worse, pity. “Why are you here?” I asked him to try and get that look off his face but my tone only made his features darken. _Ugh, why must I always be so bitter?_

“I wanted to ask you something.” He said, straightening his posture and finally regaining the arrogance in his eyes.

“Which is?” 

“As you know, Fashion week is coming up-”

“What’s Fashion week?” I asked him with a frown and Magnus stared at me with large eyes.

“Tell me you are joking.”

“But I’m not. What is it?” I asked again. I’m assuming it has to do with fashion, based the name and that it is coming from Magnus. Given I was raised in a home of all boys, fashion was not a topic of discussion at the dinner table.

“Are you sure you’re form New York?” He asked me with narrow eyes.

“You have made your point that I am stupid for not knowing. Now please enlighten me.” I snapped.

Magnus sighed and began explaining. “The Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week is one of the biggest events in New York. It’s where designers display their latest collections in runway shows to give the people and media a look at the latest trends as well as what is _in_ and what is _out_.” Magnus’ eyes lit up more and more with each word he spoke. “It lasts a whole exciting week and my spring collection is being featured. This is my fourth consecutive year being named.”

“Congratulations.” I said trying to sound disinterested but really I’m fascinated at how Magnus is getting so excited just by talking about it.

“I still find it hard to believe that you’re living in Americas number one fashion city and you have never heard of Fashion week.” He continued shaking his head.

“Take a look at what I am wearing. Does it look like I give two shits about fashion?” I asked him with raised eyebrows to make a point. 

Magnus raked his eyes over me, up and down and back up again, taking an agonizingly slow amount of time. When he reached my face again, I was blushing. “No.” He smirked. “But I am taking you with me all next week.” He concluded.

“Wait. What?” My eyes grew wide.

“You’re going as my date.” He said proudly. Did I just hear him correctly? His _date_? For a whole week? I blinked at him.

“Why would you want _me_ as your date?” I asked slowly and disbelieving.

“Because I like you.” He stated smoothly. “I want you there with me.” Nothing in his features said he is joking. He is looking at me with a serious gaze and has some kind of sparkle in his eyes. Not the one he gets from talking about fashion, but something else. Something that includes adoration and kindness.

I bit my lip but finally said, “Alright, I’ll go with you.”

Magnus broke out into a huge grin and seemed to be restraining from jumping up and down. His excitement made me smile in return. _He is excited for me to go with him_. I thought fondly.

Looking at him now, my thoughts were overlapped by two things:  
 _Could he be any more adorable?  
What did I just get myself into?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is really late, I just missed two Tuesdays in a row O.O so sorry about that! Life gets in the way and all that fun stuff. Anyway, here is chapter 9 and chapter 10 will be posted soon as well.

**Alec POV**

When Magnus left, I sank back onto my bed feeling a bit colder than I had before. Either from Magnus being gone or being stuck going to a fashion show for a whole week.

_Or it’s because your apartment is an ice box._

I rolled my eyes at my smart ass thoughts. I can’t decide if I should be happy about this situation or worried. Magnus wants me as his date. 

_Date_! I can’t believe it. Magnus is gay! Well, more like bisexual but good enough.

_Good enough? More like more competition, Alec…_

Must I ruin everything with my side comment thoughts?

Worried. I should definitely be worried. This might mean Magnus wants more, if Magnus wants more then he is going to want to know more about me and I don’t want him to know more about me. I don’t want him to be scared away. 

Maybe I shouldn’t go and reissue my plan to avoid him.

My heart constricted at the thought.

Ugh. I can’t do that.

If he wants more, then I’m screwed. I’m not going to end up with Magnus regardless. He knows me, he runs. He doesn’t want more with me, I still don’t get him to call mine. If, by that slight chance, he is not interested, I still end up alone.

Alone. I will be alone like I always am. Like I am now.

If I were Magnus, I would run. Run across the country, the equator, the ocean, just to keep from being with someone who is a waste of time and energy. Because all I am is a ticking time bomb and a lost cause. Magnus deserves better than that.

If only I could run away. I would give anything just to start over with my life. I wish I could trade my life for something worth fighting for. If only I had the perfect parents, the annoying little siblings and the white picket fence house. I wish I had school drama to deal with and have to worry about passing a test. I wish I had dance recitals and soccer games to attend for my siblings. I wish I had a father to look up to and a mother who is over caring and protective. I wish I could be the strong big brother that my siblings could lean on.

But no. I don’t have any of that. And I can’t trade my life for someone else’s. I can’t change my past and by the looks of it, I can’t change my future. All I am is darkness, the shadows follow me everywhere I go and test me and the people around me, setting them up for disappointment.

I felt the tears well in my eyes and spill over. I’m a lost cause. I don’t know why people even tried with me. I’m useless, a waste of space, I shouldn’t be alive.  
I should’ve just done the deed last night when I had the chance. But no, I let my morals stand in the way. Fuck that. I don’t care and neither does anyone else.  
That is a job that can easily be completed right now.

I bet no one will even know that I’m dead.

I am that ticking time bomb and here I am ready to explode.

**Magnus POV  
The next morning**

I walked into the coffee shop with a big smile on my face. _I get to see him. I get to see Alec._

There is absolutely no better way to begin my morning than seeing those shining blue eyes and raven black hair. Not to mention that blush I can easily put on his face.

No matter how hard of a shell Alec can be, he is still able to crack and I am able to crack him. That blush is the first sign of it. That blush is more than adorable and mesmerizing, it is reassurance that there is still a person within that jackass of an attitude and that there is hope. Hope for him and me and us together.

Except disappointment flooded me when I noticed Clary behind the counter, not Alec.

“Is Alec here?” I asked her, although I already knew the answer.

Clary rolled her eyes. “No. He didn’t even show up and now I have to cover his shift! Do you know what time it is? And it’s my day off.” She grunted and then took a deep breath to calm herself. “I’m done ranting now. I’m sure there is a perfectly logical explanation for his absence.”

“Yeah.” I said skeptically and left the shop, not before Clary gave me a curious gaze that I ignored.

_If Alec is sick then he should’ve called in, he has a phone now._

_Maybe he over slept?_

_No, Alec is too much of a workaholic to be that careless._

_Something is wrong._

I got in my car and my driver took me to Alecs apartment building. Each stoplight seemed to turn red and lasted a bit longer than the last. My heart would not stop beating in my chest and my breathing felt shallow. _Please be okay. Please be okay._

**Alec POV**

I opened my eyes to a blinding bright light. It took me blinking many times and squinting to finally be able to adjust to my surroundings. It was then that I heard the beeping next to me and realized I have IV’s in my arm and bandages around my wrists. I’m in a hospital.

Everything that happened last night started to come back to me and I instantly knew someone must’ve brought me here.

_Curse them for saving a life that is unworthy of one._

I just started praying that it wasn’t Magnus who found me. I could never let him see me like this.

Then I noticed a golden head resting next to my hand and the owners body slumped over in a chair. _Oh no._

“Jace?” I asked in a rough voice. Immediately, the golden head flew up and I was met with tired, golden eyes.

“You bastard.” He spat in an not believing tone but also sounding quite relieved. “What were you thinking?”

I blinked a couple times at him. “How did you know?” Was all that I could find myself to say.

Jace glared at me. “I didn’t. It just happened to be the night I runaway I find you laying unconscious in a pile of blood.”

“How did you know where-”

“Stole it from Hodges book, how do you think?” He said making me sound like I’m the dumbest person in the world. Of course he stole it, this is Jace.

“Wait, you ran away?” I asked him as if just registering everything he said.

“I guess we are both full of surprises.” He stated and looked away from me.

The two of us were silent.

“Why did you do it?” He asked quietly, still looking away. When I didn’t answer he spoke again, this time angrier. “Damn it Alec answer me.”

“Because I’m worthless.” I stated, matching his same tone. “I have no reason to be alive.”

“That is not true and you know that!” Jace stood up frantically with his voice raising. “You promised me Alec! You promised you wouldn’t do this again! If you had died, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” His voice broke on the last sentence and he stared at the far wall with his hands on his hips. I felt myself stare at him in utter shock, Jace is not the sentimental type. “I need you Alec.” He said a moment later.

I can’t handle seeing him this way. I hate that I did this to him. “Jace-” I began.

“Don’t.” He cut me off and looked at me with glassy eyes. “Don’t try to justify this, Alec.”

“I’m not.” I said with sadness. I cannot believe he is reacting this way, I have never seen him this distraught. Usually he is good at covering it, just like the last time I almost succeeded at killing myself. I was out for days and when I finally saw him, he had to hold himself together because we weren’t alone. “Jace, I’m sorry. I betrayed you and I hurt you. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just, needed it to end. The pain and sorrow. It hits me like a tidal wave, Jace. At the most inappropriate of times and at the most ridiculous things.” I shook my head and looked down at my pale fingers. “I’m constantly reminded of all the things and people I have lost and the things I don’t have and never will, have.” I choked on the last word.

Jace sat back down in his chair and took one of my ghostly white hands in his. “Look at me.” He said and I obliged. “You have me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. You’re not alone in this and you never have been, Alec. I’m always here. You’re not going to lose me. We are all each other have.”

Jaces eyes are desperate and his tone is pleading as if trying to make the words lodge into my brain and stick there permanently. He needs me to hear him- not just listen but actually _hear_ what he is saying. 

And I do hear him. Which is why I made myself the silent promise not to try anything again until I know Jace has found another person to rely on.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this is a little awkward. My last update hasn't been since 2015... who does that!? Oh, wait... *nervous laugh*  
> I must confess that this story has actually been completed since then, but it hasn't been uploaded on AO3. It's been sitting on fan fiction dot net fully completed. Someone so kindly has posted the link in the comments if that is helpful. Thank you to who did that btw.  
> I apologize for the wait, and inconvenience. If you don't wish to wait for the rest, you can check it out on FF, otherwise I am trying to get as many up as I can right now.  
> I appreciate all the love this story has gotten, and all the comments you've dropped on here. It is always a motivator for me, even if it doesn't always seem like it *cough cough*  
> I love you guys, and thank you!  
> xoxox

**Alec POV**

That night I was discharged from the hospital. Jace would not leave my side and would not stop rambling about putting me on suicide watch again and even going as far as speaking of rehab and therapy.

I simply shot down his ideas, stating that I don't need it and that with him around I wont have the chance to attempt anything anyway. Eventually he shut up but I don't blame him for not really believing me. I know I will hear about it again.

We got on the subway train to head back to my place. We sat down in the back and looked out to the other people that are rushing around dressed in business attire and others asleep in their seat or staring aimlessly into space.

"Jace, you realize my place is the first place they are going to check." I stated with concern. Hodge and the others are going to be looking for him and may even call the police and have them open an investigation. If that's the case, their first stop is me.

"I doubt they are even going to bother, I'm doing them a favor by leaving." He said in monotone.

"What made you do it?" I realize this is a ridiculous question, who wouldn't runaway? But after all this time he chooses now? Something must've changed.

"Impatience." He stated. "Our last conversation got me thinking. I'm not doing anything good for myself by being there. I want to experience things. I want to make money and meet people and actually learn what freedom is."

I turned in my seat to face him. Jace is looking off into the unknown like the majority of this train is. It always felt eerie to me, the blank expressions on their faces like they're dead. Jaces is different though, his radiates life and something else I couldn't quite figure out.

"I'll tell you what freedom is Jace." I started a bit angrily and he looked at me, nothing about his expression changed except for the dilation in his eyes as he focused on me. "It is tiny apartments and not getting paid what you deserve. It is fighting to survive, literally. I know you Jace, you're picturing what is seen in the movies, happiness and money and women. That is not what you're getting. You're getting reality. The harsh and unfair reality where you are lucky to get enough money to stick food on your table and put clothes on your back."

Jace was about to respond but I cut him off. "Look at these people around you." I lowered my voice so no one could hear me. "Look at their blank and dead expressions. That is what real life is like. And soon enough, it will hit you like it hit them. Cold and bitter like the winters night."

Jace didn't say anything for a long while, he stared out at the people around us as if trying to process what I said. I was turning back in my seat when he finally spoke.

"You may be right, Alec. Life is not all about flowers and sunshine but that does not mean it is completely absent of it. It means you have to be willing to fight for what you want and believe in. You have to be willingly to see past the bad and know that one day, you will get what you deserve. Whatever it may be."

I blinked then looked at Jace again. He is staring out at the people as if he said nothing. The look on his face remained the same as it had before, but this time I could decipher his expression.

It's hope.

\--

We were out of the subway and walking the short block to my apartment, neither of us said a word until we reached the front door of the complex where a man was sitting on the step underneath the individual buzzers that rang for each apartment. He had his elbows on his knees, and hands raked into his black hair and his right leg was shaking impatiently.  
He didn't hear us approach and it was just when Jace spoke that I noticed the glitter in the mans hair. Shit.

"Dude are you alright?" Jace asked him and immediately Magnus looked up and stared at me with wide eyes, ignoring Jace completely.

"Oh my god." Magnus exclaimed and jumped up and into my arms. I felt myself tense up but immediately relaxed. _This is Magnus, there is no need to be so tense._

I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, making myself relax in the process. _He is hugging me. We are physically touching. Oh my gosh._ Warmth and comfort are spreading through my cold and heartless body. I took in his sandalwood and cinnamon scent that burned so sweetly in my nose, and as he pulled away and held me at arms length I thought, _I cannot believe I wanted to leave this._

"I was so worried. The guy next door to you said he saw an ambulance and that you were taken to the hospital, he didn't know what happened. I went to the hospital but no one would tell me anything or let me see you." Magnus' eyes glinted with worry and fear and relief. I hate that I made him look and feel like this. I never thought what I did would ever effect Magnus.

"I'm sorry." I said weakly to him and his face fell even more into worry.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" He pulled a strand of my hair from my eyes. "It is not like it was your fault."

"No. It wasn't." I said a little too quickly and then I glanced at Jace who was watching the two of us intently. "Jace, could you give us a minute?" I asked him and for the first time Magnus and Jace locked eyes and there was nothing kind about either stares. I swallowed hard and dug out the key in my pocket to give to Jace. He took it and then went inside but not forgetting to glare at me before leaving.

**Magnus POV**

I don't know what it is, but I already know that I hate Goldilocks. Maybe it is because he is around my Alec or because he was with Alec at the hospital and was the one there to support him. My stomach ached at the thought of blondie being Alecs boyfriend.

Aside from that, I still feel sick knowing my precious Alec was in the hospital, for something that I still don't know yet. It scared the hell out of me when I got here and his apartment door was locked and there was no answer each time that I knocked louder and louder and started calling his name desperate for his soft voice to respond or his blue eyes to glisten when he would open the door like they had before. Instead I was met with his neighbor who explained the whole thing. I rushed to the hospital only to be met with a big ass load of nothing. Just that, yes Alec was there and yes he will be alright and no he will not be accepting visitors. I stayed for a good five hours until I decided to come back here and wait.

The inside of the building felt like it kept closing in on me, like the walls kept shrinking a smaller and smaller size to completely suffocate me and eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I came outside and sat in the freezing night air for about an hour. Now I am met with Goldilocks and a saddened, but alive, Alec. My nerves and adrenaline are still going strong but relief was overriding everything. My Alexander is okay.

"Tell me what happened?" I said and took his hand to bring him down to sit on the step with me. The cold brick normally would have seeped through my pants and made me jump at the cold but my whole body was already numb from the cold. Alec sat with me and the cold took no effect on him.

I kept his hand in mine, finding it being the only source of warmth and comfort right now. Alecs whole body is tense and his facial features speak of worry and fear which is far from relieving.

"I-" He began and coughed to clear his throat. "I had lost a lot of blood when I cut my hand yesterday at work and working only made me bleed more. I should've gone to the hospital right away but I couldn't afford it. Then last night I finally passed out. Jace was the one who found me."

Alec still wouldn't meet my eyes. I don't know if I should be worried about this, it's not like he is lying, is he? That is a ridiculous thing to be lying about. But he did seem to be acting this same way yesterday when he said he cut himself at work that morning.

I guess saying that I'm skeptical is the best way to phrase it.

What am I suppose to do if Alec _is_ lying? I can't force him to tell me what is really going on and I sure as hell don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me like he is now.

I looked down at our intertwined hands. His sleeves covered to his wrist and he is wearing gloves, same as me.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I found myself gently saying before I could stop myself. Instant remorse flooded me as Alec stiffened even more. How could someone be that tense? He started to blink rapidly and kept his eyes focused on the ground where snowflakes were softly falling.

I felt myself rub circles on the top of his hand to soothe him. _Don't cry. Please don't cry._ I mentally told him. I'm not very good at this, I have never had to comfort anyone except for my cat, Chairman. The damn thing always needs attention and I always have to rub behind his ear in the way that I am rubbing Alecs hand. Strange that I picked up this method from my cat. It usually worked on him, I hope it will help Alec even if it's in a minor way.

The last thing I need is to pull Alec into another embrace and make him tense up so much that he is frozen like the snow or hold him close and suddenly have him burst into tears like he seems to be holding back right now.

I didn't expect Alec to respond to me at this point. But Alec always finds a way to surprise me, like right now.

"I know." He said with a sigh.

"Do you?" I said sternly. I didn't realize the anger boiling inside of me until just now. How could Alec do this? Why can't he just tell me what is actually going on? Why doesn't he mention who the hell Goldilocks is? Why the hell didn't he just listen to me yesterday morning when I asked to see his wound?

Alec stood up abruptly and faced me with piercing darts for eyes. I have gotten this look before, mostly from my annoyed employees when I ask them to do things seemingly impossible, but this time the glare hurt. I didn't flinch away, my experience kept me from doing just that but my heart did an uncomfortable jump in my chest. I never would have wanted Alec to look like this, so torn up and hurt and many other things that I can't pinpoint. I sure as hell never wanted to be the cause for it.

"No. I really don't." He stated with furrowed brows. "I don't even know you and yet you're doing all these things for me like-" Alec faltered with his words and shook his head.

"Like what?" I asked him and stood up to be eye level with him. We were out in the open now and I watched the snow fall onto Alecs black hair and stick to it. Each flake stood out like the stars in a clear night sky.

"Like you want to be with me." He whispered so quietly I thought I was hearing things. Alec is staring down to our feet, his hands sitting in his jacket pockets and he shifted nervously telling me all I need to know- he did say those words.

Alec is easy to read when he wants to be, or rather, doesn't want to be. Actually no, he is absolutely the most difficult person to read and the most infuriating man I have ever met. But that didn't stop me from reaching my hand out and placing it under his chin to guide his head up and face me.

I looked straight into those ocean pits and spoke my next words gently, sincerely and effortlessly. "There is nothing I want more."

Then I pulled his soft lips to mine and we were kissing.

I told myself it was impossible for someone to tense up to the point where they seem as frozen as ice, but I was wrong. As my lips met his, Alec froze over to that point.

But that didn't stop me, because I know that something frozen can easily be melted.

And as our lips stayed locked and Alec began to kiss back, I knew I had melted him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Alec POV**

Magnus pulled away first and I stared at him, a mix of a million emotions running through me that I have never felt before and don't know how to determine.

_So that's what it's like to be kissed._ Was the only coherent thought I could conjure up.

Magnus looked down at me with glimmering amber eyes and a small smile playing on his lips. "Was that convincing enough, darling?"

I blinked what felt like a thousand times and blushed crimson before I finally found words to answer. "Y-yes."

Magnus smirked. "Good." He said and pulled me into his embrace and I fell into it, enjoying the affection that I never knew existed until this very moment. It felt _right_ , so right. How could I have gone all my life without knowing this feeling was out there? How could I have been pushing Magnus away from me when this was what he wanted to give me? "Please call me the next time something is wrong. I want to help." He pleaded.

_He wants to help. He wants to be there for me._ I smiled inwardly and only nodded my head against his chest in response and I felt Magnus release a breath and relax for the first time today since I have seen him.

Magnus pulled back to look at me but kept his arms wrapped around me. "So tomorrow is Wednesday and it's the day I am doing the fittings for the models of my clothing for next week." He paused and the sides of his mouth quirked up. "And I am assuming that you don't have anything formal to wear when we attend."

"Who says I don't have anything formal?" I raised an eyebrow at him and he only smiled more.

"What you wear on a daily basis for one,"

"I don't wear formal clothes on a daily basis." I stated with a frown.

"I know, love." He smirked again and I tilted my head to one side in confusion.

"Then how would you know if I own anything? I'm not going to show up to work wearing a suit and tie."

"Your clothing is scattered across your apartment and I looked inside your closet. Don't look at me like that, I'm a fashion designer, you're lucky I didn't start picking through your shirts one by one."

"What does this have to do with Fashion Week?" I asked him, slightly annoyed. Curse my apartment for being so small and my closet not having a door on it.

"You need something to wear for the week. Seven formal outfits. Come by my work tomorrow and I'll have my tailor fix something up for you."

I blinked. "Magnus, you don't have to-"

"Yes. I do." He interrupted me. "You will look ridiculous if you show up in casual clothing."

I scowled at him. "I have dressy-er clothes." I argued. "I don't want to burden you-"

"Burden? Darling, quite the contrary. You are no burden to me. I _want_ to see you. I thought we went over this. I'll even pick up some breakfast, or lunch, whichever." Magnus smiled genuinely and excitedly at the thought. I sighed loudly. How could I turn down that face?

"Fine." I grumbled in defeat. Magnus cheered happily with a stupid grin on his face that made me grin in return.

"We are going to have so much _fun._ " He stated with bright eyes.

"What is going on out here?" A familiar voice asked. I looked at the door and found Jace standing against the doorframe.

I pulled away from a suddenly irritated looking Magnus and took his hand leading him to Jace. I was rude to not introduce them earlier but I was also not fully thinking straight. In fact, right now I feel this is the first time in a long time I actually have a firm grasp on what it is I _am_ doing.

"Magnus, this is my friend Jace. Jace this is my- er, Magnus." I bit my lip awkwardly when I finished, what do I classify Magnus as? My friend? Boyfriend? The latter is preferable.

Both men glared at each other, I could practically feel the tension hanging in the air like a guillotine and I swallowed hard. What is it with these two? Jace couldn't possibly be this protective over me, could he? And Magnus? I have no theory, he always gets along with people. Until now. I suddenly regret introducing them.

"Did I miss something?" I asked nervously, trying to break through the thick sheet of bitterness.

"No not at all." Magnus was the first one to speak. Jace kept his eyes on him as he turned to me. "I will see you tomorrow, darling." He said and kissed the top of my head in goodbye, making me blush again. He glanced at Jace one last time and then turned and walked off. Leaving me staring after him and feeling cold without his touch.

"He doesn't know, does he?" Jace asked once Magnus turned the corner and was out of earshot.

I blinked out of my gaze and looked to my feet, knowing full well what he is talking about. "No."

"I figured as much." He stated. "You know that may pose as a problem at some point." He spoke cautiously.

"At some point." I said a bit angrily and pushed past him and into the complex.

**Magnus POV**

It was a short walk down the block to my car, the streetlights flickered overhead and the snow still fell gracefully and crunched beneath my feet with each step I took.

The streets were deserted, a car was parked here or there but nothing that seemed worth a second glance. Until I approached my car and it suddenly dawned on me that I never really put much thought into where Alec lived.

My Audi is extremely out of place next to the beat up trucks and old, creepy looking vans. The buildings around me are old and run down, the brick faded and crumbling on some of the more abandoned warehouses. I turned and looked in the direction of Alecs apartment. It is out of sight now but I still have a good enough mental image.

It's another run down building with rusty railings and broken concrete on the stairs leading up to the main door; I'm sure the sidewalk matches that description as well but it's currently hidden by the snow. The hallway smelt of mold and rust, probably the most disgusting thing I have ever encountered. The stairs creaked when I climbed them to Alecs front door. The inside of his apartment is cold as hell, I just assumed that was how he liked it but now I'm not so sure.

Alec hates the cold and lives in a crap apartment and works a minimum wage job, I don't know how I didn't think on this before. He can't afford a cell phone or a heater. He works all the time because he needs the money, yeah that has to be it. He doesn't have health insurance which is, like he said, the reason he didn't go to the hospital.

It all seems to make sense, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm missing something.

I got into my car and started the engine, immediately turning on the heat. What is it that I'm missing?

It makes me angry that I can't figure it out, what could Alec be hiding that is so terrible he can't tell me about it? Does he not trust me?

The tightening in my stomach told me that I sure as hell hope that is not the case. I want Alec to trust me, I want him to be able to tell me anything and everything. I want to know about him, I want to memorize each bump and curve of his body, the way his hair blows in the wind, the sound of his words rolling off his tongue. I want to know each dark secret of his past and each memory that made him smile and laugh to the point that he almost burst into tears.

_You're in so deep._ I shook my head. That black hair and blue eyed boy has me tightly in his grasp and he doesn't even realize it.

I'm the great Magnus Bane and here I am in a neighborhood where you could easily be raped, robbed and probably much more. I realize now that I was seeing past all this ugly and looking at the bigger more beautiful picture- Alec. That just goes to show how there really is beauty in the ugly.

_Who are you and what have you done with Magnus?_

I rolled my eyes at my thoughts.

I never thought I would be in this position, wanting to do everything in my power to make someone other than myself happy; to want to know someone better than I know myself.

With a sigh, I pulled out of the parking space and started driving to my Brooklyn home. It has been a long day. I have never been more stressed or worried in a week than I have in this one day. And with a job like mine, that says a lot.

As I pulled away I kept thinking about this street. Alec is broke, but surely there are other areas of New York that are safer and less expensive? I don't know how he handles this.

I heard my phone begin to vibrate as I came to a stop sign that led to the main road. I pulled it out and saw over twenty missed calls and messages from Camille.

_Oh great._

With everything that happened today, I completely ignored work. I left my phone in the car all day and didn't care about anything but figuring out what was going on with Alec. I'm sure I am going to get a earful about this.

I dialed Camilles number and started driving again, it is easier to just call than try and drive the New York streets while reading text messages.

She answered on the second ring. "Where the _hell_ have you been?" She asked angrily through the phone.

"Something came up." I answered smoothly.

"What has gotten into you? What do you mean something came up? Since when is anything more important than your job? Especially with tomorrows fittings as well as the show next week!"

I raised my eyebrows at her outburst. I have never heard her flip out like this and to be honest, it scared me a little. I could tell she is pissed but most of all she is panicked.

"Just tell me what I missed." I stated in a calm voice, hoping it will relax her.

"For starters, I think you should know that we are all still here working and that the clothing is coming along very well, they should be finished by your deadline."

I frowned. "You make it sound like that is a bad thing."

"That's because it is twelve in the morning, Mr. Bane. I understand you don't like anyone to work late because mistakes are often made when you're drowsy but I told them to stay anyway because the models will be here in the morning and lost time needs to be made up for."

I scowled into the phone. She is correct, I hate my employees working late shifts and since when is it midnight? Had time flown that quickly?

"As long as the designs are done correctly, then you made a good call." I stated although I am not too happy that she has been making decisions on my behalf. But what choice did I leave her? I'm lucky I have someone as reliable as Camille.

"I also had to make different arrangements with some models because a few can not make it in the morning, I had to schedule them for later in the afternoon. Also, I couldn't get one of the websites to take down your leaked sketches, no matter how much I offered in payment. I bet you can take one wild guess as to which site that is."

"Alicante Fashion" I grumbled. Of course it is Alicante Fashion. "I _knew_ it was Herondale." The Alicante Fashion magazine is one of the number one fashion magazines in the world and William Herondale happens to be good friends with the owner of the magazine. "Any other great news?" I asked sarcastically.

Camille hesitated. "The only other seat at Fashion Week I could book was on the opposite side of the catwalk and in the back row."

I silently cursed to myself.

"I booked it, I will take that seat so you and your date can have the front row."

I sighed deeply, it would be much easier if I could have her next to me to discuss the other collections but I also need Alec there with me. I suppose I'm lucky enough to have even gotten another seat. "Thank you."

"Of course, so I will see you tomo-"

"Hold on, I need you to do one more thing." I said, cutting her off.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Call my tailor, make sure he is there in the morning and make sure you book him out for the rest of the day. Do what you must to get him to be there. Tell him to bring everything, he will know what I mean."

"Will do. Have a good evening, Mr. Bane."

"To you as well." I said and hung up the phone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Alec POV**

I peeled my eyes open and found light shining into the room. I blinked rapidly. I keep the window covered, there should not be any light in this room at all.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." A cheerful voice exclaimed and now I know why the windows are open. I groaned. "Nope, get up! You're burning daylight." Jace said and pulled the sheets off my body, cold air hitting me like tiny needles stabbing all over my skin.

"Dammit Jace!" I mumbled and curled myself into a ball to keep warm. He only smirked.

"I think we need to buy a heater." He said in a matter-of-fact tone. I rolled my eyes inwardly. _Yeah, no shit we need a heater._ "You were right about this place being smaller than my room at the Orphanage. It's not possible for this place to room two, let alone one. There is _no way_ I will survive sleeping on that tiny love seat again."

"Well, Princess, suck it up because right now it is the only option." I said in an annoyed tone, still mad he took away my blankets.

Jace scoffed. "Well, mind telling me how I can get a job so we can move?"

Work. _Shit._ "Jace what time is it?" I said and sat up abruptly.

"Uh," He said and went to the kitchen counter where I left my phone and clicked the screen. "It's noon. Oh and you have a text from, Magnus?" He raised his eyes to me quizzically. "That the guy from last night?"

I got up and took the couple steps to him and snatched the phone away and read the message quickly.

_I'm assuming were doing lunch then?_

I sighed deeply. Dammit. What has it been with me and over sleeping?

"I have to go." I said quickly and started searching my closet and floor for clothes. (I still hadn't cleaned the room free from my clothing I threw around the other day).

"Alec. Job." Jace stated in attempt to focus me.

Job. I forgot to call in! Not to mention explain myself for yesterday. Now I will have to figure out some excuse for my absence for both days.

"Get dressed." Was all I said.

We were both dressed and ready to leave; I was walking out the door when Jace spoke. "Don't you need this?" He said and held up a tan apron with the coffee logo on it. I stared with wide eyes.

"How did you find that?" I asked in amazement.

Jace looked at me with a frown. "It was under a bunch of clothes next to my terrible bed."

_How did I miss that?_ I shook my head, remembering to answer his question. "No, I have somewhere else to be today. But you will be filling out a job application at my work so let's go."

We both left the complex and walked out into the cold morning- no, afternoon- air. The snow was not falling, thank goodness; the city needs a break from all the falling frozen clumps.

The coffee shop is just a couple blocks from my place and we got there quickly, stopping only at crosswalks and to wait for the customers leaving the shop that held the door for Jace and I to enter.

Inside, the store is empty and Clary stood behind the counter, tapping her fingers impatiently on the countertop and flipping through a magazine.

"Hey." I said as I approached the counter. Clary jumped up immediately, forgetting all about the magazine in front of her.

"Where have you been? Is everything alright?" She asked and I was surprised to find genuine concern in her eyes.

"Yeah." I sighed. "I'm sorry. I was held up with my friend." There was a clatter behind me and Clary and I both looked to see Jace picking up a package of coffee beans he dropped and place them back on the shelf. He noticed us and then smiled confidently. I shook my head in annoyance. "That's Jace, he needs a job and I know Luke is always hiring."

"Pleasure to meet you." Jace said and held his hand out to Clary, she shook it and wore a small, shy smile.

"I'll get the application. Luckily Luke will be in later today." She said and started to get the paper.

"Wait." I said and she stopped. "He's not mad is he?"

Clary smiled kindly. "Luke isn't the kind of guy to fire you after two days of skipping work, if that's what you're worried about."

I let out a sigh of relief as Clary went and got the application. Jace continued to explore the store and touch breakable things, which is probably a bad idea considering he just dropped one of the easiest things to hold. Glass isn't advised.

Luckily Clary came back with the paper and Jace perked up, snatching the paper from her and the pen from the counter.

"Great. Well I'm heading out."

"You're leaving me?" Jace raised his eyebrows.

"You will be fine. Luke will be here later so odds are he will interview you right then and there. I have somewhere to be." I said and started walking out.

"Does it have to do with Maguns?" Jace asked as I reached the door. I noticed Clary raise her eyebrows and Jace looked amused.

I only dropped a wink at the two of them and listened as Clary giggled and Jace gasped at my abnormal response. I was smirking the whole way to Magnus' building.

\--

I approached Magnus' building and have a much clearer picture of its surroundings. I realized it is only a few blocks from Central Park and a long distance away from the coffee shop. Makes me wonder why on earth Magnus goes so far out of his way to get coffee at my shop? The coffee isn't that great and it surely is not because of me.

Walking up to the doors I notice there is a name printed on the glass that I hadn't seen last time I was here: Bane Building.

Magnus' creativity begins and ends with design, apparently. I felt myself smile. Gosh, what is it with me smiling lately?

Inside I go straight for the elevators, knowing full well that if I stand around and admire the architecture that I will draw unwanted attention from the security guard like last time.

I press the button to go up and waited patiently for the elevator. As I stared up at the elevator descended from the tall ceiling, clicking of heels were echoing behind me and then stopped next to me.

A blonde woman dressed in a pantsuit and an overly large jacket was rummaging in her equally large purse and muttering something about how she can't lose it again.

The elevator dinged and the woman and I both entered. She continued to dig through her bag and I decided to speak.

"Which floor?" I asked her.

"Same as you." She stated, head and hands still in her bag. I frowned at her but realized she couldn't see me. I was about to comment but she continued. "You're the guy Magnus is waiting for, are you not?" She let out a loud sigh after she spoke and pulled her attention away from her bag in defeat and her deep green eyes clung to mine instead.

I realized with a start that this is Magnus' assistant, Camille something.

I averted my eyes from hers to the numerical buttons on the elevator wall and hit the one that said 14. The number lit up and the doors closed.

The girl has seen me maybe twice and she knew who I was without even looking at me. Maybe that is part of her job as an assistant, to keep an eye out and be on top your game constantly. But there is something in the way she looked at me that made me not look at her again as we rode up. For some reason, the look in her eyes made me uneasy and I realized that I don't trust her.

"So Alec is it?" Camille began in a tone I couldn't recognize.

"Yes." I said smoothly, keeping my eyes forward even when we started going through the different levels and the glass turned to white walls.

"You're Magnus' date for the shows?" She said more as a statement than a question.

"Yeah." I said skeptically. Where is this going?

"That's good." She said. More silence. I watched the numbers on the screen above the buttons. Level 5, 6, 7. "Because you know," 8, 9. "He is really going to need you at the end of the week. Whether he knows it yet or not." 12, 13. The elevator came to a stop with an echoing ding and the doors opened. I stood still and watched as Camille exited and turned back to look at me with a mischievous smirk and an evil glint in her eyes. With a wink, she disappeared around the corner. I followed her out; suddenly realizing this is also my floor. I looked in the direction she went but she was gone.

I sighed loudly. What was that about? Was that a threat to Magnus? Why would she be threatening him and what does she have to gain? If it wasn't a threat then what does she know that he doesn't? Maybe if I ask Magnus…

No I can't bring this up to him; he will believe her before he would believe me.

I shook my head free of questions as I walked into the large room and my eyes grew with the sight before me.

The room is packed with people; and I thought it was busy the last time I was here. There are what look to be models everywhere and the designers are taking measurements with rulers and sticking pins in the ridiculous clothing; others are examining the outfits dressed on the mannequins. There are drapes on the far side of the room and I can only assume that's the dressing area. I noticed some clothing thrown over the top of the bar holding the drapes.

I scanned the crowd for Magnus but he was nowhere to be found. I checked his office, empty. I bit my lip and shut the door. Break room?

I walked through the crowd of people and down the hallway to find an older man sitting at a table next to the window and a girl, presumably a model, eating out of a tub of Ben and Jerries ice cream.

I scowled in defeat and turned to go back to Magnus' office when a voice rang like wind chimes behind me.

"I swear it's not what you think." The girl said quickly and I turned around to see her setting down the container and spoon and rushing up to me to stop me from leaving. I didn't even realize she had seen me. "Please don't tell my boss." She said, her dark eyes pleading. The girl has fair skin, black silky hair and looks about my age. She's tall, thin and is honestly quite beautiful for a woman.

"Oh, I-I wasn't- that's not what I was-." I frowned in embarrassment. I wasn't scowling at her for eating something she clearly is not suppose to be, I was scowling because I can't find Magnus anywhere and it's frustrating.

The girl smiled a gleaming grin with straight, pearly white teeth. "I'm Isabelle."


	13. Chapter 13

**Magnus POV**

I rubbed hard at my temples, the paper bag in my hand crumpling as it brushed up against my torso. I smelt the food radiating from the open top. _I hope Alexander is here and I hope he likes burgers._

The elevator doors opened and I stepped out and walked to my office, ignoring the commotion happening on the floor. Inside, the room is empty of people and I sigh loudly in pure aggravation. What the hell is taking him so long? I couldn't have scared him away _that_ easily.

I set the bag on the coffee table and started walking for the break room when I was stopped by a familiar blonde.

"Who is it I'm working with?" Camille asked nervously.

I sighed again, today just seems to be a day full of sighs. "Jordan. Where have you been all day?"

"I'm sorry, I had some issues-"

"Never mind. You're here now." The last thing I need is to hear about other people's problems when I have my own to deal with. I side-stepped her and kept walking.

"Wait. Mr. Bane." She was next to me and I decided to stop walking. I'm not in the mood to be followed. I need to get my drink and tell my tailor it is best if he leaves. It is clear Alec is not here and won't be showing up anytime soon, if at all. "Are you sure I'm the girl for this? I have no experience in runway and-"

"Stop." I put my hand up to silence her. "I would not have picked you for the job if I didn't think you could do it."

"You had no choice but to pick me for the job." She grumbled.

"You're the girl for the job." I assured her firmly. "Go find Jordan and get yourself in the dress. I promise all will work out." I smiled at her but it didn't reach my eyes. I honestly don't know if she is good for the job, I guess we will find out at rehearsals.

"Okay." She said, trying to be confident and walked to where a bored looking Jordan was sitting at his desk.

As I was about to continue my way to the break room my attention was drawn to the two people emerging from the hallway. Almost immediately, a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt my lips pull upwards happily. Alec was walking with, what looks to be, one of my models; the two of them were laughing and it almost made me laugh. Alec looks so at ease with the girl and when he smiles and laughs it's contagious. It is a rare occurrence to see him in such a state, I almost feel a sort of envy towards the girl for being the cause of his content.

This is not to mention Alec looking gorgeous as ever with his dark jeans, t-shirt and sweater along with the white beanie that I love so much.

I examined the girl more intently. She must be new because I'm almost positive I have not seen her before, and yet, there is something oddly familiar about her. Like the way she smiles and how it lights up her eyes or the way her hair falls flawlessly to frame her face. It's strange. I'll have to ask Camille about her later.

Just then, the girl had taken Alecs phone, typed something in, and handed it back. Alec smiled sweetly and the girl walked over to Maia who is busy sewing.

I raised my eyebrow. Doesn't she know that Alec doesn't go for women? Wait, what if he _does_ go for females?

_So what if he does? It's not like you haven't had your fair share in the ladies._

I shook my head free from the depressing thoughts and I found myself locking eyes with an ocean of blue and suddenly the world had stopped. The noise around me had drowned into muffled voices and the only thing I could see or even knew about was the man walking towards me.

I felt my lips quirk up in pure bliss and Alecs cheeks turned a shade of pink and he ducked his head slightly. _Why is he so adorable?_

"Hey." He said once he was next to me. I had to blink out of my gaze and the world came crashing back with loud voices and a mass amount of people surrounding us.

"Hi." I said a bit exasperated. "Who was that?" I asked before I could stop myself. _Way to be subtle, Bane._

"Oh, um, that's Isabelle. She's one of your models. She's nice." Alec said in a nonchalant tone.

I looked at Alec and then over to the girl, Isabelle, who is talking giddily with Maia, I guess that free-spirit attitude is how she is with everyone? Oh well, I can dwell on it later. All that matters now is Alec. "Are you hungry? I have food in my office. Meet me in there and I'll get us some drinks." I said with an eager smile.

"Alright." He said with a striking grin and went to my office and I continued my way to the break room.

"It's about time you're back." Jose said once I entered the room. Jose is my tailor and I left the poor guy here all day doing nothing but Sudoku puzzles and eating pretzels. "You know I could've had my other clients done by now." He said with a raised, accusatory eyebrow.

I sighed. "Yes, I know Jose but on the bright side you are getting paid for this."

"I'd rather get paid for doing something, Bane." He spoke in his serious yet slightly amused tone. "You have known me for how long and you still think I like sitting around like an old grump?"

I have known Jose for years, I met him when I needed a fitting for my first fashion show and I was impressed with his work. I found myself going to him repeatedly afterwards for other major events. When my collection went large, I offered him a job as my employee but he refused and said he is perfectly fine working for himself and staying out of the limelight.

After going to him for as long as I have, I consider Jose a friend and because of that I know that he hates to sit around while people throw money at him like he is in a retirement home. It makes him feel old- as if his sixty years of age didn't already make him feel that way.

"I won't pay you then." I offered with a smirk.

"No way, you're not getting out of it that easily, kid." He said and I couldn't help but chuckle. _That's what I thought._

"Give me an hour and we can start, alright?" I said and went to the fridge to pull out two coke cans.

"Yeah, yeah." He said and brushed me off, going back to his pretzels and Sudoku.

**Alec POV**

The moment I stepped through Magnus' office door the smell of food filled my nostrils and my stomach grumbled in excitement; making me raise my eyebrows in surprise at my unexpected starvation.

I sat down on the couch in front of the bag and pulled out a plastic container, not even caring about how rude I am being by not waiting. _It's not like he will mind, right?_

I stared down at the food in approval. A large, juicy cheeseburger sat before me with french-fries on the side. I picked up the burger and took my first bite, reveling in the taste of beef.

The last time I had eaten anything relatively close to this was at the Orphanage about a year ago. Hodge was throwing the 'summer kickoff barbeque' which was more like sitting around the table eating undercooked burgers. That was the extent of anything new and exciting happening there- unless we got newbies and even that was hardly anything to be hyped up about.

I was half way through my meal when I heard the door open and close behind me. Footsteps approached and two cans of soda were perched front of me and an amused looking Magnus was sitting beside me. I swallowed my food and was about to speak when I was cut off by Magnus' chuckle.

"Hungry much, darling?" He asked as his thumb brushed the corner of my mouth. I watched as he pulled his ketchup stained finger from my now gaping mouth to his smirking lips. I felt myself blush a deep shade of red that could have easily matched the condiment. "Delicious." He said teasingly when he pulled his thumb from his mouth.

_Yeah, that was incredibly delicious._ Spoke my dirty thoughts.

I turned my attention back to my food and ate a french-fry, knowing full well that eating will not make me blush, though my thoughts continued to linger on Magnus licking his dosed finger. _Mmm._

"I love it when you blush." He spoke fondly. I bit my lip to try and force the blood out of my cheeks. _So much for that theory._

"S-so how was your day, Magnus?" I asked quickly and nervously to change the subject and avoid any further reddening.

"Better now that you're here." He said with a wink. Que my untamable blush and Magnus' melodic laughter in return. "Okay, I'm sorry." He said between giggles and it was then that I realized I was scowling. "My day has been alright. But I am glad that you decided to come."

"It didn't really sound like I had a choice." I said and continued eating my food as Magnus pulled out his own container and began to eat as well.

"You did. Well, actually no you didn't but," He paused for emphasis. "You could've told me no when I asked you to go with me." He took a large bite of his burger and held his shining, golden eyes with mine.

Why didn't I just tell him no? That is the million dollar question. None of this would be happening if I had just said no. I would be at work with Jace and Clary and not having to worry about looking my best with Magnus or how this Fashion Week is going to turn out.

But then I remembered his sing-song laughter and his careless smile that he always seems to be wearing as if nothing is wrong in the world. And the phone, that was the ultimate guilt trip. He bought me a cell phone, how can I _not_ go with him?

And what really got me was that I actually want to be here. Magnus makes me smile and reminds me that there are reasons to be happy even when you have another thousand to be sad. I am grateful for him, even with such a little time we have had together.

"No. I couldn't have." I said by mistake and bit my lip. My thoughts were drifting back to the kiss and it wasn't just any kiss, it was _our_ kiss. My _first_ kiss. The kiss that I can still taste and feel whenever I think about it. The closeness of Magnus to me, his strong arms holding me up and that tiny glint in his eyes as he smiled down at me when he pulled away.

"Why is that?" He asked and cocked his head to one side in curiosity. I realized he that had heard me despite how quiet I had spoken those words.

"I don't know." I shrugged and continued eating, hoping he would just drop the subject. There is no way I'm going to let him know where my thoughts are leading. I don't know where he and I stand and I sure as hell don't want to be the one who brings it up first and ends up looking stupid when he tells me he wasn't interested in me. Who would be interested in someone as plain and boring as me? Someone with a fucked up history like me?

"Of course not." Magnus spoke, saving me from my terrible thoughts. "Who could say no to good ole me?" He winked one twinkling eye. My blush didn't come, just a whole lot of relief that Magnus didn't want to expand on the topic.

We continued eating in silence and I finished before Magnus, who is only half way through his meal. I cleaned up my area of the coffee table and popped open my coke can and took a few sips. After a moment, I felt myself start to react from the caffeinated drink. Caffeine and I have never been friends when it came to sitting still.

I stood up and walked over to the large floor-to-ceiling windows and looked out at the breathtaking sight that I failed to notice earlier. Magnus' office has a perfect view of the Empire State Building as well as the East River. I have never seen New York look this beautiful before, other than filtered pictures of the skyline, but pictures, from what I have seen, can never capture the full detail of what the camera is trying to photograph. There are minor details- like the copy machine in the building across the street or the shadows some of the buildings play across the others and even the steam trailing from the steamboat in the water. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but that cannot compare to the real thing, which is worth a million.

My line of vision was cut off when a white flake fell onto the glass and another one followed. It was then that I noticed the cold, frosty air faintly seeping through the windowsill and my previously content thoughts were clouded by the worry of another blizzard coming in.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" A voice said next to me. I jumped slightly at Magnus' sudden presence beside me; luckily his gaze was trained outside the window.

I blinked. "What?"

"I purposely picked this building, floor and office just for this view."

"That seems like a lot of work for sightseeing." I commented, although I agree that it was a nice choice.

"It's more than just sightseeing," Magnus chuckled without humor. "It was mainly for the sunrise, you see. It represents the beginning of a new day and new beginnings, new people and new adventures. The sunrise is a reminder of all the things I have in my life and all the new and great things to come."

I stared at Magnus long and hard trying to decipher the double meaning but his expression revealed nothing but a daydreaming state. No one can rant so passionately about something as simple and normal as sunrises and not have a reason behind it. I, of all people, know that. "And sunsets?" I pondered.

Something dark crossed Magnus' features in an instant and I immediately regret asking. Magnus is a very optimistic and happy person so whatever the bad memories are regarding sunsets already have my instant hatred.

"A blessing." He said bitterly, his eyes still focused outside.

Before I could respond there was a knock on the door and it swung open, Magnus and I both turned in surprise.

"You ready yet?" Asked a grumpy older man with glasses and a clean-cut goatee. I recognized him as the guy in the break room from when I met Isabelle.

"Ah, perfect timing Jose." Magnus said with a smile on his face, his features completely absent of any kind of pain or torment. "Please come in."

It was that moment I questioned how often Magnus' smile was sincere.


	14. Chapter 14

**Alec POV**

**Monday**

I tugged at my black tie in frustration, successfully untying it for about the hundredth time.

_Okay, it's right over left. Wait, it's left over right. I'm sure that is how Jose said to do it._

I wrapped one side around the other, crossing over the front, going through the loop, pulling tight and… _There_ definitely _shouldn't be that big of a gap between my neck and the tie._

I pulled the tie to tighten it around my neck. Just when I felt satisfied, I noticed the inside part of the tie is longer than the outside part. I groaned.

"You're going to drive yourself to insanity." Jace snickered behind me. "Would you just let me-"

"No." I snapped. "I told you I need to learn to do this by myself."

I heard Jace sigh and watched him in the mirror come up behind me. "Are you sure about doing this? I mean, Alec, this isn't something you would do, ever; and for good reason."

"Yeah I know." I grunted as I tried to even out each end of the tie around my neck to begin the failing process once again.

Jace rolled his eyes and forcefully twisted me around, swatting away my hands and taking the black fabric into his own. I scowled and stared over Jaces shoulder at the bed where his work apron lay. Jace got the job down at the shop and much to my luck, Clary is training him all week and won't require my presence. That saved me a lot of guilt and worry from asking Luke for the whole week off.

"There." Jace said turning me back to face the mirror. I stared in shock to see the tie is perfectly in place.

"How did you do that?" I asked in disbelief, earning an arrogant smile from Jace.

"I have magic fingers, Alec." He winked.

"Don't you have training to get to?" I asked with a glare.

"Yes, with that lovely ginger girl. I can't wait." Jaces eyes gleamed with excitement. His crush on Clary is more than obvious; although it is questionable if Clary reciprocates. "She really hasn't said anything to you about me?"

This is about the sixth time Jace has asked me this question as seeing I worked yesterday and Saturday with her. "No Jace." I sighed. "She said nothing, but I am sure you're about to go and give her _something_ to talk about."

Jace grinned mischievously. "Better count on it." He picked up his apron and walked to the door. "Oh and Alec," I turned around to face a now more serious looking Jace. "Just try and make the best of today." Jace said and walked out the door before I could respond.

I turned around and brought my attention back to the man standing in the mirror. This is a man I don't recognize and that already put me on edge. He's wearing a long-sleeved, dark blue button-down with that annoying black tie and black skinny jeans with a pair of black fancy shoes. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Magnus was alright with working with my color preferences, not that he was overjoyed by this but he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable.

_Too late for that._

I shook my head, the reflection in the mirror doing exactly the same. A loose strand of my slicked-back hair fell forward and I moved it back into place, watching as the clean-cut man mimicked the gesture.

_Just try and make the best of it._ Jace had said. He is still convinced this will end badly. Jace told me that I am unprepared for what is in store. When I first told him about going a few days ago, he was disbelieving. The great Alec Lightwood going to Fashion Week? Anyone who knows me would think it is a joke. Jace had, until he actually saw how serious I was.

And then came all the comments about how this is _way out of my element and that I will be overwhelmed by all the people and luxury and will come to regret the decision to go._ I didn't tell Jace and nor did I lead on that I began to second guess myself, but something must've crossed my face at the time because Jace began to ease up on me.

_"Listen Alec, if you want to do this then that's fine. Just know that I am not above saying I told you so."_

__

_"You won't need to." I wish I actually knew for sure._

__

_"I just hope you're right. You're putting a lot on the line for this guy."_

__

_"How so?" I asked with a raised eyebrow._

__

_"You're doing this out of guilt, Alec. Once you arrive at this grand affair you will see that I am right. I know you well enough to know that you will panic."_

__

_I will panic? No, I know exactly what he means by that. "You think I will cut again." I stated._

__

_Jace, for once, hesitated to think about what to say next. "I don't know for sure if you-."_

__

_"Stop treating me like I am some sensitive child that will break at any moment. Jace it's a Fashion Show. Next thing you know, you will try to keep me from going to an art museum because the paintings are too deep and sentimental."_

Jace had shut up pretty quick after that. I had told myself that I didn't come this far just to back out now. I don't like making promises I can't keep, I had made that mistake once with Jace and I will not make the same with Magnus. He has done a lot for me in such a short time, going to a couple fashions shows are a small price to pay in return.

In a sense, I feel guilty for snapping at Jace the way I did. We are all each other have and he is only looking out for my best interest. But he is not my father. He can't boss me around and tell me how to go about my life.

And that brings me back to the man in the reflection. It's not me and I'm scared that Jace may have a point to everything he said. I hate myself for sweating something as small as clothing and hair. If I'm already unsure about this now, what will it be like when I'm there?

_Just make the most of it._

I guess I have no choice but to do just that.

**Magnus POV**

"Are you ready, Mr. Bane?" Asked my chauffeur, Archer, as I finished putting on my eyeliner. I'm wearing my favorite pair of shining leather pants, white crocodile shoes and a cheetah print blazer over my knitted black sweater in which you can see right through to my skin. I made one of my models wear it for my winter collection and I must say it is one of my favorite designs I have created. I look incredibly hot.

"In a moment. Go and start the car, I'll be down soon." Archer scurried off behind me and was replaced by a familiar figure.

"We are going to be late." Camille stated in her elegant and flashy red dress.

I pulled out my golden glitter and began to sprinkle it into my perfectly spiked hair. "Fashionably late." I winked at her in the mirror.

"You seem rather cheerful." Camille frowned at me.

"How could one not be? This is Fashion Week." _I need more glitter._ I unscrewed the top and poured a large amount into my hand and let it shower on top of me. _Perfect._

"Exactly my point. You're normally very tense and stressed out. Could it have something to do with your date?" She raised her eyebrow and I only grinned at her. "Of course." Camille rolled her eyes and left the doorway.

"Could you put some food in Chairmans bowl?" I called out to her. "I forgot to feed him when I woke up and now he is angry with me." It is awfully ridiculous for a cat to be angry at its owner. Sometimes I think he _glares_ at me. I spoil that cat so much that when something doesn't go the way he wants, I get the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. I rolled my eyes. _Like father like cat._

"Sure thing." She called back.

I washed my hands clean of glitter and put the tube back in the medicine cabinet. I walked out into my main living room and saw Camille in the kitchen feeding Chairman. Chairman Meow looked at me as I entered and gave me his famous glare and turned his tail to me and pranced over to his now full bowl.

_I'll make sure to give him a bath tonight._ I thought, feeling vindictive.

"Finally ready?" Camille asked, as she put the bag back into the pantry at the mini bar.

"Yeah let's go." I said and opened the door, letting Camille go ahead of me. I took one last glance at The Chairman as I was closing the door. He stared at me and gave a hiss as the door closed.

_I can't wait for that bath._

\--

We drove to Alecs apartment and the moment the car stopped Camille let out a gasp.

"He lives _here?_ " She asked with a disgusted tone. "I thought this was a short-cut! How is he still alive?"

"So I wasn't imagining things when I first came here?" I bit my lip and looked around at the questionable neighborhood and thinking back to when I first examined the boarded up buildings across the street and the short, rusty iron gates leading up to Alecs building.

"Absolutely not. Hurry up and get out, I need to lock the doors." She said dramatically.

I rolled my eyes and got out; shutting the door behind me and not even a second later I heard the familiar click of the locks on the car doors. I smirked and went inside, excited to see my lovely Alec.

"What are you smirking at, Bane?" An irritated voice asked as I was climbing the stairs. I stopped mid-step and looked up and found Goldilocks staring down at me with a glare that could have easily matched my cats.

I'm sorry did I say irritated voice? More like irritat _ing_ voice.

"Pardon?" I asked playing stupid. I grinned condescendingly as the boys glare deepened.

"Wow you really don't get it, do you?" He stated, coming down a couple steps so he is towering directly above me. I only raised my eyebrows at him. "If you hurt him, I'll kill you."

I scoffed. "You don't need to worry about that, Sunshine." I pat him on the shoulder as I took another step up. Jace caught me by the arm to stop me from going any further. Our faces eyelevel and his eyes like daggers into mine.

"My promises don't go unbroken, Sparkles. If you hurt him-"

"Yeah I get it. You will kill me. That's a typical friend thing to do. I'd be concerned if you didn't. Now if you would excuse me." I looked down at my arm he was still firmly gripping, only to be gripped tighter. I sighed in annoyance and looked at him. "What?"

"You underestimate me and you overestimate Alec." Just then, Jaces expression changed as if something dawned on him. It went from angry and defensive to something along the lines of concerned and fearful. "You shouldn't be taking him to Fashion Week." He spoke lowly. "You shouldn't be having him around your lifestyle at all. We don't know how he will react-"

"What are you talking about?" I asked with a frown. What is he saying about Alec? I'm _not_ overestimating him and there is nothing wrong with taking him to Fashion Week. And what's wrong with my _lifestyle?_

Jace let go of my arm and blinked as if remorseful for speaking. "I need to go." He said and ran down the stairs and out the door. I stared after him.

_We don't know how he will react._ What the hell could that possibly mean? He is speaking as if Alec is some mental patient in a psyche ward and we don't know how he will react to going outside. And that annoying darkness in his eyes as if he is fearful of Alec. Some friend he is. If Goldilocks ever comes near me again I will knock his golden ass out for even speaking of Alec in such a way. Who does he think he is?

"Magnus? Magnus?" A hand was resting on my shoulder and I jumped out of my thoughts and into an ocean of blue. "Magnus are you alright?" Alec asked me looking worried.

And then my vengeful thoughts of Jace were consumed.

All that matters is this man standing in front of me with those sensitive eyes that feel like they're delving into my soul and seeking for my darkest secrets and summoning my every demon. And that slicked, black hair that doesn't seem to want to stay in place but looks flawless and so smooth that my fingers twitch in a yearning to stroke it. And those soft, pink lips that were once connected to mine that I want nothing more than to connect again and feel that little spark as they pieced perfectly and effortlessly together. Those lips moving on mine, those lips moving right now…

"Magnus, say something." Alec was pleading with a tone that seemed agitated.

"You look beautiful." I said before I could comprehend the sentence rolling off my tongue.

Alecs look of concern vanished immediately and was replaced by red cheeks. My grin came instantly. _That blush could end wars and save lives._

"Shall we?" I asked him and offered my arm to him. Alec looked at me hesitantly and I rolled my eyes and took his arm in mine before he could refuse. "I will not let you be stubborn today." I said as I guided him down the stairs.

"I'm not stubborn." He argued with a frown.

"Darling, stubborn is your middle name." I grinned and pecked him on the cheek sweetly. Alec tensed up and a fresh crimson ignited his face and I giggled. "Come on. This will be fun." I said cheerfully and pulled him out the door.

**Alec POV**

_I already regret this decision._ I thought to myself as we pulled up to the pathway leading to the large building. Paparazzi are swarming the doors, cameras flashing and security guards trying to push them away as people entered and exited.

_I told you so._ Jace sang in my head.

_Shut up, it's not going to throw me over like you're so sure will happen. I just don't like large crowds… or cameras._

__

__

_Well you're in the wrong place, my friend._

"Uncomfortable?" Camille whispered in my ear as Magnus climbed out. I turned and looked at Camille. Her expression was expectant for an answer and a condescending smirk danced on her red lips.

I narrowed my eyes at her. _I don't like you either._ I thought irritably. I wish she would just disappear from mine and Magnus' life. I don't understand how Magnus could think highly enough of her to make her his assistant. This pretty face is nothing but a mask to her manipulative and pretentious ways.

"Alec?" Magnus called. I broke my glare with Camille and climbed out and stood next to him, Blondie followed and we made our way up the sidewalk to the doors. Before we were halfway there, the paparazzi spotted Magnus and came running.

I felt myself tense, Camille groaned incoherent words that sounded a lot like fuck and dicks; and Magnus was wearing the biggest grin I have ever seen. It reminded me of a five-year-old in a candy store.

"Magnus! Look over here!"

"Mr. Bane is that your date?"

"Magnus!"

"Magnus!"

I kept my head down as the cameras continued to flash in my face and Magnus kept smiling as Camille pulled him along to the entrance. Maybe that's why he keeps her around, without her Magnus probably would've stood there posing for hours.

When we reached the doors, the security guards let us in and helped keep the paparazzi out.

"Well that was fun." Magnus spoke happily once inside.

I think Camille responded but I was too distracted by the sight before me.

The room is large with dim lights and candles set up everywhere giving the room what little illumination there is; on the round bar height tables, on the bar itself at the far end of the lobby and even some were mounted in the large marble pillars and wallpapered walls. The floor was also white marble and shined as if it were just polished. Instrumental music beat quietly in the background and I noticed the hallways breaking out in all directions; presumably to the runways.

Aside from the grand lobby, the people made me stare in awe. There are men and women dressed in attire similar to mine, Magnus' and Camilles. People are in clusters around the tables and in the lounging areas, drinks in hand, laughing and smiling as if it's the easiest thing to do in the world.

"Alec?" Magnus called. I broke out of my gaze and turned to him. A smile grew on his face. "Amazing isn't it?"

I blinked but nodded.

"You should see the one in Paris." Magnus stated. _Paris? As in France?_ "Come on, we need to go through security."

It was then that I noticed the waist high wall blocking my way to the opulent people. Magnus led me along the wall and to the security section where more guards were stationed. There is a large, gray rectangular arch that people are being directed to step through one-by-one. It reminded me of airport security.

There are a few people ahead of Magnus, Camille and I and I watched as each person handed the guard their cell-phone, keys and any other magnetic object and showed the guard on the other side a silver wristband.

I frowned at this just as Magnus took hold of my wrist and wrapped the same silver paper around it.

"Your way in." He said at my questioning gaze. I noticed that he and Camille were also wearing the same thing.

Camille and I made it through security quickly and we waited as Magnus had to remove every piece of jewelry he is wearing, walk through the detector and put it all back on again. I am almost positive he is wearing every piece he owns.

"How is it possible that I am wearing less jewelry than you?" Camille asked impatiently once Magnus finished.

"Surely you should know the answer to that by now." Came a female voice from behind us.

"Tessa, love!" Magnus exclaimed cheerfully. I turned around and looked at a flawless brunette wearing a sapphire blue cocktail dress and heels as tall as Camilles. I don't understand how they manage to walk. What are they anyway? Like 6 inches? "Where has James been hiding you?" Magnus asked and greeted her with a kiss on each rosy cheek.

"LA of course, but we spent the summer in London. Such a beautiful city." She said with a glint in her eyes.

"That it is." Magnus smiled. "Tessa, I'd like you to meet Alec," Magnus turned to me and Tessa looked at me with a friendly expression. "My boyfriend."

My face drained of all color. _Boyfriend? Did Magnus just say boyfriend?_ No I must've misunderstood him; surely I'm not his _boyfriend._ Why would anyone ever want me to be? I can't be Magnus' boyfriend- that opens up to another world of intimacy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't handle those being single so how could I ever want to place it all on another person? I already scare Jace, I can't do it to Magnus too.

Did we even have this conversation? No. All we did was share one kiss; does that automatically give us labels like _boyfriends?_ If so, I made a terrible mistake.

"It's nice to meet you." Tessa said and held out her hand. I swallowed hard and shook her hand with a smile I tried to make genuine.

"You as well." I spoke evenly even though my mind is racing with panic.

"I'm getting a drink." Camille announced and walked away. _I like your train of thought, Blondie. Too bad I'm underage._ I internally groaned.

"Why do you still keep her around?" Tessa asked Magnus in a quiet and miserable tone.

"Who?" Magnus asked with a frown.

"Camille. Who else?" Tessa said with raised eyebrows.

_So I'm not the only one who doesn't like Camille._

Magnus sighed. "Because she is the best there is, you know that."

"I don't trust her." Tessa stated bluntly.

_You and me both._

"So how is James?" Magnus asked in attempt to change the subject. I can only assume that Magnus and Tessa had the conversation about Camille before. "Is he here today?"

"He is great." She said and absentmindedly twirled the diamond on her left ring finger. "I think he is talking with William right now." She nodded her head towards the bar.

Magnus stiffened and stared in the direction of the bar. I couldn't help but feel curious about who he is. An ex, maybe? A nemesis? Perhaps I don't want to know…

"Magnus don't do it." Tessa warned as Magnus' eyes locked on something and his fists clenched.

"Do you even understand the particular kind of hell he has raised for me this time?" Magnus asked in an angry whisper.

Tessa looked at me for help but I was just as clueless as she. She bit her lip but soon spoke. "Starting a fight is not going to do you any good."

"The fight has already started." Magnus stated.

Magnus made for the bar but Tessa caught his arm. "I mean it. You're going to regret making such a scene. It's bad publicity."

"He has already given me the bad publicity." Magnus argued.

"Don't add fuel to the fire." She said. Magnus continued to stare in the direction of said William.

"She's right, Magnus." I blurted out. _Why am I getting involved?_ "If he is already causing problems you don't need to add on to it."

At this, Magnus slowly broke his trance and looked over at me and his face and shoulders relaxed instantly. Tessa looked at me with a silent 'thank you' and I realized that of course she would look to me for help, I'm Magnus' so called _boyfriend._ He would listen to me.

"Just avoid him at all costs." Tessa added.

"I agree." I said. Magnus sighed in defeat.

Just then the music cut off and a British male voice filled the speakers. "The Marc Jacobs show will begin in five minutes in show room A."

"That's us." Magnus said, returning to his usual happy self. Tessa and I exchanged glances that spoke of silent relief.

Wait, why am I relieved? I guess it's because Magnus is my boyfriend and I am suppose to be.

I shivered. _Boyfriend_ is one label I may never get use to.

_Maybe you don't have to. He probably wasn't being serious. It is much easier to say you're his boyfriend than saying 'Yes this is Alec the suicidal freak I felt bad for and decided to drag along'._

That probably is the case. I rubbed at my wrists hidden beneath the fabric of my shirt. _Though Magnus doesn't know about these._

__

__

_But he does know you're dirt poor and live in a shitcan._

"Let's go get our seats." Magnus said and took my hand, intertwining our fingers and pulling me from my harsh thoughts.

"I'll see you two soon," Tessa said. "I need to go find James." She smiled and walked in the last known direction of, I believe to be, her husband.

"She likes you." Magnus said the moment Tessa was out of earshot. We began moving with the crowd towards show room A.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked him. No one ever _really_ likes me.

"She wouldn't have been so kind. And besides, what's not to like?"

_A lot of things._

I only shrugged and smiled faintly.

**Magnus POV**

The day went by quickly and I was disappointed when it ended. After the shows I dropped Alec back home and it seemed like he couldn't get away fast enough. He seemed fine throughout the day and I couldn't believe how Alec took everything like a champ. I know this is not something he would ever want to do yet he made it through the day like it was his second nature.

He got along great with everyone he was introduced to, which was surprising considering the way he and I first met. Tessa especially liked him. She had texted me right after she met him saying that he is a keeper. I like the sound of that. I have known Tessa for many years and her opinion means everything to me.

It was during the Betsy Johnson show that I realized, for sure, Alec is meant for me. All throughout her show I would not stop turning to Alec and telling him my opinion of each outfit, in detail, that came down the runway. Alec looked amused the whole time and wasn't frustrated at me for it; he actually gave _his_ opinion on some of the clothing, good and bad. I was disappointed by his comment about something having 'too much glitter' and I had to explain in great depth why glitter is in fact the best accessory to any outfit.

After her show, as if my inner fangirl wasn't raging enough, I saw Betsy Johnson herself. I was pretty sure I cut off the circulation in Alecs hand the moment I set eyes on her. It was Alec who encouraged me to go up and talk with her but I didn't have the nerve so he actually _dragged me_ over and introduced us- not that introductions were needed.

Betsy _knew me. Oh my God._ I found out she is a fan of my work and Alec had to claw his nails into my hand to keep me from jumping up and down like a schoolgirl.

Throughout the entire day Alec had known when I spotted the lovely William Herondale. I don't know how he knew, he just did. Alec gave me a look with those beautiful blue eyes of his that said not to do anything stupid. If it weren't for him, Herondale would be in the hospital and I in prison; that idea still sounds rather appealing.

Over all, it felt like the day went well. Alec didn't even seem surprised by me stating he is my boyfriend. Ah, Alec my boyfriend. That still sounds so exhilarating thinking about. That wonderful black hair and blue eyed boy is mine and I am his.

So why was he in such a rush to leave me once I dropped him off at his apartment? Why did he turn down going to dinner with me? Why didn't he give me the chance to kiss him goodbye and thank him for one of the greatest days of my life?

Maybe I am being paranoid. He could have really needed to… What could he have _possibly_ needed to do?

_Jerk much?_

I don't know every concept of his life. For all I know he could have a night job or be in college.

_And he can only afford a place like that? Not a chance._

__

_It's none of your business, Magnus. Maybe he just didn't want to kiss you._

__

_That's ridiculous! Of course he did! Who doesn't? Plus he's my boyfriend._

__

_You never actually asked him._

__

_But he never said otherwise._

I will drive myself crazy by this internal argument about what Alec is thinking. I should know by now that I will never understand or know how to read him no matter how hard I try. Alec only gives away what he wants someone to know.

A ball of fur crossed my line of vision and my eyes followed Chairman Meow to his food bowl. With a scowl, I stood up from the couch and filled Chairmans bowl. The moment it was filled Chairman glared at me and didn't bother touching it.

"Don't tell me you're still mad about this morning."

Chairman stared up at me.

"Eat." I demanded and went back to the couch. After a moment, the ball of fur was eating the food.

_Enjoy it, you're still getting that bath._


	15. Chapter 15

**Alec POV**

**Friday**

The past few days have gone by quickly, much to my approval. If there is one thing I learned from this experience it is how much I truly hate fashion.

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever done. Sit in a chair and watch as men and women strut down a glowing path in the most ridiculous clothing I have ever set my eyes on. I don't even think I have seen a single person wear such a thing in public.

This is one of the most boring experiences of my life.

I keep my head up and smile for Magnus though. I owe him that. So I sit quietly and make comments about something here or there just to keep the smile plastered on Magnus' flawless face.

And then there are the people. Everywhere. Almost every corner I turn with Magnus there is someone he has to introduce me to or has got to say 'hello' because they have not seen each other in 'ages'.

I don't like being social and I don't like meeting new people. I prefer staying off to the sidelines and out of the spotlight but it's not possible when I'm with Magnus.

Then there are the _pictures_. I can't stand them. The only thing that has kept me from punching one of the paparazzi in the face is to avoid the additional attention it would bring.

But today will be different from the others. Today I will be stuck backstage with the models because that's where Magnus will be; directing his models and making sure everything is perfect for his runway show. I haven't fully decided if this will be a good or bad thing, I guess I will find out when I arrive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for Magnus. This is a big deal for him and I am happy that things have been going smoothly the entire week. With the exception of almost bumping into that William guy that Magnus refuses to talk about. There is nothing more infuriating than avoiding a person that I have never seen before and know nothing about. All I can go off of is Magnus' body language. He tenses up and his eyes stay locked in the direction of the guy and I always have to pull Magnus the opposite way and get him talking about something else entirely.

I've tried to look and see what the man looks like but I can't look and just automatically know. Whoever he is, he never seems to be looking back at Magnus. I would've caught that.

It's not like any of this is new to me; faking a smile, shaking hands with strangers, reading body language. That has been my entire life and I'm use to doing it and have gotten very convincing. Convincing enough that people _like_ me when we meet, but it's not me they like- no one could ever truly _like me_. It's the character I have created to help myself survive.

That is why I have been avoiding Magnus after the shows since Monday. He would be able to tell me that he was only saying that I'm his boyfriend because it's easier than explaining who I really am and no one would believe him if he said we are 'just friends'.

The truth is I don't know if I want to be Magnus' boyfriend. The title sounds nice and all but with the title comes a large amount of feelings and expectations that I am not ready for; and I know for a fact that I can't walk into a relationship with secrets. Jace had a girlfriend with secrets once… Had.

I would have to tell Magnus everything- but I can't. There is absolutely no way. If I am going to lose him, it can't be because of my darkness.

So what is it that I want? I guess that is the real question and the answer is, for the most part, what I have been wanting since I was 15. Death.

Every night this week when I got back from the shows Jace has been home and, as promised, has stories about him and Clary and goes on and on about how 'she's the one'.

It must be nice for him to be so sure of himself and his life. The only thing I am sure about is death.

Jace has a date with Clary tonight which means I will be alone.

Alone, like I have always been and always will be. Jace was my only reason to live but now he doesn't need me anymore and that makes this choice much easier.

I won't make a mistake this time.

This time, I'll make sure the job is done.

**Magnus POV**

"Okay, guess what?" I exclaimed as I walked Alec to the car for this amazing day ahead of us. Alec is wearing one of my favorite outfits Jose has picked out for him- all black shoes, faded black (almost grey) skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with a light grey scarf and an all black jacket. Not the most ideal clothing option for the outdoors when it's below zero outside but we will be inside all day and Alec doesn't really seem to care about the temperature.

"What?" He asked with raised eyebrows, clearly not expecting my magnificent enthusiasm. You would think he would have gotten use to it by now.

"There is an after party tonight and according to everyone-"

"As in Tessa." Alec mumbled.

"As in Tessa," I confirmed with a grin. He already knows me and understands my sense of language so well. "You and I _have_ to be there."

There was a pause. I already know Alecs response. Unfortunately for Alec, I need to be at this party with him. This party is dedicated to all the designers who had a show that day, which means the party is dedicated to my amazing self… and some other people that aren't as great as me.

For example, William Herondale. The only thing that has held me back from knocking him on his arrogant ass is Alec. Alec doesn't realize how grateful I am to have him here supporting me. Without him, I would be suffering the publicity of being another one of those 'most elegant bachelors' and that is the ultimate slam in the fashion industry. Aside from that, I don't have any bad publicity because I have been able to avoid William and I think this streak will end tonight. And if that's the case, I need Alec with me to help me keep my sanity.

And beside, Alec is my boyfriend. I _want_ him to be there with me.

"Magnus I can't-" Alec began, just as I expected.

"Nope. I'm not letting you run off this time. Tonight, you are mine." I stated flirtatious and authoritative with a large smile plastered across my face.

With a defeated sigh, Alec got into the car and climbed over to the far end where Camille has been sitting all this week. With her being one of my models today, she is already on location with the rest of my employees.

I got in behind Alec and shut the door and my driver began the twenty minute drive to the show. Alec was staring out the window with his head resting on his fist and was oddly quiet, more so than usual.

"What is it?" I asked him before I could stop myself.

Alec looked over with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"What's wrong? You seem," I pondered for the best word. "off."

Alec scuffed and a ghost of a smile played on his lips. "I'm not off Magnus. I'm great."

I stared at him long and hard and Alecs face didn't weaver and I couldn't read a single emotion on it.

_Something is definitely wrong_. The voice kept repeating in my head the rest of the drive to the show

**Alec POV**

Backstage is a lot different from the pristine and top-notch lobby and runway rooms. It was messier and much more busy and hectic. The lights shined a florescent white, the air smelt of hairspray and the floors and walls are solid concrete.

Models ran in every direction. Some in regular clothes, some in Magnus' designs… others half naked; forcing me to look anywhere but the shirtless women.

I recognized most of them, some of the designers as well. But others, like the hair and make-up stylists, are strangers. I noticed one hair stylist working on a, fully clothed, model; he was brushing it upward with a comb and spraying hairspray in it, making it stand straight up. _I hope he doesn't plan on leaving it like that_. I thought with horror.

I felt my shoulder collide with something solid and a female voice screech in pain. The force of the blow swung me around to face the dark haired girl that I hadn't seen walking into me.

"Dude watch where you're- Alec?" The girl looked up at me and I realized that I know this girl. The last time I saw her was the day I met her, Magnus' office the day of my fitting. I found her eating a tub of Ben and Jerries ice cream and she freaked out thinking I was going to run and tell her superiors. I remember being absolutely amused by her.

"Isabelle?" I questioned and she grinned widely.

"Hey." She said again and then her smile faded into a frown. "You never called me."

"Uh." I mumbled, not sure how to answer her. I looked down at my feet and stuffed my hands into my pockets. It's not like I didn't have the chance to call, I did. And it's not like I didn't want to. I just… lacked the motivation to even care. That seems to be happening a lot lately.

Isabelle laughed a sing-song sound and spoke again. "Fine I guess I'll just have to call you." She dug in her jean pocket and pulled out her phone. I then realized that she is also shirtless. _Oh god_. I looked to the ceiling. _Why is everyone shirtless_? "Number?"

I gave her my number and she was back to smiling happily again. "Great. It's a date."

I felt my whole body go rigid and eyes grow wide. "A what- No. I can't-" I stuttered. _Isabelle I'm gay_. I screamed in my mind.

"Relax." She giggled. "I'm just kidding. It's obvious you're gay, you're looking anywhere but my chest. Most guys can't control themselves." She sighed as if it's the most inconvenient thing to have men swoon over her. "Besides I know you're with my boss." She winked at me and strut away towards the racks of clothing. "You better answer when I call!" She yelled behind her.

I felt myself smirk. Isabelle is crazy and for some reason, I like her. She is persistent and always smiling. It's strange, I feel like I know her, really know her. There is something familiar about Isabelle, the way she talks and walks; the way her black hair flows and her cheeks ignite with pink when she smiles. Then there is the fact that I am oddly comfortable with her; almost as comfortable as I am with Jace.

_But too bad you're never going to figure out why that is_. My subconscious mind told me. _You'll be dead by the morning_.

I swallowed harshly and shook the thoughts away. _Not here and not now_. I scolded myself. I need to keep the smile plastered on my face, for Magnus and now Isabelle. I can't let anyone know how truly broken I am on the inside. How with every thump my heart beats, it feels like bruises forming on my ribs. How with every breath I breathe, it feels like inhaling thick, black smoke.

_All I have to do is be strong for one more day_. I told myself. _One day so no one suspects anything and then I can end it once and for all_.

With a deep, smoke-filled breath, I continued my course around the hustle and bustle of the fashion world. Magnus had long disappeared and I only assumed he went to help with the models somewhere.

I came to a stop when I heard music begin to beat and everyone backstage was hushing each other to be silent. Models ran, fully clothed in Magnus' designs and hair and make-up completely finished, in the direction of said music and they all scrambled in a specific order, pushing one ahead of the other, whispering 'no you're after me' or 'no you're supposed to be up there'.

"You!" Someone said from behind and turned me around by the shoulder and suddenly I was holding a heavy object in my hand and was staring, surprised, at a man dressed in all black, with curly brown hair and rectangular glasses. "Thank god, my replacement photographer. Get out there and shoot the show, I can't do this alone and Bane will have my ass."

I looked down at what was in my hand and noticed it is a large, and very expensive looking, camera. I looked back up at the man standing before me. "You have the wrong guy, I'm with Ma-"

"Shh!" Called out half of the nearby people. The entire backstage was silent. The only light was coming from small lanterns and the glow of the runway in the main auditorium.

"Let's go." Whispered the stranger with urgency and dragged me by the arm around the corner, through a door, out onto the main floor. He continued to pull me behind the audience seated in the back and down an aisle leading to the end of the runway where a few other photographers were stationed. A bodyguard let us both in and the guy pulled me down into a crouched position and prepared his camera.

I didn't know how to breathe the whole time. I've never seen a camera like this in my entire life-let alone take a picture.

"Uh, dude-" I started in a whisper loud enough for the guy to hear me over the music but quiet enough so no one else could.

"Simon." He stated and held up the camera and twisted the long looking nose on the end of it.

"Simon, you have the wrong guy. I'm here as a guest to Magnus and I don't know how to use this thing." I held up the camera to him and he stared at me.

"The girl said you were the replacement photographer." He said, concern and panic etching his voice.

"Who?" I asked and suddenly a model was walking down the runway.

"Never mind- here." He traded cameras with me and started fiddling with the one I had been holding. "Use that, it's already on and in focus. Take a picture when she is half way down the runway. Press this button." He pointed to a black button and I stared at it and looked at the other photographers; cameras pressed to their faces and flashes going off. "She's half way." Simon stated aggressively.

I blinked and held the camera to my face, realizing there is a lens I can see out of, and pointed it to the model that was crystal clear in the camera and quickly clicked the button Simon pointed out. A flash went off and I did it again and again, getting a hang of the camera as well as some good shots of the model in Magnus' clothing.

"There are forty models, I need you to get at least four shots of the designs, front and back. You have enough space to get that much and more." Simon said as he too was clicking away.

"What happens when they become blurry?" I asked him with a frown. I looked through the lens as the next model came down and her entire frame is a blur.

"Means she is out of focus, gosh you really haven't ever used a high-quality camera before." He said more to himself as a confirming statement than to me as a question. "I adjusted the camera so you can take the shot as she is halfway down the catwalk. Just shoot them then."

I obliged easily but still wondered how to change the focus of the camera. I glanced over to the other photographers and noticed some of them playing with the nose of the camera. I absentmindedly cocked my head to one side in wonder and turned back to the models walking on stage, one coming forward, one going back. With the camera back to my face, I felt my fingers fumble with the front of the camera, twisting one of the lenses and I noticed the model change in front of me- going worse blurry and then smoother and clearer. I took the picture, and wow, was that a nice picture.

_So that's how you use a camera_. I thought to myself, extremely satisfied.

For the remainder of the show, I kept taking pictures. Focusing, re-focusing, clicking the button and capturing the model in the camera. For the first time in a long time, I felt a my lips turn upward. It's a small smile, but it is true and genuine and... foreign. I have always faked these things but now I suddenly feel… content. Something I know of but have never experienced until now.

Something I wouldn't mind experiencing again and again.

It's strange, feeling something other than pain, and having it be from something as simple as taking pictures.

The show was coming to an end as all the models trailed out in one line, one after another. I snapped as many photos as I could of the models all together. At the end of the line was Magnus, arms linked with the last model. The audience was standing and clapping. My camera never stopped snapping, I got some great shots of Magnus smiling happily with his model as they walked down to the end of the runway and followed the line back down the catwalk and off the stage. The music faded out and the lights flickered on, signaling that is the end of the show.


	16. Chapter 16

**Alec POV**

After the show finished, Simon had turned to me and thanked me continuously for 'saving his life' and apologized for the confusion. I had given him back the camera and was surprised at how difficult it was to do. He promised he would find a way to let me know how the pictures on my end turned out; but I knew he was mentally praying that they didn't turn out a complete mess that is expected of a first timer.

Simon is an alright guy, I got along with him well and I could see myself becoming friends with him.

Stop it, Alec. I'm not going to have any more days after today. I will be dead by the morning. There is no reason to be trying to make new friends.

Simon led me backstage where I found Magnus almost immediately with the biggest grin on his face. His smile grew larger, if that is possible, when I approached.

"Did you see me?" He asked excitedly and grabbed me for a hug. I froze immediately. I have never liked people touching me with the exception of Jace. I suppose it has to do with being raised in a place where being touched only happened when you're getting beaten. But this is Magnus and I know he wouldn't hurt me; I slowly relaxed in his arms and hugged him back.

"Yeah you were great." I said as we drew away. "I was in the audience." I considered telling him that Simon had taken me to help do his work but I didn't want to get the poor guy into trouble so I restrained myself. Although I wanted to share my own excitement about taking pictures, it's not worth some ones job and besides, this is Magnus' day, not mine.

"How'd you like the show? Was it good? Did everyone just love it?" Magnus gushed his questions, no excitement hidden in his voice.

"Yes everyone loved it." I said. "Your designs are the best I've seen all week." Which is completely true. That William guy is going to have a difficult time beating that. Magnus' style is much more of an out-of-the-box, glamorous style with lots of colors and different shapes and lines. Yet it somehow would fit into the outside world easily. It's definitely a Magnus type of clothing line. In comparison to all the other designers that had way too abnormal clothing to wear on the streets of New York as well as very repetitive and not original. I saw a lot of designs that resembled each other as if all the designers worked together to make their clothing. Magnus' was new, different and memorable which is the best for the kind of publicity he wants.

Magnus' eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I spoke. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course." I smiled honestly to him.

Magnus grinned widely and before I had the chance to react, he took my face between his hands and pressed our lips together.

I stood there awkwardly with my eyes open in pure shock. I noticed the people around not give us a second glance and went about doing their usual business. Magnus' lips were soft and gentle against mine despite the urgency in which he grabbed me. After I could process what is happening Magnus pulled away. Golden eyes locked with blue and we stood there, staring into each other's eyes and blocking out the rest of the world.

"Magnus Bane!" A voice shouted from a distance; forcing Magnus and I to be pulled from our trance to a woman standing with a microphone and a man behind her with a large camera resting on his shoulder.

Magnus sighed visibly. "Time for the interviews. Be back in a giff, darling." Magnus kissed me on the forehead and made his way over to the interviewer.

\--

After Magnus' show, we had a couple hours to kill before the after party. There was nothing I wanted more than to go home and sleep… forever.

But Magnus had other plans. He decided to head back to his office where all his employees are with his designs and have an 'after the show' kind of talk with them. Normally Magnus would tell me to head home until later but after the way I've been ditching him all week, he won't let me out of his sight.

I waited in his office next to the fire place while he talked to them. It didn't bother me to wait; Magnus had given me some hot chocolate and one thing I have been craving all day, silence.

It wasn't long before we were finally at the party. It is located at some really fancy hotel deep in Manhattan called Hotel Dumort. The entrance has a red carpet leading to the large, glass double doors with men stationed on either side to hold them open for the guests that entered. There's an awning above the carpet to keep away the snow that covered the surrounding sidewalk.

Magnus and I exited the car and made our way inside, everything is made of marble and gold. Marble floors and pillars, a grand water fountain in the center is made of the black and white stone and the sound of trickling water filled the air. The walls hold gold and white wallpaper with strange designs on them and the ceiling is painted of people in the sky with wings like something from an old church in Rome. The front desk is made of expensive looking brown wood and there's a small line of hotel guests checking in with their luggage next them. One lady has her tiny dog on a leash dressed in a little pink bow and jacket to match. The dog looked around the room curiously with a terrified and uncomfortable look. That has got to be animal cruelty. I thought, and suddenly realized, with a jolt, that the dog and I have things in common.

Magnus and I made our way to the elevators just pasted the hotel bar and lounge and pressed the button to go up. A second later, the third to last elevator doors opened and we stepped inside where we were met with an older man in the hotel uniform.

"Pent house, password is Pandemonium." Magnus said to the man. He nodded and slid a plastic card in a thin slot and pressed the button that was labeled PH.

We rode the elevator up in silence. It was quick and felt as if we weren't moving at all, but soon enough the doors opened and the sound of music was drumming loudly in my ears. I groaned inwardly.

I heard Magnus chuckle beside me and suddenly he took my hand in his. "Relax, darling. This will be fun." He said in my ear and guided me out of the elevator. At least I thought I groaned inwardly.

The pent house is large and looks as if it took up the entire top floor of the hotel. The first thing I see when I stepped off the elevator are the clumps of bodies dancing in what looks to be the living room; behind them, glass windows that stretched to the high ceiling like in Magnus' office. The couches are pushed off to the sides in every corner of the grand suite. The bar and kitchen broke off to the right where people stood drinking and talking; the DJ is set up in front of the fire place on the left. Bedrooms are on the immediate right and left when stepping off the elevator in large hallways that were occupied by kissing couples. I scoffed in annoyance, what am I doing here?

Magnus and I took the two steps down into the living room and stood only feet from the dancing crowd. He better not want to dance. I thought in terror.

"Magnus! Alec!" Someone called from the bar. Magnus and I both looked over to see Tessa walking over, drink in hand, wearing a blood red cocktail dress and tall, black heels.

"Tessa." Magnus greeted with a smile once she reached us. "You look hot; I bet Jem is just drooling." Magnus gushed to her and I have to admit, Tessa does look great. Her dark eyes are accented by dark make-up and her chocolate brown hair is straight for once, not like the curls she's been sporting all week, it frames her face nicely and gives her extra length that drops past her half exposed chest.

Tessa giggled at Magnus' response. "You think so? I actually haven't seen him yet, he said he's going to be a bit late. Will needed his help with something."

Magnus scowled at this. We are all aware that Jem and William are good friends but it's clear Magnus doesn't like it. Tessa is also friends with Will, it makes me wonder what Will actually did for Magnus to hate him so much. I can imagine the four of them were close at one point in time. That probably explains why whatever came between Will and Magnus, it didn't stop Tessa and Jem from remaining neutral. The situation either isn't bad or they've been friends for years. Like me and Jace, nothing could ever come between the two of us, not matter how bad.

But none of this is stopping me from not liking Will instantly. He's causing Magnus problems and I don't like it. It bothers me that I'm still in the dark about these 'problems' but if Magnus wants to tell me he will. After all, who am I to judge about keeping secrets?

"And when exactly should we expect the dynamic duo?" Magnus asked with a kind smile that is obviously forced and a hint of sarcasm laced in his tone.

Tessas red lips twitched, trying to repress a smile. "In about a half hour." She answered.

"Great." Magnus exclaimed with a sincere happiness. "Gives me a chance to get drunk first." With that, Magnus dragged me over to the bar and made me sit down on the only available stool. He stood behind me, arms on either side of my body trapping me to the bar top. His breath brushed my hair and tickled my ear. Magnus waited anxiously for the bartender to come over but he was making a drink for someone on the other side. Magnus groaned impatiently.

"Magnus just relax." I said turning my head to him. His face is only inches from mine now, his warm breath heating my cheek. If I turned just a little bit more, our lips would touch…

"I can't just relax." He said quietly with a defeated sigh. "You don't understand."

"Then help me understand." I pleaded with him, looking at him through my peripheral vision. He is gazing past me to the wall behind the bar that has alcohol stacked high on shelves.

"I need a drink first." He said and just on que, the bartender came over and took our orders. Magnus got something called a chocolate martini and I got a coke, earning some protests from Magnus.

"I'm underage." I stated bluntly.

"No one cares here." He said. "Just order-"

"I care." I argued.

"Alright fine, Mr. Playbytherules." Magnus teased, picking up his martini glass and taking a sip. "God this is amazing."

"So is this." I said as I took another sip of my drink.

Magnus chuckled. "You're drinking soda, darling."

"And it's the best damn soda I've ever tasted." I said proudly with a smirk earning an amused grin from Magnus.

"Just do me this one favor, try this." He said and held his drink to me. I sighed, if it keeps that ridiculous grin on his face and sparkle in his eyes I guess there's no harm in trying it.

I took a sip; my tongue swam in chocolate and something bitter and burning. That's probably the alcohol, I've never had it before but I heard enough to know that it would taste like this.

"Well?" Magnus asked once I swallowed. I felt my nose scrunch up.

"I don't like it." I stated and took a sip of coke to wash away the burning in my throat.

Magnus scowled to try and hide the small smirk growing on his lips. "No taste." He grumbled and sipped more at his drink.

"Explain now." I said, changing the subject. Magnus sighed and stepped closer to me, if that is even possible we are already bumping shoulders. He is standing wedged between myself and some guy on my left who is too busy in his conversation to care. Magnus rested his arms on the counter and leaned towards me and I felt myself lean in as well, creating our own personal room with just our shoulders and faces.

"William Herondale and I use to be close." Magnus began in a hushed voice only I could hear and spoke slowly. "Very close, in fact, we both practically grew up together. He almost always stayed at my place or I his. We did everything together, even if the other hated what it was." Magnus smiled sadly at the thought. "We fought and confided in each other. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him; he was like-" Magnus stopped abruptly, in thought, twirling his martini glass on the counter, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Like a brother." I finished for him.

"Yeah, like a brother." Magnus side glanced me, with a small, grateful smile. "Anyway, we were fourteen when we decided we wanted to be fashion designers. And it was when we turned eighteen that we stopped talking. I was starting to become known and Will, well, wasn't. One day I went to him with some of my pieces asking for ways to improve them, I gave him the sketches to take home and look them over for me. By the next day, I hadn't heard from Will. The next day and the next, still nothing. I went to his house, no one was home. Called him, no one answered. Talked to Tessa and Jem, but they haven't heard from him. It was like he dropped off the face of the earth.

"It had been two weeks before I finally heard from him again, and when I did, I wish I hadn't. I found out Will did, in fact, improve my designs, but he went and published them as his own. That's how he became big. My designs that were suppose to make my career, he took from me. I didn't have copies of the designs and hadn't shown them to anyone else, so no one would believe me when I said he stole them.

Needless to say, I didn't need those designs to become big and neither did Will. But he betrayed me and my trust. Fifteen years of friendship and loyalty and he pulls a stunt like that." Magnus shook his head and downed the rest of his drink. "The first time I spoke to him, after he stole my pieces, he told me that he was not about to sit around on his ass while I became big. He said I didn't deserve it the way he did." Magnus scoffed. "All of it was out of jealousy and it makes me sick."

I watched Magnus as he spoke and could hear the true disappointment in his voice. He expected more from his best friend and ended up stabbed in the back for being, I guess, better. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose someone like that; someone like Jace. I wouldn't know how to live without him by my side and the thought of ever losing him over something so irreversible is scary, forget about the little things. This is something that is unforgiveable and I understand why Magnus would be so upset over it. This is more than some business rivalry; this is personal.

"I'm sorry, Magnus." I said smoothly. What else could one say to that?

"Yeah." He responded so quietly I thought I had imagined it.

"I mean it." I stated. "I can't imagine what that is like and I don't want to. Will is an arrogant asshole who is just trying to prove to himself that he can be better than you. This is about his own insecurities and I feel sorry for him."

Magnus' head snapped up in my direction, his face wearing the biggest frown I have ever seen. We were still smashed together at the bar and our noses are close to touching. "You what?"

"He dedicated his life to trying to be like you or be better than you." I started, trying to be careful with my wording so Magnus doesn't take this the wrong way. "He is destroying himself to live up to your lifestyle, one he could've been a part of but chose to compete with. He lost himself, and more importantly, he lost you. And for that, Magnus Bane, I pity him."

Magnus stared at me long and hard and I didn't break his hold. His golden eyes stayed focused on my blue ones, searching, or maybe analyzing, to see if I'm telling the truth. After a long moment, something like realization crept over his features as if he had never considered what I had said to him and now he is seeing it in a new light.

"I never thought of it that way before." Magnus said, echoing my thoughts. "Not that it changes anything, but it gives me some sort of insight as to why."

Absentmindedly I nodded once and broke our gaze to finish off the last of my drink. "You finished?" Magnus asked me suddenly and I nodded again, swallowing the last of my coke. He took my hand and led me towards the groups on the dance floor moving their bodies in an entanglement of limbs and swaying hips.

"Magnus, w-what are you doing?" I asked nervously. No, I can't dance and there is no way he could want me to.

"What's it look like?" Magnus responded with a mischievous smirk, once we reached the edge of the floor.

I stopped walking and steadied myself before I could be dragged any further. Magnus stopped and looked at me with a frown. "I can't dance." I said bluntly.

"Then I'll teach you." He said, kindly. I bit my lip anxiously and looked out at the mass of bodies moving to the beat of the pulsating music. I looked back at Magnus who only gave a soft smile before I finally gave in and nodded.

Magnus guided me to the center of the dance floor, I tried to avoid touching or bumping into the people we pushed past but it was impossible. I grazed arms with some sweaty looking guy grinding his hips into a girl in a way that should be kept in the bedroom, and I nearly walked through another couple doing just about the same thing. When we reached the middle, I realized almost everyone is grinding on each other. I swallowed thickly.

"We need to get a little closer." Magnus said and pulled me to him so our bodies are brushing just barely. Around us it looked as if all the people had moved in more, as if to seal Magnus and I within the crowd and not allow us to move our bodies apart from each other. One small step back and I'll be pushing into a couple that I am about 80 percent sure are having sex. What am I doing here?

"Relax." Magnus chuckled into my ear. "Just move to the music." Magnus started moving his body in time with the beat. He kept his hands at his sides, probably to keep me from feeling uncomfortable, although I could still feel his body as he moved.

I looked around me and not a single person is standing stationary and uncomfortable as I am. Not a single eye is on me yet I felt as though I stood out. I bit my lip and slowly started to move to the music, mimicking body movements from the people around me and Magnus in front of me. I don't want to imagine the train wreck I would be if I didn't have examples to go by.

Not even a song later, I started to move more comfortably and confidently, and felt the music drum through me like it's my own heartbeat; making me move and feel like it's the most natural thing I have ever done.

I heard Magnus gasp softly in my ear and it was then that I noticed I took him by the waist and pulled him flush against me and started grinding into him like the other couples are doing. I felt my eyes grow wide and the blood rush to my cheeks as I realized what I had done. I started to move away but Magnus grabbed hold of me, keeping me where I am.

"It's alright," he chuckled yet again. "you just surprised me." Magnus held onto my hips and started to rotate his into mine. Just as quickly as I had stopped, I found myself doing the same and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close; close enough to be sharing the same warm air.

We spent the next few songs doing exactly that, grinding to the beat, until Magnus turned me around and put his hands on my hips with my back to him; now dancing like the majority of the couples on the floor. I can't believe how easy it is; dancing in such a way, and how suddenly comfortable I felt to be doing so with Magnus. Although we probably look far too intimate to the outsiders, we blend in, and it's actually kind of… fun.

Then I saw it. Well, more like them. Easily I could tell it was Tessa, she's not exactly someone you could miss tonight. She's standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a frown clear on her forehead, facing a man who has his back to me. From the way his slim shoulders are set, he doesn't look very happy with her.

Tessa started shaking her head with what looked to be disappointment and turned away, but not before the man grabbed her arm and pulled her back forcibly. Tessa tried to move away but he only tightened his grip and pulled her closer.

The instant that the man put a single touch on Tessa, was enough for me to run straight to them, my eyes not averting from the duo even as I had to push and shove to get out of the crowd. My heart started racing, who the hell does this guy think he is to even put his hands Tessa, or anyone for that matter?

It felt like I couldn't reach them fast enough but as soon as I did I immediately yanked the man away from Tessa by his shoulder, making him fall into the wall beside him with a loud thump. It was then that I realized how tight of a grip he had on her; if it weren't for the element of surprise I wouldn't have been able to do it. For someone so slender, the man is strong.

"Are you okay?" I asked Tessa, ignoring the asshole behind me. Tessas bold, brown eyes are wide with shock and fear. She rubbed absently at the handprint bruise forming on her forearm. She nodded quickly, not taking her eyes off of the man behind me.

I turned around and faced the guy leaning against the wall, who is wearing a smug grin. Now that I'm up close I can see him much more clearly. His hair is shocking black, a lot like mine and his eyes are what threw me even more. They're a cobalt blue, just like mine. His skin is pale, his jaw square and sharp, he's about average height and lean- all just like me.

If I weren't so pumped on adrenaline, I would be more shocked and concerned about our uncanny resemblance. But as Jace had taught me many years ago, when you're facing a potential enemy, never give him the benefit of vulnerability. (AKA, don't show any kind of emotion, even if it's something as plain as shock. Anything can and will be used against you in a fight).

I could've easily been tricked into thinking I was looking into a mirror but there is something definitely different about my newly found doppelganger, every part of his features are icy cold. His angular face is sharp and ominous, his skin is so ghostly white it looks like the guy is dead, his hair is blacker than the moonless night sky, he wore his posture with arrogance and confidence that screamed 'I dare you to try anything'.

And the most eerie part of it all is his eyes. I have never thought about what my eyes looked like to other people, but I know they couldn't possibly look like that. His eyes are so cold, and hard, and determined in the worse possible way. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul, and looking into his eyes, I'd say he doesn't have a soul. Past the blue orbs and into his eyes are deep, black pits; black enough to feel like I am staring down into the abyss of Tartarus.

"What the hell are you smirking at?" I asked bitterly.

The man pushed himself from the wall with his shoulders and took a couple steps closer, keeping only an arms length between us. His cold eyes didn't leave mine; I resisted the urge to shiver. "You." He answered in a strangely smooth, singsong voice. The smile didn't leave his face. "You're Alec. Banes little pet for the week."

I felt my eyes narrow. "I'm nobodies pet." I stated. I really don't like this guy.

"Well, that's all you are to Magnus, you know." He said so simply like it is a well known fact.

"Oh shut up, William." Tessa demanded behind me. I hadn't realized she was still there. "Don't listen to him, Alec." She said so only I could hear her.

It suddenly dawned on me. "Oh so you're the famous William Herondale everyone has been talking about?" I said more as a statement than a question. I didn't bother hide the condescending tone in my voice.

Will squared his shoulders proudly. "Why yes, yes I am. And yes, everything you hear about me is true." He grinned arrogantly. I wanted nothing more than to slap it right off his stupid, cold face.

But all I could do was smile just as arrogantly back. "It's true? Wow, I have to say that I'm not surprised. Someone as falsely confident as you are with your dyed hair and bleached teeth would, in fact, have the smallest dick in all of Manhattan."

It was that moment that I noticed the crowd forming around us by the 'ohhhs' and giggles that filled the space closing the two of us in. Wills face fell back into its marble statue state and his posture went into one of defense.

"Watch it kid, you don't know who you're messing with." Will glared at me.

"Oh I know exactly who I'm messing with." I took a step closer, my eyes like daggers piercing into his. I hate this guy and everything he is about. I hate that he dared put his hands on sweet Tessa and hurt my Magnus. And I absolutely hate that he thinks he is better than everyone else and can walk all over them because of it.

And these are the reasons why my anger is bubbling higher than my anxiety of the attention Will and I are forming. I hate making scenes, but at this point I'll make an exception.

"All you are is some guy who couldn't get it up enough to launch your business without stealing someone else's work." Soft murmurs filled the air. Will glanced around at the crowd nervously. His icy eyes landed back on me and any hint of nervous glances disappeared like they were never there to begin with.

Before I know what is happening, I was pushed backwards hard enough to fall but I caught my footing and glared at Will who was removing his leather jacket. "You think you're so tough? Prove it. You can talk all you want, how about you show me and all these lovely people that that's all you are. Bark and no bite."

I stared at Will, his face of completely severity and his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides, waiting for me to make the next move. The crowd around us has grown, mainly women and some men, no one bothering to come and break up this little stand-off for reasons I can't fathom; since when do they encourage fights at parties?

Tessa still stood behind me but now lined herself up with the crowd and is holding hands with a guy with silver hair and startling gray eyes. I glanced around for Magnus but he is nowhere in sight.

I looked back at Will, I must've really struck a nerve with him by saying what I did in front of everyone, and now he is trying to redeem himself to once again be the face of perfection for his business. I rolled my eyes. "Fine have it your way." I said and shrugged off my jacket, handing it to Tessa who looked at me with worried eyes. Her lips formed words that I read clearly, _be careful_.

But my mind only processed the mental words I could hear clear as a bell, _kick his ass_. Jaces voice sang in my head.

Will and I danced around each other a few times before he finally made a move to hit me that I easily dodged, making Will go off balance. He came at me again, this time with a right hook and I ducked down and punched him hard in the stomach, successfully receiving a groan from Will. I came up from my crouched position and thrust my right hand upwards, connecting my hand with his nose making him stumble back clutching the center of his face.

I stood stationary as Will tried to pull himself together; the crowd around us started cheering me on, some trying to cheer on Will.

Once Will examined his blood filled hand, he looked back at me with pure rage. I only grinned at him. I remember the last time I was in a fight like this, it was when Jace and I were thirteen, and it was my first fight since I learned how to defend myself. Jace stood behind me as my back up, his words kick his ass kept ringing in my ears. I was grinning confidently at the much larger and older man that kept picking on some girl that was clearly uninterested. Long story short, we ended up in the back of an alley and the man was on the ground within seconds.

Now all I can see is the same man before me, picking on some girl that wants to be left alone. "I think you got something on your nose." I stated innocently and earned another glare from Will.

Then he came at me and unfortunately for him, I was much faster. Each punch he swung and each kick he aimed swiftly missed their target entirely. I let out an amused snort. "Too slow." I taunted.

But then I was the one who became too slow. "Alec!" I heard a familiar voice call from behind me. I turned around and saw Magnus standing beside the silver haired man and Tessa. His eyes full of shock and concern, I swallowed thickly as I came to my senses. What the hell am I doing? This isn't me.

Then I was punched square in the face, not noticing that Will had walked around me and used my distraction to his advantage. I stumbled backwards again, holding my throbbing jaw, that's going to leave a bruise. I thought angrily.

I was about to punch back, anger bubbling inside of me, but was cut off by arms wrapping around my body, and pulling me away from Will. I watched as Will was being held back by some large, bald man that looked like a security guard.

"Let me go!" He was exclaiming and kept wiggling in the man's embrace. I only stared at Will with a death glare, not even aware of the person holding me back suddenly releasing me upon a familiar voices request.

"Alec." The familiar voice said next to me. Will started kicking up and down with all of his weight, the big guy not even faltering. "Alec." The voice said again. The crowd started to part a pathway as Will was being dragged from the circle of people- that now began to slowly dismantle entirely. "Alexander!" I jumped suddenly, coming to attention and pulling my gaze away from Will and into gold/green eyes. _Oh no_.

"Alec," Magnus breathed out a sigh of relief. "Are you alright?" He asked and placed a hand where I was punched by Will.

I blinked. "Huh?"

Magnus' eyes widened in worry. "Oh god he must've hit you harder than it looked. Come with me." Magnus blindly grabbed my hand and led me to the bar.

I didn't take my eyes off the bar as we walked. With each step I took I could feel the eyes of the fellow partiers on me, and the pointing of fingers as they whispered to their friends that had missed all the action.

Then there is Magnus. He has to be mad at me. He avoids bad press and now his 'boyfriend' is getting into fights at the after parties. But nothing about him seems mad, which surprises me. Surely I deserve some kind of lecture from him or at the very least some kind of disapproving gaze. All he is giving me is concern and kindness, and I know I don't deserve it.

Magnus sat me down next to him on a bar stool and asked the bartender for some ice. What seemed like a second later, he was back with the ice in a large glass. Magnus turned to me, with the glass in hand, and gently pressed it to my left jaw. The coolness of the glass stings my skin, and I felt the urge to pull away, but the muscles beneath began to relax at the sensation so I stayed in place.

"Did you see all that?" I asked cautiously, keeping my eyes on the countertop.

"Only Williams blow to you. When I saw you run for Tessa and push away Will I knew it wasn't going to end well. I went downstairs and got the security guards to come and break it up. People around here know better than to try and break up the fight themselves." Magnus paused; I still didn't look at him. "I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking." Magnus' voice dropped to a more gentle tone. "Will is an ass who feels the need to fight anyone he feels threatened by. If the tables were turned, and I had seen Will grab Tessa, I would've made the same call." When I didn't say anything, Magnus added, "Although I probably wouldn't have been able to fight like you did. You broke his nose." Magnus started to chuckle at this and finally I found my voice.

"How can you laugh at that?" I looked up and watched Magnus' eyes fall from amused to confusion. "Douche or not, I don't like fighting people. I don't like the attention it brings and I most definitely don't like the bad publicity you will get in return for all of this."

Why is Magnus treating this like such a joke? This is serious, I just broke a mans nose, and now that I think of it, probably cracked a few ribs too. All for what? To get back at him for putting his hands on Tessa? To defend Magnus? How worth it is any of this when Magnus' name will be tarnished because of me?

Magnus laughed light-heartedly, put down the glass, and took my hands in his. "Darling, I won't get bad press because of this. Everyone knows Will had it coming; none of this will turn around on me. That I can guarantee you."

"I still fought him and I shouldn't have." I whispered. "That wasn't me Magnus, I want you to know that."

Magnus lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. "I know, darling, I kn-" Magnus cut himself off, a frown forming between his brows, his gaze on my arms. Before I could react, Magnus took both my wrists and flipped them over in his hands, staring at my forearms.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say my heart stopped beating. I couldn't move, or breathe. I only stared at Magnus' head as he stared down at my arms. _This is why you didn't take your jacket off earlier you idiot. This is why you always wear jackets. And where is that jacket now? With Tessa, wherever she is. You let some guy get the better of you and let you forget the reason you needed to keep it on. Your anger always makes you forget. Always. And now look where it got you_.

"I have to go." I choked out and forcibly removed my arms from Magnus' hands. I can't look at him; I can't take the pity that will fill his amber eyes. Or the disgust. Maybe even anger. He forgave me for the fight, but there is no way he could forgive me for these scars.

I got up and ran from the bar, ran past the elevators, down the hallway and to the door labeled stairs. I need to get out of here as quickly as possible and standing waiting for an elevator does not seem quick enough.

I took the stairs two at a time as I ran down them. I ruined everything with Magnus. What if he didn't actually forgive me for the fight? What if he despises me and now he is disgusted? The scars are repulsive. Some white from long ago, others pink and raised from recent cuts. All of them covering my arms to the point where there is no forearm left to see. Only marks.

I lost him. I know I did. Tonight was supposed to be fun and I ruined everything like I always do. Magnus will never want to see me again after that; I can't believe I was so careless. No one knows about these scars except for Jace and the select people at the orphanage who tried to help me. No one understands except for Jace, no one will ever understand except for Jace.

It felt like an eternity before I finally reached the first floor and ran out the door, into the lobby, and outside into the cold, snowy night. I didn't stop running.


	17. Chapter 17

**Magnus POV**

It took me some very long seconds for me to process what had just occurred. Alec, my lovely, sweet Alec, is a victim of self-harm. How could I have missed this? All the signs were there. Never once have I seen Alecs arms and the time I briefly caught sight of them in the coffee shop, his wrist was bandaged and he said he accidentally cut it- that was so clearly a lie, I knew it then and now I know it for sure. I should've known then what the bandages were. I should've known.

_Wait. Where did Alec go? No, why is he running? Alec_! I got up from my chair and started after him but was stopped by a person in front of me, one hand on my chest holding me in place. I stared off in the direction Alec went. _Please don't run_.

"Well looks like you put on quite a show tonight." The female voice said in front of me, I know that voice but all I kept hearing was _Alec_. "Your boy really gave William a run for his money." When I didn't say anything, she went on, "William may have been a shitty fighter but you're a shitty person."

I blinked and frowned. _What_? In front of me stood Camille, her blonde hair is in large loops falling down her back and framing her face, her lips are blood red and she's wearing a tight, black dress. She stood now with her hands on her hips, staring at me expectantly. Her dark eyebrows rose.

_Camille_ , in all honesty, I've been wondering where she has been. I've so rarely seen her all day. I had her attend Herondales fashion show for me (because it probably wouldn't be a good idea if I went myself) and she was supposed to call me afterwards. But she didn't. "Camille. Where have you been? How did everyone like my show? _Especially_ in comparison to Herondales." I spoke the last part bitterly and paused, suddenly remembering what she said earlier. "What did you say to me?" My eyebrows drew together.

"Critics liked your show but they liked Williams as well. They said it's a close one, but we will see in the next week whose line is the top for this season." She said smoothly.

I guffawed at that. "You're kidding me. Close? What do you mean _close_?"

"I mean you and William are fighting for number one. His show was filled and completely successful, like yours," She paused and examined her nails casually. "but honestly, he has a better line this year."

"Oh don't you mean every year, sweetheart?" Came a voice behind her. Will stood next to Camille, and snaked an arm around her waist and grinned.

Camille sighed. "I was getting there, darling." She flipped her hair and kissed Will, on the lips…

As in the mouth…

Lips on lips…

Full blown _kissing._

_What the fuck_?

"Anyway back to what I was saying," She continued quickly before I could properly voice my reaction. "You may have taken number one on paper but everyone knows William is the best fashion designer in the country. He is definitely going to take it this year." She smiled confidently with an evil glint in her green eyes. She stated this as if it's an absolute fact and everyone knows it because it's blatantly obvious. Obvious to everyone but me.

I could feel the rage of anger start coursing through me. I have been _betrayed_ by my most reliable and trusted employee. Camille is- was- my _assistant_. She handled everything and knew almost everything about me. She had access to all of my work and documents and handled my meetings and was the one to help me with the tough arrangements. Camille was my planner. She took care of it all. She was my most trusted and valuable asset in the Bane industry.

I can't believe it. Camille. The sweet and innocent, yet very intelligent and organized woman I have ever had working for me, just turned on me. She is with William Herondale. My number one enemy. And she's not just _with him_ \- she's with him _with him_. I think I'm going to be sick.

"What the-" I started in a breathless voice, still trying to grasp what is in front of me.

"What is it not obvious enough? Camille works for me now." Will said and smirked at me proudly. I could see the bruise forming on his cheek and jaw as well as his nose that is still severely swollen. How the hell did he even get back inside? I had made sure the guard would keep him out for the rest of the night.

"How long?" I asked, trying not to sound as caught-off-guard as I felt. That's a weakness they could use to their advantage. But the three of us knew already that I didn't see this coming.

"A while." Will stated, sounding almost bored.

_A while_ he says to me. _A while_!? I shook my head as something suddenly dawned on me. "It wasn't Ragnor that slipped my designs to the press. It was _you_." I glared at Camille and she grinned.

"Congratulations on figuring it out." She sang happily.

"You bitch." I growled at her.

Camille laughed a full belly laugh. "Sticks and stones, Sparkles. Now if you don't mind, Will and I will be on our way." She and Will turned around and started for the elevators, before she took her third step away from me, she stopped and turned around. "Oh and if it wasn't already obvious, I quit." She giggled to herself, William joining in on the activity. I glared bullets into their heads until they entered the elevator and it closed behind them.

This can't be happening. How could I have been such a fool? My heart beat accelerated in my chest. Camille has seen the sketches for future collections. Hell, she has them in her computer at the office. She has _everything_ in her computer at the office. I gulped. I need to get there and clear out her hard-drive, if she hasn't copied everything already.

I started to make my way for the exit when I was stopped, yet again. "Magnus. Where did Alec go? He left his jacket." Tessa held up Alecs leather jacket looking exhausted. Jem stood beside her looking just about the same way, though they're probably exhausted for different reasons. "I looked everywhere for you and him but couldn't find either of you until now. Is Alec alright?" Tessas stare became concerned as I started to run a hand down my face. _Alec. Oh my poor poor Alec_.

"Tessa," I started in exasperation. "it's not good Tessa." I whispered.

"What's not good?" Tessa visibly froze in place, her voice dangerously anxious.

"Everything." I stared at her with pleading eyes to not ask what is going on. Luckily she didn't and I took the jacket from her. "I have to go."

Without another word, I swerved around she and Jem and left without another obstacle.

**Alec POV**

I didn't stop running until I was finally back in my apartment. Immediately I ran for the sink and hunched over it, trying to catch my breath from either running, panicking or both. After five minutes, I realized it is panic.

I completely screwed myself. Magnus is going to hate me. He's seen what I have done to myself and he is going to hate me. I don't want him to hate me, I don't. I can't. But he does and now I feel so much more vulnerable than I have ever before.

Magnus said he doesn't hate me for the fight, but what if he was lying? And what if now he just thinks I'm some pathetic kid seeking attention? That's what most people think nowadays. Why should Magnus be any different?

"Alec?" Came a voice from behind that I immediately recognized. I didn't even hear him come in.

"Jace," I started in a ragged breath without turning around. "I fucked up. I lost him. I lost him." The last sentence came out in a whimper as it hit me that I really did lose Magnus. He will never want to see me again, after the fight, after the scars. He and I are done.

"Alec," Jace spoke gently and placed a hand on my shoulder. "what happened?"

I felt my shoulders rise and fall much more harsher than before as I tried to sort out the events of the night to explain to Jace. "Hey. Hey. Hey." Jace cooed. "Alec just breathe. Remember what we talked about? In through your nose out through your mouth." Jace rubbed circles into my back and he breathed with me.

Once I managed to calm down, Jace and I sat side-by-side on the bed as I explained what had happened in full detail. He listened intently and didn't interrupt me except for some snickering from when I knocked William Herondale on his ass. When I was finished, Jace took my hand in his.

"Alec, Magnus is not going to hate you for this." He said in his soft voice that he only uses when comforting me.

"How do you know?" I asked hesitantly.

"I just do." He said simply.

I took a deep breath and we were both silent as I waited for Jace to say what he is so clearly thinking. "Well?"

"Well what?" He asked letting go of my hand.

"Aren't you going to say it?"

"Say what?"

"I told you so?"

Now it was Jaces turn to sigh. "No Alec I'm not going to tell you that."

"But you're thinking it. You were right. This whole fashion week was too much; I should've listened to you. I just-" I cut myself off, you just what?

"You just wanted a distraction." Jace filled in for me, making it more of a statement than questioning it. The way Jace made it sound made me flinch. It's not like I was trying to use Magnus, I truly like him, a lot. And he has done so much for me that it didn't feel right turning him down. But Jace is right, I did need something to help distract me from my everyday shitty life. And looking back it worked, but in some aspects it didn't. If I had to go back and do it all over again though, I'd do it. Not just for Magnus or myself, but for him and I together.

"Does he make you happy, Alec?" Jace asked suddenly, his question catching me off-guard and making me frown.

"Wha-"

"Just answer the question." Jace pleaded.

I thought a moment. I already know the answer to this; the word rang in my head the second Jace finished speaking. I nodded to him in response.

"Then don't let your personal problems get in your way. If he makes you happy then be with him. Please understand this though, I'm saying be with him because you're happier with him, not be with him because he is the reason for your happiness."

I had to think about this for a moment. "You're saying not to depend on him for my happiness." I said more as a statement than a question.

"Yes. Nothing good ever comes out of someone relying on another person to make them feel better. Trust me."

"I trust you." I said to him. "What would I do without you?" I sighed, not realizing I said it out loud. I looked nervously over at Jace who just laughed and ruffled my gelled hair. I swatted at jaces hand mumbling a stop but Jace kept coming at my head with his hand. "Jace." I tried to sound angry but it came out as a chuckle.

"Oh sorry does this bother you?" Jace asked, grinning. He continued to ruffle up my hair as I kept swatting away his hands. We were both laughing until a knock on the door echoed throughout the room. Jace and I exchanged looks before he got up and answered the door. I noticed Jaces shoulders tense, his body and the door blocking my view from seeing who it was. Jace turned his head towards me. "It's Magnus."


	18. Chapter 18

**Alec POV**

The wave of calm Jace had just washed over me came crashing to shore as I stared at Jace, his words ringing in my ears as if on a loop. _It's Magnus. It's Magnus. It's Magnus_.

Why is he here? Maybe to tell me were through and let me know how much of a loser I am. Who was I to think that someone like Magnus could ever want someone as pathetic as me? I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I don't even understand how Jace has stuck with me for so long. I'm so lucky to have him, but what does he get out of it? Jace doesn't get anything out of this except for the burden of talking me down from panic attacks and help pull me far enough out of my darkened mind to convince me life is worth living.

Jace looked at me expectantly, his golden eyes telling me he can easily take care of this for me. He can send Magnus away, he can kick his ass, or even pass along a message. Anything I wanted Jace could handle for me. _You know Jace, Alec. He would sacrifice anything for someone he loves. You may feel like you're unwanted, but you know Jace loves you. That's what he gets out of this relationship, someone to care for and someone to care for him back_.

I stood up and went to the door, Jace moved away and mumbled low enough for only my ears. "I'll be right here." He said and I nodded once and stared at my feet as I walked out into the hallway with Magnus. I shut the door behind me.

"What is it?" I asked him, staring at both sets of feet. Mine barefoot; Magnus' polished-black shoes are wet with melting snow from walking outside. He looks like he is only a few steps away and he looks to be shifting his weight uncomfortably from side-to-side.

"Alec, I'm sorry." Magnus breathed out defeated after a long silence.

I felt my head snap up to meet his sad gold/green eyes. "Sorry? For what? I don't need you to tell me you're sorry for dumping me or pitying me." _Where the hell did this burst of anger come from_?

Magnus frowned and a look of alertness crossed his features. "Alec, I'm not dumping you and I most certainly don't pity you-"

"Yes you do. I know the look." I interrupted him bitterly. That's just the best part isn't it? When people say they don't pity you but you can so clearly tell that they do.

Magnus took a step forward, I would've stepped back but I didn't want to seem like I was cowering away. I held my ground and suddenly realized I was holding my arms behind my back as if I could hide what he already knows. "I. Do. Not. Pity. You." Magnus enunciated each word. "I wanted to tell you I get it."

I studied Magnus' face long and hard. His features held determination and his eyes were pleading for me to understand. I bit my lip, and then pressed them into a hard line. "Why?"

Magnus frowned. "Why?" He questioned.

"Why wouldn't you pity me? Everyone else does." I stated.

Magnus sighed and ran a slender hand across his face, miraculously leaving his eyeliner un-smudged. He looked suddenly very tired. "Alexander." He exasperated and looked down in deep contemplation. "I don't pity you because I understand what it's like to feel so bad that you want out."

I stared at him. "You- what?" I asked in shock.

Magnus met my gaze; his eyes seemingly far away. "My parents died when I was eighteen; it was a dark time for me. The short of it, I became lonely and wanted to die. No one knew how I actually felt, because I was already receiving the pitying stares of people that knew my parents and me. I faked that I was fine until they stopped with the looks, but even then I didn't stop faking how I felt. I faked until I realized it was no longer fake."

I was silent as I wondered if I should ask. "Did you ever attempt it?" I mumbled out, before I could lose the confidence to do so.

"No." He answered, instantly knowing what I meant. "I couldn't find the courage. I use to think I was a coward for it, but really I knew that my parents wouldn't have wanted it for me. So I kept going." Magnus shrugged it off. His eyes finding their way back to their present time. He gave me a soft smile. "So yes, I understand what it's like to feel that way."

"How'd you move past it?" I couldn't help the question. My anger had slowly subsided as Magnus explained himself and now I suddenly found myself looking up to the guy. If he was able to move past it then so could I.

"Time, and finding something worth living for."

"Fashion." I said without needing to question it.

Magnus chuckled. "Yeah and from then on everything became a bit easier, it was a slow and painful process but eventually I found more than just fashion."

I smiled. "I'm happy for you."

Magnus smiled and reached his hand up and brushed his thumb across my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. His hand is nice and cool against my skin.

I felt, rather than heard, Magnus step closer to me, his body heat radiated onto me and he pressed his forehead against mine. "I'm not going to ask," He started in a whisper, his breath floating over my skin. "I want you to tell me when you feel comfortable with it." His thumb continued a trail down to my jaw, where my bruise is forming.

_He wants me to tell him why I do what I do to myself_. I swallowed thickly and nodded, even though I'm a nervous wreck about it. He may be alright with it now, but what happens after he learns about me and my life? _Stop it Alec. Everything is okay now. Don't ruin it_.

I felt soft lips being pressed against mine and all worries went away. The only thing that matters is Magnus, here and now. He accepted me; he isn't going to leave me for this. The relief came over me like a tidal wave and I kissed him back, just as tenderly as he is. I put all my thanks into the kiss, hopefully relaying that I'm so thankful he is here and that he won't abandon me because of my problems.

Magnus slowly pulled away, our lips lingering in front of the others, tempted for another kiss but Magnus pulled back slowly and held something out in front of me. I looked down to find my jacket in his hand. "Tessa had it, thought you might want it back."

I smiled. "Thanks." I said and took it, wrist upturned as I did. Panic flooded me; I quickly draped the jacket over both my arms to hide the scars. A small blush crept over my cheeks, and I had to steady my sudden rapid breathing.

"You don't have to hide them from me." Magnus spoke just above a whisper, sounding almost disappointed.

"Habit." I mumbled, still looking down.

"We'll work on it." Magnus said and took both my hands beneath the jacket and held them, running his thumbs over my bruising knuckles.

I couldn't help the smile on my face. He wants to work on it with me. Everything with Magnus is okay, better than okay. We're still together and he understands me. He gets it; I've never had someone who actually understood it before. Not even Jace fully understood how I was feeling- but Magnus does.

"Thank you." I said to him without thinking.

"For what?" He frowned.

"Not leaving me." I whispered, staring down at our locked hands that are hidden beneath the jacket. Magnus gave them a tight squeeze.

"Darling it's going to take a lot more than that to scare me away." He said seriously yet playfully. I let out a giggle.

"Okay." I said.

"Oh um-" Came a soft voice from behind Magnus. "Sorry, I'll just wait outside." Clary pointed over her shoulder and quickly turned around with a small blush creeping up her cheeks.

"It's alright, Clary." I said, stopping her. "Jace is inside." Clary smiled awkwardly, Magnus and I moved out of the way of the door to let her in.

"Thanks." She said and turned the handle. She only just cracked the door open when an omf echoed in the apartment and hallway. Clary gasped, I rolled my eyes, and Magnus chuckled.

"Anyone ever tell you it's impolite to eavesdrop, Goldilocks?" Magnus said, his voice stuck somewhere between annoyed and amused.

"Eavesdrop?" Jace poked his head around the door. "Now that doesn't sound like me at all." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and his face reflecting mock hurt.

"No not at all." Clary said before Magnus or I could respond. She hopped onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek in greeting. Jace smirked, his face growing soft. "Hey I have an idea." Clary suddenly burst out, turning around to face us. "Let's all go out for a drink." Her green eyes lit up brightly.

Jace and I locked eyes, silently coming to an agreement. Before either one of us could say anything, it was Magnus who spoke up. "Actually I have something at the office that I need to take care of." Magnus' shoulders tensed at the mention of going to work and his face looked abnormally tired. Not from exhaustion, it's something else. Something must've happened when I left Magnus, and he didn't tell me about it.

"I'll come with you." I said, not really giving him the option to turn me down. I'm not ready to leave him for the night, and I'm really interested in what is going on that has Magnus seemingly on edge.

"Alright." He agreed without argument. I slipped inside the door and pulled on my shoes and slipped on my jacket. We left Jace and Clary, mumbling a chorus of goodbye, goodnight and see you laters'.

\--

Magnus was silent the ride over and even more silent entering his building and taking the elevator up. The only sounds are the hum of the elevator and the annoying _ding_ of each floor we ride past. There are two kinds of silence in this world, the one that is comfortable and the one that is not. This happens to be the very uncomfortable silence that I have never experienced with Magnus before. I didn't realize I was clenching my teeth until we exited the elevator.

I was surprised to find some of Magnus' employees here. It would make sense right after the show, to take care of all his clothing that was modeled, but it is late in the night and here are his designers sitting at their desk dealing with whatever it is they deal with. I even noticed a couple models, some still dolled up like a Barbie but in either casual clothing or robes like they had just changed.

Magnus had ignored his employees like its normal for them to be here at this hour, and walked straight for his office, some of them sending curious glances over to us, like it's not normal for us to be here. They probably expected him to still be at the after party.

Magnus unlocked his office and flipped on one of the two light switches. The room ignited with enough light to see but not be overpowering.

He went to his desk and sat down, powering up his computer. The screen lit up, casting light on Magnus' face and he squint his eyes. The sight made Magnus look older and much more tired. The shadows danced off the now visible bags beneath his eyes and sharpened the angle of his high cheekbones. His brows are furrowed and the lines on his forehead grew more defined as well as the lines beside his lips from when he smiled.

Awkwardly, I walked over to his desk and sat in a plush chair across from him. Magnus seemed un-phased. _Maybe he doesn't want you here, Alec. You basically invited yourself along and besides this is work, it's not like he would be paying attention to you anyway. So why exactly did you say you'd come along?_

_I didn't want to say goodbye yet._

_Seems like_ he _did_.

I bit my lip, contemplating what to say to him. Perhaps I should just leave, he is clearly busy. But, what has him so busy at this time of night? I want to ask, the first word is on the tip of my tongue. If I could just shape the words on my lips and find the sound to push up my throat…

"No." Magnus stated to his screen with wide eyes. His voice is one of disbelief and bewilderment. "No. No. No." He repeated and stood abruptly from his chair and ran from the room.

"Magnus?" I questioned the second he stood up and ran. _Oh sure now you remember how to speak_.

I followed Magnus out of his office and found him in his assistant's office next door. The door to Camilles office is hung wide open and there Magnus stood, behind the chair at her desk, hovering in front of her lit up monitor. Magnus started to type frantically and clicked the mouse multiple times, his eyes wildly scanning the computer screen. _What the hell is going on_?

"Magnus." I stated again, this time with more urgency.

"No." He groaned and pushed himself away from the desk. He ran a hand through his spiked hair, making it messier than the intended style. Something about it made my heart skip. _He really is quite attractive._

_Alec no! Now is not the time_!

I shook myself from my inappropriate thoughts and focused on what Magnus could be so fixated about.

"Are you any good with computers?" Magnus asked suddenly, looking at me with hopeful eyes. I blinked and shook my head hesitantly, I wish I could help him but I know nothing about anything electronic.

Magnus went out to the main floor and repeated the question to everyone out there. No one said anything or just shook their heads no. Magnus was out of luck that is until someone spoke. "I can probably help." Said a familiar female voice. When she stood up from her place next to her designer, I recognized the girl as the model Isabelle.

"Yes!" Magnus exclaimed cheerfully. "Come with me." Magnus said and walked past me into Camilles office. Isabelle skipped over and grinned widely when she noticed me at the doorframe.

"Alec!" She said happily and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Great to see you again."

"You too." I said with a smile. I found that it is very difficult to not smile when Isabelle is around. Her smiles are contagious and I'm willing to bet that her laugh is just the same.

I followed her inside and watched as Magnus motioned for her to come next to him in front of the computer screen. Isabelle examined what is in front of her.

"I need you to crack it." Magnus stated.

Isabelle grinned. "You have come to the right person." She said and pulled the chair out to sit down. "Give me a few minutes." She stated and started typing quickly on the keyboard.

I saw Magnus visibly relax, running yet another hand through his unruly hair.

"Magnus." I tried again. This time he looked at me. Finally. "Care to explain?"

"It's Camille." He said with a sigh and placed his hands on his hips. "She betrayed me. She's been working with Herondale this entire time." Magnus turned away, as if ashamed. No, not just ashamed; it's as if he is just now accepting this as a fact. It's clear that this is his first time saying all this out loud, and I of all people know that when saying something out loud for the first time makes it feel all the more real.

I can't say I'm surprised about Camille though. Something about her had never set right with me and now I know my instincts were correct. This is not to mention the strange conversation we had in the elevator when I first met her. Now everything seemed to click. She was warning me in her own manipulative way. There is no way I could've known what she meant at the time and she knew I wouldn't go to Magnus about it because he wouldn't believe me. The bitch is smart _and_ she thinks she's funny. Her and Will fit perfect together.

"What's on her computer that's so important?" I asked.

"She sealed off all my access to my upcoming collections. She is the only other person who has seen them and also has copies of them. Only electronically though, unless she printed them out. Point is, I already have everything set for my upcoming collection and now Camille has them and is working for Herondale. Which means he has them." Magnus sat down across from where Isabelle continued to type frantically. "It's going to be college all over again." He grumbled to himself.

"I didn't know you went to college." I said before I could stop myself. _Of all the comforting things you could've said, you state that you didn't know he went to college. Real smooth, Alec_.

"It was very brief, right when Will and I got out of High School. I dropped out, because I really didn't need to go, I was already making money and had grown connections to people that could get me places. College was wasting my time." Magnus shrugged like it was even a waste of time just speaking about it.

"You're worried he will steal your designs again." I stated, not bothering to make it a question.

"I _know_ he will steal them again." Magnus said and looked up into my eyes, suddenly fearful. The one thing I had never thought I'd ever see in the eyes of Magnus Bane. Fear. "She has _everything_ in that computer. Not just my collections, she has enough in there to take and destroy my career. I could lose customers, employees, sponsors. She and Will may be assholes but they're smart, they will find ways to twist everything and make me look bad."

"That's not going to happen." I said immediately with more confidence than I had anticipated. Magnus stared up at me with sad but hopeful eyes. Reassurance, that's what he needs right now. I've never been on this side of it, but I've received it enough to know how to fix this. "You want to know why?" I asked and pulled out the chair next to him and turned it to face him. "Because you are the great Magnus Bane. King of the fashion industry, King of style and color, of the glitz and glamour, and even King of glitter." Magnus chuckled, and I smiled at him. _This is good_. "It doesn't matter what Will or Camille do. You are still better than they could ever hope to be and that is why they're doing this. You're better than them in every way and they know that. They just want to break you, that's all, and you can't let them. I know you won't let them because you're better than that."

Magnus stared at me for what felt like hours but must have been only seconds. After the silence of nothing but Isabelle's typing, Magnus finally found words and a smirk found his lips. "When did you get so smart?" He asked me playfully but I noticed the glint of pride in his eyes.

I shrugged and fell back into the chair, trying to hide my blush. I finally did something that helped another person. For once, I was the reason for someone's smile and I actually made someone proud. Of all things. Those are two things I had never expected to happen.

"You are right, Alec." Magnus suddenly said in a serious tone. "Thank you." He added and our gazes locked on each others.

"Got it." Isabelle spoke up cheerfully. Both our heads snapped to her and we stood and walked around to stand behind her and stare at the screen. "And it looks like she already copied the file to a flash drive."

"Damn it." Magnus muttered under his breath.

"How can you tell?" I asked her.

"Here." She placed her finger in front of the screen where there is a _100/100_ written in the top corner and a small picture of a USB drive. "Means it was copied and saved."

I let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding in. There was a long silence.

"Is that all you need?" Isabelle asked, breaking the uncomfortable quiet.

"I believe it is." I answered when Magnus couldn't. She stood up and started walking from the room. Magnus took her place at the computer screen and suddenly found his voice.

"Wait." Magnus stopped her; she turned and looked at her boss expectantly. "What is your name?"

"Isabelle, sir. Isabelle Lightwood." She stated easily.

_Lightwood?_

_Surely I heard that wrong_.

"Thank you, Miss Lightwood. I'll be sure to compensate you for the trouble." Magnus said, his eyes not moving from the screen.

"Iz?" I said so softly it sounded like a sigh, nobody took notice.

Isabelle nodded once, though Magnus didn't see her, and walked out. I didn't realize I was following her until Magnus called to me. I ignored him.

"Isabelle." I caught her just outside the door. She smiled brightly up at me.

"Alec."

I stared down at her. Her eyes are dark but her skin is pale like mine, her hair is black like mine, she looks about my age. Maybe that's why I always feel comfortable and familiar around her. Ever since my family was torn apart, I knew I had someone out there that was sent to another orphanage. We were so young; she wasn't even two years old. I remember I had trouble saying her name so I had shortened it. I tried remembering all these past years what her full name was. Now I know for sure.

_Isabelle Lightwood._

_You're my sister_.


	19. Chapter 19

**Alec POV**

There were a lot of things that I could've done in that moment. To keep things simple, I could've come right out and said it. _Hey, I'm your long lost brother_.

But, things aren't that simple. As far as Isabelle is concerned, she could be an only child whose parents died in a car crash, and I could look like a very insane person for even saying anything otherwise.

Instead, I just set a date to see her again. I suppose that was another way to keep things simple and I'm glad I did it because now I have a chance to stay in contact with her instead of having her run off and never speak to me again. And besides, I need to be one-hundred percent sure it's her.

Magnus had brought me home after that. He explained that he needs to come up with some plan to figure out his situation with Camille and William. I told him the best thing he can do is wait for the results from Fashion Week and just see what the Herondale Industry is planning on doing next. He agreed but not without pouting the whole way back to my apartment. It was probably the most irritating and adorable thing I have ever seen.

I made it home to an alone Jace. Clary went home after a couple hours of just eating take-out and 'talking'. _Yeah I bet that's what they were doing_.

"You really think it was her?" Jace asked. I explained everything about my recent encounters with Isabelle. At an early age, I had told Jace that I have a sister out there somewhere, and that I always had ambitions to find her one day.

"It has to be. How else would you explain the strange resemblance and the last name? Hell, the _first_ name?" I questioned, sitting on the couch because really I don't think I want to trust the bed.

"Well you're going to tell her right?" Jace asked, running his fingers through his already messed up golden hair.

"Eventually." I said and stared down at my hands in my lap.

"Alec," Jaces voice became urgent. "You need to tell her. She deserves to know."

"I'll tell her eventually, Jace." I explained again. "I just need to know more about her first so I can…" I trailed off, so I can what exactly?

"So you can what?" Jace asked echoing my thoughts.

"Understand?" I blurted out without thinking of what I was saying.

Jace sighed loudly, his shoulders rising and falling with the movement. "Just don't wait too long because you don't need her to suddenly resent you for not telling her the truth."

"I know." I said with finality, I don't want to branch out more on this conversation. I know the consequences to both telling her and not telling her. I just need a bit more time and information to gather my thoughts and figure out how to approach the topic.

Jace went to sleep soon after that, leaving me with my thoughts and the couch, the only thing that may be possibly clean. I looked around the room, we really need to figure out our finances and get out of here. Make a life for ourselves and actually not have to worry about having food to eat.

I lay down, curling in on the small couch and stared at the other end of the room. Jaces subtle snores filled the cool air. Is it bad to say that I actually got use to having a cold apartment?

\--

Monday came along and I was actually surprised. Not that the sun rose of course but that I received a text from Magnus asking for me to come into the office. I haven't really heard much from him since Saturday and it was easily acceptable. The man keeps busy and it's hard for me to really get angry with everything on his plate. So I've been leaving him be and waiting patiently for him to come to me when he's able to.

Fashion week is thankfully over. I can get back to work now and start making money and a name for myself. I don't work until 1 this afternoon, so it gives me a chance to swing by the office and see Magnus.

I stepped off the elevator and walked over to Magnus' office door. His designers, normally staring or ignoring myself whenever I'm around, smiled at me and nodded in _hello_ as I passed. I've come here so frequently that his employees recognize me and are used to seeing me around. I smiled in a _hello_ back, it feels nice to actually be noticed and not ignored or given death stares that are intended to be curious and instead of come off rude like they had.

I knocked once on Magnus' already open door. He looked up from the papers on his desk and smiled as he saw me. "Alec." He greeted.

"Magnus." I responded and walked further into the room. I stopped abruptly half way to his desk and realized we're not the only two in the room. A man with curly hair and slumped posture sat in one of the chairs across from Magnus, his back to me. "Should I wait-" I awkwardly pointed back to the door.

"No no. Sit down." He gestured to the chair next to the man. I maneuvered to the chair and sat down, glancing at the man beside me; I did a double take. To my shock, I realized I know the guy. This is the guy I had met during Fashion Week, the one that had me taking photos during Magnus' show. What was his name? Cedric? Sebas- Simb- Simon? Simon! That's his name.

Simon's eyes grew wide; the black frame of his glasses covering the top and bottom of his eyes. "Oh my god." He said. " _That's_ Alec?" He turned to Magnus, sounding astonished.

Magnus stared at him with amusement. "There is no other Alec in this office." He stated simply.

Simon shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sir, I am so sorry." He was addressing me now. "I had no idea you were Alec. Gosh I'm such an idiot; I should've asked your name that night but I was so panicked about my photographer."

I blinked at Simon. He spoke quickly and worriedly, his eyes never fell back to their normal size. "It's alright." I laughed awkwardly. "I didn't mind." I turned to Magnus. "What's this about?"

Magnus could only grin. Simon shifted uncomfortably again and his posture became stiffly frozen. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the guy is worried about getting fired. But Magnus is smiling, and that's not an _oh dude you're a goner_ kind of smile. That's Magnus' _I'm actually really pleased_ kind of smile. Strange that I can differentiate all his smiles, even the ones I haven't seen before.

"Simon printed the photos taken of my show." Magnus said, still looking at the pages in front of him, holding them in a way that only he can see them. "Imagine my surprise when I find out that half of these were taken by my boyfriend." Magnus looked up, a glint of surprise and pride in his eyes. "Some of the best were taken by my boyfriend."

"I- What?" I stuttered out.

Magnus flipped the pages in front of him so I could see them. I stared at a clear photo of a model walking down the runway in one of Magnus' dress designs. It looks no different from any other photograph I've seen before; so why am I so thrilled to see this photo?

"Alec do you realize how great a picture this is?" Magnus asked him.

"Uh- no." I said honestly. "I've never used a camera in my life; Simon was the one who focused it for me."

"I may have focused it but you took the shot at exactly the right time at exactly the right angle. It took me years before I was able to work that out on my own." Simon spoke up from beside me, his earlier nervousness died down as Magnus' attention was pushed towards me.

"I just snapped it when it looked right in the lens. It was easy." I shrugged. Why is this such a big deal?

Magnus stared at me in shock and something along the lines of awe. I frowned at him and looked over to Simon who was looking at me just the same. It was Simon who spoke again. "It takes real talent and skill for someone to have an eye like this, Alec." Simon pulled forward more photos on the desk and turned so I could see them. "You not only got the clarity down but look at how the shadows cast perfectly and notice how you caught every little detail of the models face and actually caught the emotion in each shot."

I stared at the photos I took. "I'm not familiar with this sort of thing but I'm sure it had to do with the lighting and standing in the right place. Plus that was a nice camera compared to what I have seen before."

Magnus started to chuckle. "Alec, you can never take compliments can you?" He looked at me fondly, his head tilted to one side, the smirk playing on both sides of his perfect pink lips.

I wanted to say something like _I'm too insecure to believe the compliments given to me_ or _I never receive enough genuine ones to actually know how to respond_. Instead, I just stared at him.

"Did you enjoy doing this, Alec?" Magnus asked, suddenly serious.

"I suppose." It was more like _good god yes_.

"Would you want to do it again?"

I eyed him suspiciously. "Yes." I said honestly, the hopefulness in my voice came on its own, against my better judgment to stay nonchalant.

"Then I'm hiring you." Magnus stated, sitting up straighter.

"What?" I gasped with wide eyes. There is no way I heard that correctly.

"I want you as one of my private photographers. Simon here can teach you everything there is to know."

I looked at Simon who smiled happily, either because he is confirmed to not be getting fired or that he now has a new trainee as punishment instead of something worse. Probably both.

"Magnus I couldn't-"

"You will. I know you want to Alec." Magnus grinned. "And the pay is good, much better than minimum wage at a coffee shop."

In other words, Magnus is trying to get me to work for him so I can actually support myself and not live in a crap apartment like I am now. I appreciate the gesture, and he is right, I loved taking pictures. Plus Simon isn't so bad and neither is Magnus, so maybe I could try…

"Alright." I agreed, slightly hesitant and oddly excited.

"Great!" Magnus exclaimed and clapped his hands together once, the sound ringing through the room. "You will start with Simon tomorrow." Magnus said gleefully. He collected all the photos and handed them back to Simon who then handed me his card and told me to give him a call in the morning. Simon left, taking the photos with him. Once he was gone, I turned to Magnus.

"What is it you're really doing? Is this you trying to help me again?" The last thing I need is for Magnus to be doing this out of pity for me and tell me that I have a talent that I don't actually have.

"Yes." Magnus stated. "But when Simon came to me and explained the photos and how he had the help of a stranger, I had to know who it was. Imagine my surprise when he started to describe _you_. Alec, the photos are amazing. I don't know how you didn't pick up on photography earlier for a career."

"I never had the chance." I mumbled before I could stop myself.

"Well now you do." Magnus smiled. "I want this for you and I want only the best working for me."

"I still have no experience, Magnus." I argued.

"Yes you do. You shot photos at the world's biggest fashion event for one of the best designers. That's experience enough."

"No I mean I know nothing of taking pictures." I said.

"Simon has you covered, even has a camera for you to use."

I pondered this for a moment. I just got a new job, one that apparently pays better and that I know I will enjoy doing. Magnus is my boss, not that I can complain. And Simon is my co-worker, again can't complain. He's a cool guy. It's all oddly overwhelming, in a good way though. Never would I have thought to be sitting here in front of my boss/boyfriend wearing expensive clothing he got me and get offered probably a life making career job.

"Do you trust me?" Magnus asked voice full of worry. He looked away from me, nervous for the answer. Completely different demeanor than how he was acting moments ago, it hurt to think I am capable to making him worry so much.

"Of course." I gave him a reassuring smile. Of course I trust him, I trust him almost as much as I trust Jace. I jumped a little in my mind, surprising myself at how true this is. I trust Magnus, I don't trust people easily yet I trust him like I do Jace. It's a good feeling, kind of scary, but still good.

"Then trust that this is the right decision. I promise you this is good for us both." Magnus said, back to his earlier giddiness and confidence.

"Alright." I said, with more confidence than I had previously. I trust Magnus and now I have a job that will get me on my feet. Because of him. This man has given me it all; I need to think of a way to repay him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Alec POV**

I sat in the coffee shop waiting for Isabelle to arrive. The snow outside is falling gently and I could feel the cool air seeping in through the window next to me, I wrapped my hands a little tighter around my ceramic coffee cup; unconsciously, my right leg rapidly bounced up and down impatiently.

"Relax. It will all go fine." Jace soothed. Jace is alone working his shift and is taking a break to sit with me. Really, the shop is completely dead today, which isn't a total surprise for the late afternoon on a week day.

"How do you know?" I asked, looking into Jaces calm golden eyes.

"I don't." Jace stated cheerfully. "If she really is your sister then she is probably going to be as stubborn as you are and more than likely walk out." My eyes widened in panic. "But, you're also very curious and she might be too so she will come around."

"Thanks for that." I groaned.

"Anything for my friend." Jace stated proudly. Just then, the door to the shop opened. I watched the snow blow in on the floor and boots approach our table, snow falling from them with each step.

"Alec!" Isabelle exclaimed happily.

"And that's my cue." Jace winked and stood up. "Jace." He said holding out his hand.

"Isabelle." She said and took it. Jace turned and held out his chair for Isabelle to have a seat; she sat with a smile on her face. "And they say chivalry is dead." She smirked.

I glared at Jace, the last thing I need is for him to be hitting on my sister. Jace looked happily smug. "Can I get you anything?" He asked her in his flirtatious tone. I continued to glare; he is doing this on purpose to annoy me. _Asshole_.

"No I'm alright, thanks." She answered and Jace smiled down at her and went back to his shift. _Yeah you better walk away_. I thought angrily. Though on the inside I couldn't help the fondness warming me, Jace knows exactly how to push my buttons. Work me up, calm me down; in this case- distract me from my growing anxiety of talking to Isabelle.

"So Alec," Isabelle started. "How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever! I'm so glad we get to finally do this." Isabelle grinned widely, exposing perfectly-aligned white teeth.

"Yeah." Alec laughed nervously. "Me too."

"So tell me, how are you and Magnus?" Isabelle grinned mischievously. She leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands, fully prepared for all the details.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I bit my lip. "We're good. Great really." I'm not use to people asking how Magnus and I are, and well I am still getting use to the fact that Magnus and I are considered _together_.

"Aww you two are so _adorable_ together!" Isabelle gushed and flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "The way he watches you, I wish a guy would look at me like that." Isabelle's voice took a tone of whimsical longing. I shifted uncomfortably, talking about my relationship with Magnus is strange, especially with a girl… who happens to be my long lost sister. I forced back the growing anxiety to just get to the point of this meeting.

"So tell me about yourself." I started, forcing down my desire to scream at her _I'm your brother_.

Isabelle shrugged. "There's not much to tell." Although she did sit up straighter when asked about oneself. "I got a job with Magnus just a few months ago, right after I got out of high school. Grew up in a good home with great people, I really couldn't have asked for anything better."

I pondered her answer. So she was raised somewhere and happy with it, though uncomfortable enough to not expand on the topic. I had to think carefully on my next words. "So you have a big family then?"

Isabelle hesitated but kept her features relaxed and unaffected. "You could say that."

I stared at her and didn't even notice I was giving her my, as defined by Jace, _I know there's more_ look until she sighed in defeat.

"I was raised in an all girls halfway house alright? Not the greatest upbringing but everyone is kind and gave me everything I needed."

_Well at least someone had a better experience with an orphanage_. Then again, it's not like Isabelle would go running around telling the world that she was abused all her life.

"Your parents?" I asked before he could stop myself, I knew I was pushing, even if we are siblings; this is a touchy topic for anyone especially discussing it with someone you just met.

"Died when I was young." She stated, blank face.

"No other family?" I continued. _God, Alec stop it. You can't push her_.

"No." She said. I looked at her for a long while, contemplating my next move. How does one gently say 'I'm your long lost brother' without scaring her?

"Sorry to hear that." I said softly.

"And you?" She asked suddenly before I could think further on how to say the words.

I hesitated. I could either lie to her and say I have a great loving family or I could tell her the story of how I was raised. "Er…" Another pause. "Just about the same as yours actually."

Isabelle's eyes grew wide. "No way!" She exclaimed shocked and almost giddily. "What a coincidence."

I let out a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of my neck. "Well, my experience was, uh, not as joyous as yours seemed to be."

There was silence and I couldn't dare look at Isabelle, instead I stared down at my now cooling coffee.

"You were raised at the Institute with that Hodge guy." She said as more of a fact than question. My eyes snapped up to hers.

"How did you know?"

"All the other homes have been trying to get the guy fired for _years_. But no one can prove anything because no one will talk and any scarring is hidden beneath layers of clothing. I'm sorry, Alec. That is no place to live." Isabelle gave me a sympathetic look without any pity. One of the rare things I have ever come across and is always much appreciated.

"Yeah well, we're not there anymore so it's all fine now."

Isabelle frowned. "We?"

"Oh, Jace and I. It's how we met." I gestured over to Jace behind the counter with my head. Isabelle looked at him just as Jace turned and looked in their direction. He grinned widely, and obnoxiously waved to the two of us. Isabelle giggled.

"He is so.." She pondered for the correct word.

"Ridiculous?" I offered.

"Amusing." Isabelle answered with a smile.

I felt myself chuckle. "Yeah, that's the word for it. Try sleeping in the same room with him and then tell me how _amusing_ his snoring is."

Isabelle started to laugh and after a moment I joined in, we both looked at Jace who frowned at us and started to pout which only resulted in us laughing some more.

I clutched at my stomach when I started to regain control of my laughter. "God, I haven't laughed that hard in, what has it been? Years I think."

Isabelle also sobered herself up enough to look at me fondly. "Me neither." She wiped underneath her eyes to keep her joyous tears from spilling over.

After we regained our breath, Isabelle spoke. "So, your parents?" She asked hesitantly.

"Died when I was young." I stated flatly.

"That's usually what it is. From my experience at least. I've met dozens of kids who lost their parents and dozens more whose parents just didn't want them." Her gaze dropped to the table, probably remembering all the stories she has heard and feeling the utter loneliness that comes from both sides.

It wasn't a good feeling… and neither was seeing Isabelle so upset over such a thing. No one deserves to know what it is like to feel so alone. No one deserves to not have both their parents raise them and take care of them with all the love they have to give.

It makes me sick knowing there are kids out there who are just unwanted by their parents.

Isabelle looked up then and locked eyes with me. Our eyes are seeing but unobserving, too lost in our own heads thinking about the same things and coming to the same conclusion. Wishing our lives, as well as others, weren't the way they are and ever had been.

But, I realized, the two of us don't have to be so alone anymore. All I have to do is say it. _I'm your brother, Isabelle_. But why is this so hard? Why can't I say the words, she is right there and I know it. Deep within me I know for a fact this is my sister and she has to understand, she has to feel this too, right? This instant comfortable connection between us that is nothing romantic and purely platonic.

Oh Isabelle. It's too obvious.

"What is it?" She asked suddenly. I frowned at her and realized we have been staring at each other for awhile and my face must've taken the form my thoughts were saying.

I hesitated. It's now or never. "Isabelle…" I leaned over and spoke softer. "What if I told you it wasn't just coincidence that our back stories are relatively the same?"

I could feel her dark eyes pouring into my scalp. "How do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. Too late to turn back now. "Your parents. Their names are Maryse and Robert Lightwood."

"H-how did you-" She stuttered.

"Because those are the names of my parents as well." It took every bit of courage that I had left to look up at her. Her eyes had gone wide and skeptical, definitely disbelieving. I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. "Your name is Isabelle Lightwood," I continued not sure if I was making this situation better or worse. "A-and my name is Alexander Lightwood." Isabelle was shaking her head before I could even finish the sentence.

"No. It can't be. No." She was saying quickly.

"Iz-"

"Don't." Isabelle said frantically and stood up, chair scraping loudly against the floor. Without realizing it, I was standing just the same.

"Isabelle, please. Our parents-"

"No. No. Not ours. We can't be related." She spoke slowly and half-heartedly.

"But we are." I said gently.

Isabelle stared, eyes glistening but not near to tears. It's a lot to grasp, especially when she doesn't have any recollection of having a sibling, as opposed to me. She was far too young to even remember having a life before the orphanage.

Isabelle's mouth fell open to speak but she closed it. Her eyes are desperate and searching, trying to work this out in her mind and obviously not believing, but somehow wanting to.

"No. I can't. I'm sorry." She said with a gasp and ran from the shop. _No. No, no. I knew this would happen, damn it_! I made to go after her but suddenly a hand was on my shoulder.

"Let her go." Jace said calmly.

"Let her _go_?" I echoed in disbelief. "What the hell do you mean 'let her go'?"

Jace rolled his eyes as if it's not a big deal that I just discovered that I have a sister and told her that all her life she has had a sibling she didn't know about.

"Like I said before, she is like you; stubborn as hell but also curious. She will be back."

I felt my jaw clench and unclench as I stared after the path she had ran, Jaces hand still rested on my shoulder, tightly but not bruising. "You know that?"

"I know _you_. After she's sorted out that this isn't a prank by doing a bit of research, she will find you and want answers. Until then, you just have to wait it out."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If there is one person that I can trust to always be right, it's Jace. And he is right, he does know me and if I were in Isabelle's position I would've reacted the exact same way and went to do everything Jace listed Isabelle probably will be doing. This thought brought some comfort, and the tension in my stance lightened up as I began to relax. Jace squeezed my shoulder and let go. I turned to him; his golden eyes alight with brightness like they typically are. I forced my eyes to keep from rolling, Jace is just an utter happy and optimistic person, and dare I say he is almost always correct when it came to these things.

"Alright?" Jace asked.

I nodded with a soft smile. "Alright." I confirmed.

\--

That night, I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of my encounter with Isabelle. Things couldn't have gone more wrong, but then again, things could've been worse. She could've slapped me and told me to never step foot near her again. She could've called me crazy and dump my coffee on my head.

But what else did I expect? Surely not for her to break out into a grin and say 'finally' and hug me in a lung-crushing embrace. I didn't expect her to remember me considering we were so young when we were separated. Really, her reaction was probably the best compared to all the other possibilities.

Except now I suddenly have many unanswered questions. When is she going to come back? Is she even going to come back? Will she ever want to speak to me again? How long will it take her to accept this, if she even does? Will she want a relationship with me once she understands?

"Would you stop that?" Jaces voice broke through my thoughts. I looked at his sprawled form on the small couch in the cold darkness of our itty-bitty apartment.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Thinking about Isabelle." Jace stated, shifting on the couch to get more comfortable and fix the blanket so it is tucked beneath his chin.

"I can't help it." I said in defeat. "I don't like not knowing where she and I stand."

Jace sighed. "I know."

The room filled with silence; nothing but the soft wind blowing outside for the occasional sound. That is, until Jace spoke words far from anything I had ever expected to hear.

"I applied at NYU. I was accepted."

I blinked. Did I hear that correctly?

"What?"

"College Alec." He said.

I sat up quickly and stared at him, Jace was facing away from me but I could tell he was tense, waiting for my reaction.

I took a moment for my mind to wrap around this. Jace has always been great in school, getting almost exceptional grades and working very hard to achieve his goals. I am not surprised he was accepted. I'm more surprised he didn't tell me he was going to do it.

"I know what NYU is. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked with a hint of hurt in my voice.

"I just did." He said.

"You know what I mean." I sent his back a pointed stare.

Jace sighed again and turned to face me. "I wasn't sure how to tell you. I didn't think it was something I wanted until recently. I discovered that if I want to make it well enough on my own that I'm going to have to get a job that pays better than minimum wage. With college, I'll find that, whatever it may be. I can take out loans to pay for it… dorms included." He added the last part quietly, almost guiltily.

"You're leaving?" I asked him.

"It is more affordable on us both right now. And I won't stop working and I'll come see you as often as I can." Jace attempted to make it sound like it is the most reasonable thing to do, but that didn't stop the slight nervous tremor in his voice as he spoke.

"No Jace this is good. I'm happy for you, really." And I am, I'm actually thrilled. Jace is going to be okay and that makes me happier than ever. He will have an education, a good job, make more friends, and he already has a girlfriend. The only thing he will need is food and occasionally new clothing, and all that can be paid for with his current job. This is great. Everything is paying off for Jace; and no one deserves it more than him.

"Really?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes." I said with a small chuckle. "Don't worry about me. It's your life, so live it. I will be fine on my own."

Jace stared at me. "Right, because you have been doing so well the past month."

Now it was my turn to sigh. Jace has a point, but what he doesn't realize is that I haven't thought about dying in weeks. I haven't had reason to and nor have I wanted to. The cuts on my wrists are healing and fading from pink to white, and I haven't given the marks a second thought. They are a part of me, and I don't look at them any differently than I would the skin on my face or the hair on my head. They are just there, not taunting me and not daring me like they use to.

"I've been doing better; even you have to admit that."

"Because I have been around." He mumbled.

"And so have Magnus, and even Isabelle. I have a better job now and caring friends; I can make a life just as well as you can." I said reassuringly to him, and for the first time my words sound believable, even to me; mainly because they are true and I've never been so sure of something in my life.

"Depression doesn't just go away Alec." Jace said. "It may dull down but it doesn't go away, especially without professional help."

"And I promise the second I can afford it I will get some." This is the truth, I'm starting to get into a good place and don't want to risk falling back into a bad one.

Jace and I stared at each other for a long while. He examined my features best he could in the darkness. I could tell he is trying to figure me out, see if I'm lying and that I'm really not okay. I can't blame him for that; I would be just as skeptical in his shoes. But unfortunately only time will tell and he will just have to trust me.

Apparently Jace came to the same conclusion and nodded once, leaning back on his pillow. "Alright." He said softly.

After a moment of silence, Jace spoke again. "Night, Alec."

"G'night Jace." I said back and turned over to face the door.

I wasn't sure how many minutes passed since Jace and I said goodnight, but soon enough the room was filled with Jaces even snores. I smiled; I'll miss falling asleep to that, no matter how much I actually complain about it. There is a part of me that is sad to see him go, but another part, the more dominant part, is ridiculously proud of him. I smiled to myself.

I noticed the screen of my phone light up on the floor beside my bed. With a frown, I reached over and picked it up. It's a text from Magnus.

_You never told me how it went with Isabelle._

_Shit_. I completely forgot to text him. I had informed Magnus about my suspicions two days ago when I was worrying about his office for hours and he demanded to know what was wrong.

I quickly typed back a message.

**Just as you would expect**.

I sent it and set my phone on my chest and waited until I saw the screen light up the room again.

_Are you alright?_

Well isn't that the million dollar question, but now my answer is actually genuine and that alone made the corners of my lips tug up involuntarily.

**I'm fine, just anxious. Jace is convinced she will come around.**

A second later,

_She will._

**You're just saying that.**

_No, she will. I know I would if I found a long lost sibling._

I stared at the message for a bit longer than necessary.

**I suppose.**

_Don't over-think it, Alexander._

**I'm not.**

_I know you better._

I glared at the phone, forcing back a smirk and eye roll because he does, in fact, know me better.

**Jace just declared he is going to college.**

_Goldilocks? Who would've thought he has a brain. He is starting in the fall I presume?_

**Didn't ask, but yes I would assume so.**

_That means you will be all alone in that little apartment of yours…_

**…So?**

_So… I have a very large apartment._

**No need to rub it in, ass.**

I glared at my screen, sincerely this time.

_I'm not. No one should have to live in a small apartment alone, and no one should have to live in a large one alone, either. So perhaps we could… merge. Preferably mine, considering the condition of yours._

Did… Did Magnus just ask me to move in with him?

**Are you serious?**

_Absolutely._

**I've never been to your apartment.**

_Well we can change that tomorrow. I'll make dinner._

**You can cook?**

_Umm… No. But I can try. : )_

**Haha. Alright it's a deal.**

_Dinner or moving in?_

**Dinner. I need to think about the second.**

I can't even bring myself to type the words... Let alone agree to do so. Besides, I should give him time to back out, right? Surely he will change his mind.

_Fair enough. See you at seven, darling. Sweet dreams._

**You too.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Alec POV**

I fidgeted in the mirror, staring at myself self-consciously. I was suddenly brought back to when I was preparing for Fashion Week with Magnus, the nerves, hesitation, and the uncomfortable clothing. At least this time I could keep my hair the way I like it; sweeping in my eyes, making it longer than usual because of the beanie forcing the strands further down my face. I bit my lip, why I thought Magnus dressing me would be alright is beside me. But this? This is new and terrifying territory. This is Jace.

"I can't do this." I grumbled out, suddenly sure on my decision to change.

Jace glared at me. "You look good." He said, defending himself.

"Jace, I don't wear this sort of stuff."

"You did for Sparkles." He grumbled.

I scowled. "That is different. Now he may think I have this sort of taste and always expect it."

"You're thinking too much." Jace argued with a sigh and forced me to face him. He looked over his work again, inspecting it closely and smiling just slightly. When his golden eyes met mine again he spoke, "I'd do you."

"Jace!" I glowed bright red and looked away. Jace laughed heavily, the sound echoing through the small apartment.

"Relax Alec. Now go before you're late." Jace started to usher me to the door. My face still burning from his earlier statement.

"Honestly, Jace. You think this is a good idea?"

Jace looked hurt. "Of course, I may not have bought the clothes but I would like to think I have good-"

"Not the clothes," I stopped him. "tonight, this dinner. He wants me to see his apartment so I can _move in with him_. What if I don't like it, or he decides he doesn't want me there?"

Jace put his hands on my shoulders. "Deep breath." He commanded, I did as I was told, following his lead as he took a deep breath through his nose and out his mouth. "Don't think. Just do. If Magnus didn't want you there he wouldn't have invited you."

"But-"

"No Alec. Am I going to have to drive you there myself?" Jace raised his eyebrows.

"No." I mumbled and turned for the door, unlocking it and walking into the dimly lit hallway.

"Just relax and have fun." Jace said after me.

"I'll try." I said back to him.

"You will." Jace confirmed confidently, a genuine smile on his face. I smiled back and headed down the creaky stairs, perhaps I won't have to ever step foot on these stairs again.

—

I followed the directions Magnus had given me to his apartment and found it is only a few blocks from our work. It is in a nice part of the city with sleek cars parked along the curb and windows that don't have bars across them. I walked up to the door and looked down the list for his name. Bane was written in neat cursive on the bottom line. I pushed the button and heard the buzzer sound.

"Yes?" Magnus asked smoothly through the intercom.

"It's Alec." I responded.

A second later, the door to my left unlatched and I went inside. It is much different from my building. This one has marble floors and a round table at the center holding a large vase of fresh flowers. Built in on the left wall are golden cubbies meant for mail, each with the number and last name of the apartment residents. There aren't many in this building, perhaps six people total. I spotted Magnus' box on my way over to the stairs.

Stairs that do not creak and groan when you step on them. The marble floors continue all the way up to Magnus' floor. A floor that is his own.

With a deep breath, I knocked.

"It's open!" Magnus called from the other side of the door. _Best get this over with_.

I grabbed the handle and pushed my way inside, definitely not stumbling a bit.

Instantly I was hit with an intense smell of Magnus and I wanted to drown in it. My eyes widened at the sight before me, hard-wood floors, and high ceilings with warm light bulbs hanging freely for light. To the right is floor to ceiling windows, and a large fluffy white rug beneath a grand leather couch sitting in front of an equally large flat screen tv. Next to the TV area is a set of double doors, and a little further down the wall is a single door, all of which are closed. On the far right, a glass dining table is set up with black chairs around it. Beside that is a bar top with stools; Magnus stood on the other side of it in the kitchen in the back of the apartment. He looked amazing, per usual. I don't know if I will ever get over the pounding in my chest and fluttering in my stomach every time I lock eyes on him.. I don't know that I want to.

Magnus looked up just then and smiled. "Shut the door darling and get in here." Magnus sounded giddy, which became contagious. I shut the door with a curious and amused grin and walked over to him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, coming up beside him and peered over his shoulder. Magnus seemed to be concocting some rather colorful drinks with different bottles and a lime wedges.

"Creating the best drink your tastebuds will ever meet." He said and handed a glass to me. "Well besides me of course." He winked, I nearly dropped the glass.

"Is this alcohol?" I questioned.

"Would it make you feel better if I said no?"

"Yes."

"Then no." Magnus stated smoothly and picked up his glass containing the same contents. "Cheers." He said and clinked the glass with mine. Magnus swallowed a large gulp and I hesitantly took a sip of mine. My tastebuds swam with different flavors, one of them being severely strong and gross. It burned as it went down my throat.

Magnus laughed as I scrunched up my nose. "You'll get use to that, otherwise it's good right?"

I gave Magnus a disbelieving look and he laughed again. The sound like a gentle melody to my ears.

"Would you prefer soda?" He asked, I could only nod and set the glass down on the counter.

A moment later I was holding a glass full of coke and ice. Thank goodness.

Magnus led me over to the large couch in the living space and sat down facing me.

"How was your day darling?" He asked instantly.

"Good." I answered automatically and Magnus scowled.

"You're lying." He deadpanned, I said nothing and ducked my head down. "Hey," Magnus said gently and tucked a finger beneath my chin, forcing my head up to meet his eyes. "talk to me."

I felt myself sigh, I never realize something is wrong until I'm asked. Everything from Jace to Isabelle, to moving in with Magnus…

"Just a bit overwhelmed is all." I gave an apologetic smile and shrugged.

"Isabelle and Jace?"

"Yes."

Magnus nodded. "Moving in with me?" He asked quietly, so quiet that I had to strain to hear him. It nearly broke my heart to see this always confident man look so unsure.

"No of course not." I soothed him, taking his hand in mine. "I'm stressed. Isabelle is my only blood left, and Jace is the only family I have ever known. A lot is changing, and if anything at all, you're the one making it bearable. Please don't ever think you're the reason for my distress." I couldn't be more obtuse about my self-awareness. Everything I said I did not realize is true until I said it. Magnus smiled up at me, his green eyes shining, and the Magnus I know is back and more lovely than ever.

"Okay, darling." He leaned in and kissed me gently. We were quiet for a bit, just sipping at our drinks in contented silence.

"So what do you think of our place?" Magnus asked me.

"It's amazing." I said automatically. I couldn't find a single thing wrong with the place. I have to wonder how the hell I'm going to live here without feeling like I'm unworthy.

"That's what I thought when I bought it, and even more so when I had my interior designer set it up for me." Magnus took a swig of his drink.

"Wow." Was all I could manage to say.

"You'll have your own room of course. I don't want to force you into something uncomfortable. If down the road we decide we want to share a room, then we will. But until then you can have your own space." He rambled on, almost like he is nervous. I understood his point though. We will work up to our relationship, everything will happen all in good time.

I nodded my head along as he spoke. It all sounds great and scary all at once, but the excitement overruled all of my feelings. "I'd like that." I said with a smile.

Magnus looked at me with happiness dancing in his eyes and a smile on his face. "Good. Now, are you hungry?"

I pondered that thought a moment. "Yeah just a bit." I said.

"Lovely!" Magnus exclaimed and jumped up. "Come help me cook." He took my wrist and pulled me to the kitchen. I don't remember ever feeling so happy in my life.

—

**6 months later**

"Alec, I don't know about this." Jace was saying to me.

"She will _love_ it, Jace."

Clary's birthday is coming up, and Jace is nervous about the gift he is getting her. He picked out a silver necklace that has a strange symbol hanging on it. It is a diamond shape with tails sprouting off the top in both directions. Jace said exactly, _this is the one_ when he saw it. But now he is second guessing himself.

"You knew it was for her when you saw it. It's meant to be."

Jace sighed, staring at the silver in his hands. "I don't understand why, or what it even means, but," he paused. "It's _hers_."

"Buy it." I stated, shoving Jace towards the check-out counter.

Jace bought it, and we walked outside together.

The air is brisk but, much to my approval, it is still summer. The sky is clear, except for the occasional rain storm here and there. The breeze is gentle, and the trees are green as can be.

"You make the reservations for dinner?" I asked him.

"Yes. Eight o'clock at that botanical place Magnus suggested."

"Good." I nodded. "When are you picking her up?"

"Her last class ends at six. She said she needs some time to get ready, and to be at her dorm at seven-thirty."

Jace and Clary live on campus in separate dorm halls that are neighboring one-another. Jace is excited to be starting his classes, and absolutely thrilled to be so close to Clary.

I swung my arm out to the street, hailing a cab.

"What are you going to wear?" I asked Jace. "Do you need my help?" I asked playfully.

This pulled a laugh out of Jace. "Only in your dreams, Lightwood."

"It is only fair I return the favor after all the times you've helped me prepare for special occasions." The cab pulled up and Jace rolled his eyes.

"I appreciate the thought, but I think I can manage." He said. I opened the door.

"Alright," I turned to face him. "Good luck tonight."

Jace smirked. "I don't need luck. Have you met me?"

I scoffed at him, shaking my head. "See you tomorrow." I said to him, and got in the cab.

Jace waved me goodbye and I drove away.

I told the cabbie my address just as Magnus sent me a text.

_Go out to dinner tonight?_

I smiled and responded.

**Where to?**

Magnus and I have been living together for about six months. We still live in separate bedrooms but I have never felt more at home in the apartment and in his arms.

I'm trying to convince him to get another cat. However, he is convinced Chairman won't play well with others.

His arguments against it are becoming weaker and weaker. We love cats, and he knows my reason for it is so we can keep building together.

We should have another cat within the week.

Work is beyond good. I haven't felt so happy to work a job before. I mostly work with Simon now, and consult with Magnus on the photographs.

It was very recently that I discovered that Simon is dating Isabelle. It felt like a shot to the chest, hearing her name like that, but Simon told me that she is slowly coming around. I suppose she has to, when her boyfriend is working with her brother. Simon gives me updates on how she is doing all the time.

My thoughts were pulled from me as I received another text.

_I know a rather romantic place ;)_

I couldn't help my blush.

**Okay.** I replied to him, a smile on my face. I seem to be doing that a lot these days.

It wasn't until I was walking up the steps to our apartment that I received another text. This time it was from Jace.

_I don't know what to wear!_

I couldn't help but laugh out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. The final chapter. Thank you all so much for your dedication and love of this story. It really means a lot.  
> I'm contemplating a short one-shot spin off with Jace and Clary... Possibly another with Alec and Magnus. Maybe both? I don't know. Let me know your thoughts.  
> xoxo


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